Right Now

36

I stand in front of my mirror and I angry try fix my hair I can't. I end up standing in front of the mirror with my hands covering my face so no can see the tears brimming my eyes.

"Here, I got it," Lily says and pushes my hands away, messing with my hair for a minute before it looks perfect. "The dress is not even zipped," She says. She zips it for me and then hugs me. "Don't be so upset." She says and knocks on the door. Ashton walks in and sits on the chair.

"Oh, she looks so pretty." He says and smiles. Lily sits on his lap and I give them a soft smile through the mirror. I didn't feel pretty.

"I don't think she is feeling too happy about any of it," Lily says. She walks over and adjusts the curls on my shoulders. "C'mon, I'm sure your mom is waiting. You're gonna have fun."

After the fundraiser, I was perfectly fine, but now I realize that even covered in water and makeup running down her face, she is still twenty times prettier than I am. Even though I want to have fun, it stills drags me down a little. "Yeah." I say and try to smile more convincingly.

We all walk downstairs and my mom is standing down there looking at her phone. "I'll see you guys later." I say and Ashton kisses the top of my head and Lily hugs me.

"See you later, Em." He says and she waves. They leave and my mom looks at me.

"See, that is how a strong, steady relationship works. Everyone should take notes from those two. He kisses you, his best friend, and she didn't care." She says and I force a laugh. it felt like a shot, but I knew it wasn't.

"Yeah, whatever, let's go." I say and we walk out to her car. "I like your newly washed car. I wonder who done this fine job." I say and she smiles. 

***
At the restaurant, Joy and Calum are already waiting for us and I smile at Calum, who is wearing a suit. He hasn't noticed me yet, he is talking to his mother. He fixes a piece of her hair and I smile more. If there's one thing that I complete love about him, it's how much he adores his mom.

"Hey, mama's boy." I say and slip my hand into his. He looks down at me and smiles. "Flambé." I say and he smiles.

"French? I didn't know you spoke French." He asks and I smile, nodding.

"Fluently." I say.

He looks to my mother and his. "May I escort you all in? Uh, somehow?" He asks with a nervous laugh.

"You can try, love, come along." His mother says and chuckles. The two adults walk in front of us and he keeps a hold on my hand. Not too long ago, if someone tried to hold my and in public, I'd be uncomfortable, but it feels completely right now.

A lady places us all in the back near the windows at a small table. The room we are in only has one other couple in here, and they have a small child.

"Oh, I loved it when they were that young. Not so mouthy and still adorable." My mother says and Joy nods.

"So many weird smells and more mood swings, but the best times." Joy chimes in and Calum sends a dirty look in her direction.

"I don't have mood swings now." He says, defending himself.

"And I am still adorable." I say and my mother rolls her eyes.

"Sure, dear." She says. Our mothers talk about work, us, each other and I talk with Calum. The night is going so well, I almost forget everything.

That is until my phone vibrates inside my small hand bag. Not trying to be rude, I take it out and look down.

???:
You and Whitney put on a nice show, btw. Way to stick it to her. She has always been that way, anyhow, she deserved it.

I stick it under my knee and I don't answer. I don't need this be to messed up further. "How are things running with you two lately, smooth? Both happy?" My mom asks and I nearly choke on my water and Calum pauses mid bite.

"Of course," I say and smile. "Rough patches, but that's a relationship, right?" I say and laugh nervously and I freeze when my phone vibrates again.

"Calum?" Joy asks him and he looks over at her.

"I don't even need to do anything, it all fixes itself." He sighs.

"What needs fixing?" My mom asks and I want to punch myself in the face.

"This girl Calum knew keeps coming around wanting to be friends again. Awful girl. I want to hit her with my car."

"Can we not, mom?" He says.

I look done at my phone third text message.

???:
Don't ignore me. I'm simply trying to be friends.

Me:
Stop it, I don't want to be friends. I'm fucking serious.

I turn my phone off and look up but they are all looking at me. "Huh?"

"Is that true?"

"Uh, sorry, can you say it again?" I say and frown.

"That she tried to mess up your fundraiser today and you and another girl scared her away with water?" Joy asks with a hidden grin.

"Oh, well...,yeah, a little." I say and look over at Calum who is frowning. He glances down and has a questioning look. My mom speaks out loud.

"Who are you talking to?" She asks.

"Lily. She is asking how it's going." I say and she doesn't believe me. She doesn't say anything and I am grateful for that. I look up at Calum, but he is looking down and is quiet. He doesn't believe me either.

***

I sit in the car and pick at my nails. I chose to go with Calum. We drive down a deserted road to take the long way home. "Why have you been lying today?" He asks me suddenly as we come to a stop as he pulls into a field. "That's twice today, Em, what's wrong?" He asks me and it's not harsh, or too probing. It's worry.

I pull out my phone and turn it on. I pull up the messages and hand him my phone, which seems to surprise him. He takes it and reads through them. "Why lie about it? Why not just say something? I would have done something about it." I crawl over and settle into his lap. His arms immediately go around me and he kisses my head.

"We both have other things to worry about" I say as I mess with his tie. "Have I ever told you how good you look in this? I know I promised you other things, but I kinda want you to keep this on." I say and he laughs.

"I think both wishes can be fulfilled," He says and kisses me softly. He moves his seat back and I move myself to sit on his lap. "I've actually been a little worried recently. Worried that you'll leave, or that we're going too fast. It hasn't been too long, but it already feels like forever and I want forever, believe me. At this rate, we'll be dating for a couple years and by Twenty-five, I'll have asked you to marry me and we'll have kids by the time were thirty and I really want that with you-" He says and I stop him by kissing him.

"If you don't want to, don't think about it. Think about right now." I say and he slowly moves his hands up to my hips.

"Right now all I want is you. I want right now to last forever." He says.

"Good thing it doesn't have to end." I say softly.

''Are you sure?" He asks me, his eyes searching my face in the dark.

"We're just scared, you and I. Of each other, of right now." I say.

"I love you, I don't want to be scared." He says softly.

"I love you, too, it's okay. I'm scared, too." I say. I consider telling him everything in my head, but I hold back. I should be able to share with him and not be scared. I wanted him to know everything from my dad to Laiken to moving schools, but I felt like I wasn't ready for that.