Forbidden Secrets (Completed ✅)

Thirty Nine

"And leave you here to jump out a window, no dice" Bubba said with an amused look in his eye.
Jordan couldn't help but laugh

"Am I that bad?" He mumbled  flopping down on the couch beside him

"Pretty much" Bubba admitted
"I just don't know what to do" Jordan said looking at his hands.
"Yeah you do and you will do it when you are ready" Bubba said
"I guess" Jordan shrug with a deep sigh "I just wish I knew where Steph was and if she's ok"
"Louisville"
"What? "Jordan exclaimed jerking around
"She changed her ticket to Louisville" Bubba said
"Why?" Jordan asked again
"Do you even have to ask" Bubba said looking over at him with an exhausted look
"Fuck" was all Jordan could say. 
"Have you heard from Jordan at all?" Lexi asked as they sat on the bed.
"No, he doesn't even know where I am" Stephi said with a shrug "I really don't know if he even really cares at all"
Lexi waved that last statement off. "Does Brian know where you are?" she asked tentatively
"Yeah I left him a message to let him know, but I am sure that he doesn't care either" Stephi said angrily floping back into the pillows.
"I can't believe that Jordan hasn't even tried to contact you" Lexi huffed from her computer chair.
"I don't have any way of knowing if he has or not, he texted me right before I got on the plane but I haven't checked  so I don't know if he tried any more" Stephi said with an absent sigh
"Awe what did the message say" Lexi asked
"Oh god it was pathetic" Stephi said tossing her phone at Lexi.
Stephi could see her lips moving as she read the text and then she shot her a pleading look.
"see he does love you" she said as she tossed the phone back at her
"Oh please" Stephi groaned "Desperate times called for desperate measures"
"Come on woman, you know he does" she ignored her groans and continued on "and he just needs time to clear his head and he will come to his senses" she said coming over to sit beside her.
"He didn't want this" she said holding back tears "he wanted to stay together just like it was"
"well maybe this is what he needs to make him see what he needs to do" Lexi said putting a hand on her leg
"My god who's side are you on" Stephi said heatedly
"Stephi" Lexi said dejectedly
"Look I am sorry, I really just don't need this right now" she got up to pace "I need to fucking move on, I can't sit around waiting on him to clear his head or what the hell ever he's going to do" she turned to her with tears sliding down her face "I just can't wait" she sobbed emotionally
"Ok well lets not just sit around here waiting then" she said getting up
Under many moans and protests Lexi drug her to a club. They stood outside and she could hear the music pounding inside.
"I don't know if this is exactly what I need" Stephi said raising her voice as they walked in
"Of course it is" Lexi grinned at her "Lots of alcohol, music and hot guys are cures for anything"
She blew out a breath "Ok Ok" she said as Lexi dragged her to the bar.
Three double vodkas later and the two of them were giggling uncontrably at everyone on the dance floor.
"What's so funny" a tall dark haired stranger said as he and his friend stepped up to their table.
"Nothing at all" Stephi said and gave him a seductive grin
"Actually we were making fun of the lousy dancers" Lexi said as she grinned at the stranger's guess.
"Well would you ladies mind showing us how its done" the stranger asked Stephi as he took her hand
They allowed the hotties to lead them to the floor and they danced themselves sweaty. When they got back to the table they offered to buy them drinks. When they left to go to the bar Lexi leaned over to her.
"God those two are so hot" she said almost slurring her words
"Yep and both of us are so drunk" Stephi giggled
"Are you ok" Lexi asked trying to look serious
"Are you kidding me?" Stephi said with a wave of her hand "Never fucking better" she reassured as she lit a cigarette. When Lexi continued to eye her with suspicion Steph shrugged casually "Jordan who?" she laughed.
When the guys got back with the drinks they chatted some more and then Stephi's stranger asked her to dance again. He lead her out onto the floor. The patrons around them seemed to pulse to the music and the heat was suffocating. She moved to the music and allowed him to move in close. As they danced she could feel the cloud of alcohol allowing her mind to wander and her emotions to subside. When he bent down to kiss her, she didn't resist. She let his kiss take her and she felt her stomach tighten. Memories of the last kiss Jordan gave her flooded her mind and when her beautiful stranger broke away she whispered Jordan into the pounding music.
"Sorry" he said with a smile
Her eyes flew open at the sound of his voice. She stared at him as confused thoughts racing through her mind. What in god's name was she doing? She pushed away from him hastily and almost ran back to the table. She snatched up her purse wildly.
"I have to go" she breathed at Lexi
"Wait" Lexi screamed after her as she raced out of the club.
When she got out side she pressed her back against the wall and gasped for air. Her sides ache and her heart burned. She couldn't do this, she didn't know how she was ever going to move away from him.
"Steph" Lexi gasped out as she grabbed her arm when she came flying out of the entrance.
Stephi turned her tear ravaged face to her and whimpered.
"Did that prick do something to you?" Lexi said motioning back into the club
"No" Steph sobbed "He just kissed me and I called him Jordan" Stephi wailed
"Oh sweetie" Lexi said as she rubbed her head.
She let her cry for a few moments and then she laughed. "I know exactly what we need" She said helping her wipe her face off
"What?" Stephi sniffed
"You leave that to me" Lexi said as she called Tay to drive them home.
Stephi allowed Lexi to steer her into the back of the car and she sobbed silently as they rode. The comfort of Lexi arm around her allowed her some strength as they drove through the city and the alcohol subsided. When they pulled up outside a small park Stephi blinked. She didn't really know what was going on as she followed Lexi across the road to a set of swings. She took the one beside her and hung her head.
"Thanks" she whispered to the darkness around them
"That's what I am here for" Lexi said as she smiled pumping her legs to get the swing to move. Stephi smiled back and started her own swing. They swung in the silence for a little while and then Stephi actually found herself smiling. She laughed out loud.
"You know when we were little we used to swing and sing NKOTB songs and make up video's to them" she said grinning
"Really?" Lexi said excitedly "Oh to be young again"
"Yeah" Stephi sighed as she swung.
They swang in the silence for almost five minutes.
"You know I have been thinking" Lexi said
"Oh god this is dangerous" Stephi giggled uncontrollably
"Thanks a lot bitch" she said pushing at her arm "but before I was so rudely insulted I was thinking we could relive the past with a bit of help" she grinned mischievously at her as she swung
"What?" Stephi said as she stopped the swinging by dragging her feet.
"Well I have an unopened bottle of voddy and a cabinet full of memories back at my place" Lexi said with a grin
"Then what in the hell are we waiting for" Steph exclaimed jumping up
They headed across the park for Lexi place, skipping like schoolgirls as they went.
When they got to her place Stephi felt that she would need the whole bottle to do what they were about to do but she settled for a couple of booster shots of the burning clear liquid. When the old New Kids on the Block concert video came on she wasn't quite sure what her reaction would be but all the memories from her forgotten childhood came flooding back. It only took a couple of bars of the first song to send both of them squealing like little girls again. They sang and danced like they were back in grade school. When the part she had been waiting with a twisted stomach on, started she couldn't control her tears. She sat down on a heap in the floor and cried like she had never before.
"Oh god" Lexi said wrapped her arms around her "I forgot about that one, I am so sorry" she said smoothing her hair down.
"No, No" Stephi said as the sobbs continued to rack her body "I needed it"
Lexi sat in the floor and held her as she cried it all out. "I can't believe I had it, I had what I had always dreamed of and I left it standing on a balcony in Boston" she cried hard again "and Brian, I had dreamed of that once too and look what I did with that" she said as she cried into her hands
"Stephi you had to make those choices for you" Lexi said as she rocked her "You had to do what was best for you" she said again.
"what's best for me" Stephi said pleadingly "How the hell was any of this best for me" she said looking up to her face "Here I sat drunk on the floor watching New Kids tapes, what have I done with my life" she said back to her hands.
She looked up into the screen as a young Jordan did his infamous routine that she had fell in love with so many years ago. She cried into her hands again.
"He was what I always wanted" she said getting up to tap at the screen "he was my dream and I had it" she turned back to Lexi "I had it and I just fucking threw it away" she cried as she fell to her knees again.
"Sweetheart, it will all work out" Lexi said lightly "Jordan loves you and you love him. Trust me you will find each other" she said rubbing at her head.
"Lexi I love him so fucking much its killing me" Stephi all but screamed as she got to her feet. "Do you know what it did to me to walk away" she sucked in a heaving breath as she cried and screamed "Do you know what it took to leave him standing there pleading with me" Steph sobbed pacing around running her hands through her hair.

"Oh god" Lexi said with a hand to her mouth as if Bubba's pain meant more to her than Jordan's
Lexi just held on as Stephi paced and cried, screamed and cried some more. In the morning it looked like she had been used for a punching bag. She slept most of the day, giving Lexi the needed breather she needed . The rest of the time she wallowed in self pity but never said anything else about what she was going through. They all went through the motions of spending time together without bringing up what Stephi felt like was a huge pink elephant following her around.
After spending almost two weeks of her constant pity party, Lexi and Laura had just about enough and Steph  felt it. She decided to try and move on with her life in the real world so she finally booked a ticket back to Jamestown. She knew she had well over stayed her welcome and her depression was wearing on her friends. She had to love them. They were trying their best to make her feel better while keeping her grounded in reality but she wasn't being too receptive. She said a tearful goodbye to Tay, Michelle, T and Laura and thanked them for tolerating all of her moping. Lexi took her to the airport. The entire ride she felt doomed, like by going back home she would have nothing to keep her from going off the deep end. She couldn't stop the tears from coming. They were always just behind the surface now of days. She knew she needed to stop this, really needed to get on with living but she couldn't see how she was going to do that. When they pulled up at the airport Lexi silently helped her with her bags and to the security gate. Stephi could tell that she was holding something back but she wasn't quite sure if she was going to tell her off or not so she didn't ask. When it was time for her to officially move on she couldn't take it anymore and she crushed under the weight of responsibility. She hung her head and shook with silent sobbs.
"Steph" Lexi said with an encouraging hand on her shoulder
"What?" Stephi asked as she looked up
"This is going to work out" Lexi said with a smile "once you get back and can talk it all out it will be ok"
"Its over" Steph sobbed defeatedly

"He's never going to choose me and there is nothing I can do about it" she said taking a steadying breath