Right Now

37

I stand in my kitchen in my sweats and a smile on my face. I flip the sandwich over on the burner and I hear feet behind me.

"What are you doing? It's two in the morning." I turn over my shoulder and see my mother standing there. "I shouldn't be surprised, I wake up so often and find you in here."

"I'm hungry. You?" She gives me a look and I chuckle. "Never mind, I guess it's just me."

"Did you just get home?" She asks, a grouchy look climbing to her face as she waits for my answer.

"No, I've been here a while, but I haven't been to sleep yet. What about you, why are you up?"

"Couldn't sleep. I've been thinking too much." She sighs as she sits at the bar in our kitchen.

"About?" 

"You. How I went right and how I went wrong. And wondering if we need to have the birds and the bees talk." She says and smiles softly at me.

I laugh and shake my head. "I think the talk can be skipped, but can we circle back around to how you went wrong? How did you go wrong?"

"In many ways, I guess. Not raising you with any type of male role model." She says.

"I had Bill Nye and Pop. That was enough for me." I say.

"No, not raising you around family where you could see how a family functioned as a whole." She says, giving me a saddened look. I knew we didn't have anymore family. I was the third only child born in the family. It was just us.

"That one babysitter let me watch The Brady Bunch. That was a... life changing experience, and I had friends like Ashton with families." I say and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm serious. Think of how different you could be right now. But, then I think of all the ways I went right. You love all life, respect all people no matter how they act and who they are. You are caring, you don't litter, and you put the toilet paper roll on the right way." She says the last part with smile and I laugh, it being an inside joke from when I was five and crying about the paper always being backwards.

"Thank God I don't commit that heinous crime," I say and she swats at me. I turn off the stove and set the grilled cheese on the plate. "I don't regret growing up with just you. Who needs a dad or cousins or those things? I'm perfectly fine without them." I say and shrug.

"Sometimes I just worry about you. You are my only child, my baby, my pride and my shame," She says and I smile. "My shame because you do indeed leave the house looking like this."

"Sweats are comfy. And this shirt is perfection." I look down at the Napoleon Dynamite shirt and laughs.

"Uhuh. Goodnight, baby. I hope you get to sleep soon," She says an kisses my forehead after she stands. "And those aren't even your pants, I'm gonna add."

"Yeah, I stole them," I say, looking down at Calum's sweats. "Don't worry, I might return them."

"Just be safe with your choices and don't end up like me." She says.

"I would be honored to be like you. But, I'm gonna skip the teen mom thing. But I would be extremely happy to be like you." She smiles with a sigh as she goes.

It's probably late now to tell the story, but it's one neither of us like. A young girl in highschool meets and older man. A storm occurs and one thing leads to another and it leaves behind a married man, an abandoned pregnant teen, and a lot of hell in it's path. My mother had me at sixteen. But things happen, people move on.

"I love you, Ma." I call after her, but she doesn't hear me.

***

"Oh, my god, you're so lazy." I say and put my hands on my hips. Calum hugs the blanket around him. He leans back and has his eyes closed. He has been sleepy and quiet.