All I Ever Wanted (NARRY STORAN)

16. Fighting for love

N I A L L

I swing the door to mine and Louis' flat open, tossing the keys onto the table beside the door and I'm surprised to see Zayn and Louis sitting on the sofa chatting.

"Hey." I greet, toeing my shoes off, before walking further in.

"Hey babe. Is Harry feeling okay?" He asks, and for a second I was confused until I remembered that Harry called in 'sick' last night.

"Oh yeah, he's feeling better. Still having pretty bad stomach aches, kept going to the bathroom, but he told me the meds are working, so that's good." I lie smoothly, slowly feeling the guilt eating me up, inch by inch.

Louis shoots me a look but I ignore him. I will tell Zayn about my feelings for Harry. But just not now.

"That's good. Anyway, I came by to ask if you wanted to go for lunch?" Zayn asks.

"I would love to, Z. But I already had a quick snack at Harry's. I can make something now for you if you'd like?" I offer and he nods with a smile.

"Sure, that's fine too."

"Anyway," Louis speaks up, standing from the sofa. "I better go. I've closed the store for way too long. See you lovebirds later." He sing songs as he puts on his shoes.

"Bye Lou." I give him a little wave and Zayn does the same. He grins, before he's walking out.

"So, what do you want to eat?" I ask, opening the fridge and freezer and peering inside.

"You." Zayn replies so casually that I took awhile to process his answer. I chuckle softly, closing the fridge and turning to face him, who's leaning on his elbows on the counter, and really, he looks gorgeous.

I smile, walking over to him, slipping in between him and the marble counter, throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. He immediately slips his tongue in, and I moan softly at the contact.

It's like ever since the kiss with Harry a few nights ago, I can't help but to always compare the kisses with Zayn to that. Zayn's kisses are perfect, because hell, he's a fucking good kisser. But he's just not Harry. And I hate that, I hate how I'm constantly comparing Zayn's amazing kisses with that messy, sloppy, perfect kiss with Harry. The guilt is eating me alive.

And the only way in which I do know how to get rid of the guilt, is through well.. Sex.

So that's what I did, I took Zayn's hand, dragged him into my bedroom and we did it. Over and over again until I'm 'completely' rid of the guilt within me.

Fucking is probably not the best way, in fact it's probably the worst way to try to get rid of guilt.

And I know that. I know that fucking and having sex won't just solve all of my problems. It won't completely fill the emptiness and void I feel when I'm not with Harry, it won't help bury the feelings I have for him, it won't help my racing mind that's constantly just filled with Harry, it won't help me forget about Harry's touch, his kiss, it won't resolve my messed up thoughts about how I should tell Zayn about everything, it won't get rid of the immense amount of guilt I feel towards Zayn and it definitely does not help me in trying to fall in love with Zayn. But what fucking does though, is to help soothe my longing heart, even if it's just temporarily.