Thin Air ✿ Jeff Atkins [COMPLETED]

TWENTY NINE

"Josie, it's Hannah. Currently alive, but when you get this, I won't be. I had reasons to do what I did, Josie, and I'm sorry I never shared them with you when I was alive.
I recorded 13 reasons why I killed myself, someone from these reasons are listening to them right now, maybe.
Josie, you were an amazing friend. I took this friendship for granted. You did to me more than I ever did to you and I'm sorry for not repaying.

The day I met you, you looked so happy. I looked up to you. You were strong. You are strong. When our FML group broke up, you stayed beside me; reached out when all I ever did was block you out and I'm so sorry for that. You wanted me to be happy and I'm sorry you never got that. I wanted you to be happy too and- and I'm so sorry I took this away from you.

You forgave me when I watched Bryce touch you. You shouldn't have done that, Josie. It was unforgivable but you still did that. You came over to my house to check up on me multiple times, I lost count but me? I never did that. But don't think about this as if I don't- didn't love you because I did. I loved you, Josie. You were my best friend.

I wanted to tell you after it happened. It broke me seeing you depressed, crying your eyes out at Jeff and I'm so sorry. No matter how many times I apologize to you, I will never forgive myself. If I told you sooner, maybe you would have closure but I was too much of a fucking coward, Josie.

It was getting dark and I wanted to go home. Sher-"

"Honey? Come on, time to eat." Kelsey knocked on Josie's door, startling her and making her pause the tape.

"Coming!" Josie answered, taking off her headphones and tucking the walkman under her pillow before unlocking her door and walking downstairs.

Stephan and Kelsey smiled warmly at her as they sat on the table, watching her sit in her usual seat. Kelsey put small portions of food on Josie's plate, knowing that Josie won't feel like eating but suggesting only at least small portions for her to eat.

"Do you miss the house?" Kelsey smiled as she watched Josie poke her food, leaning her cheek on her hand.

Josie nodded, wanting to please her parents and to push herself towards recovery even by something as small as a nod.

"What about your grandparents? Do you want to visit them?" Stephan asked.

She shook her head. It was where she had her first time with Jeff. She couldn't.

"Do you want to see a movie?"

"Guys! I want to rest," She snapped, "Please."

Stephan and Kelsey looked at each other before looking at her again, "Okay. We're sorry for firing questions at you like that." Stephan said.

"I'm sorry for snapping. You guys are doing the best you can. I-I'm sorry." Josie sighed, looking down her lap.

"Don't apologize, we understand. And we're going to be there with you every step of the way, alright? You're doing great." Kelsey put her hand on Josie's supportively.

Josie only drank soup that day before going back to her room, putting on her headphones, her finger lingering above the play button.

Was she ready for Hannah to spill her secret?

Or was it going to break her more? 

//

the date went amazing i'm screeching. it was so cliché and i fucking love cliché because we went to an amusement park then we went to a dog shelter and played with some dogs omg i'm still shook HE KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK. my college year is lit man