Forbidden Secrets (Completed ✅)

Twenty Two

Jordan  pressed his back against the door closing  it. God this was killing him.

Jordan ran his hands through his hair. She smelled so damn good . What in the hell was going on between them? He had never been more confused in his entire life.  Steph ran cold then would cling to him running major hot. He walked over to the bathroom. On his way over he saw a shirt lying on the floor. That was odd. He didn't change in here last night, did he? He picked up the shirt from its heap and held it to his nose. The light vanilla fragrance made his insides tingle.

She had worn this. She had slept in this.

Flashes of Steph  staggering drunk across a hotel room made him smile. She  kept the shirt and his sweatshirt, and, he thought as his confusion rose, she was wearing them. For the life of him Jordan  couldn't understand this woman. He showered and tried to wash away the feelings he had. Jordan  felt like they were just churning around in his chest. He had to talk to her, he knew that now. He really had to tell her how he felt. Today would be the perfect day. They could spend it together going around to all of his favorite places. He thought about calling Jonathan. If he wasn't busy she would be over the moon to meet him. He smiled. She would laugh at the two of them. Jordan  just loved to hear Steph's laugh. Jordan was still grinning to himself as he dried off and got dressed. He looked at himself in the mirror. Jeans, a white button up and his favorite Red Sox  cap. He guessed he looked ok. With the sun glassed he hoped they wouldn't get spotted or worse he grimaced get their picture taken. He looked down at her purse on the dresser and sighed. He envied her normal average life. He so wanted that. Just an everyday human being that no body worried about who you were with or what you were doing. He saw a small black vinyl book and couldn't help himself. He tugged it out gently. It was a small pocket photo album. He opened it with a smile. There she was with her husband on her wedding day. She looked breath taking in that dress. Guilt tore through him. She looked so happy. He wondered if it was the same for her as it had been for him. The illusion. The thought that marriage would be the answer to every dream. He went through the pics. There were people that he guessed were her family, brothers and sisters it looked like. The last two pics gave him renewed conviction about talking to her. One was of a group of women on a couch. It had to be them. It had to be her girls in the south that she talked so much about. The last one was of her and him. It was worn at the edges. He had hoped it was from holding it, or taking it out to show everyone. He smiled remembering that night and how nervous he was around her, and he sighed as he remembered how that evening had turned out. He got up and slid the small book back into her purse and re checked himself in the mirror. God this woman was going to drive him crazy. He went to the door and walked out. He couldn't hold back the laugh. She was sitting on the couch with a bagel in her hand bouncing along to a music channel.

"What is this?" he said pointing to a tray of various breakfast items on the coffee table.
"Bubba and Chad are MIA so I thought you would like to eat" she said munching on the bagel.
"You mean you were hungry" he laughed
"Yeah and you need to eat too" she said with a grin.
He took a bagel off the tray and plopped down beside her.
"What are you watching?" he asked as he gestured to the TV
"MTV" she said
"They still play videos on MTV?" he said munching on his own bagel.
"Yeah in the morning" she said
They finished up their breakfast and made their way down to the lobby.
"So where are we going?" she asked as she slid on her sun glasses.
"Umm not really sure" he shrugged "I guess I could show you the old neighborhood"
"You're the tour guide" she said with a grin.
He walked with her around the streets of where he grew up. It had gotten a lot harder since they had moved out but he neglected to tell her that. Somehow her thinking that he had really rough beginning in life appealed to him. It made him seem real. She asked about how they all met even though he was almost positive she knew the story by heart. They talked and laughed as they walked. He asked about where she grew up and her family. It was amazing how similar their childhoods where. The sisters, divorce. He felt like he was finally getting under that tough skin of hers, and they were really making a connection. For the first time in a long time he felt just like any other guy with any other woman. He didn't feel guarded or secretive. He wasn't worried who was looking at them or if he needed security. They made their way back downtown toward the river and she stopped to take in the view.
"I knew I would love this place" she hummed with her eyes closed as the wind blew her face. He watched her hair dance across her smooth face and felt the knot inside of him tighten. He didn't know what made him do it, he didn't even think. He reached up and rubbed her face lightly. She didn't open her eyes she just continued to smile. He stepped up to her and took her face with his other hand. She looked at him unchallenging. He saw it in her eyes, knew she felt it. He smiled at her as he bent his head down and softly kissed her lips. She stepped closer to him and put her hands on his arms. He kissed her again lightly, waiting for her to stop him. When she didn't he kissed her again this time slow and deep. He felt her press up against him. The tension between them mounted as she continued to kiss him. She reached around and grabbed the base of his neck as he held her face. They kissed and kissed. He didn't want to let her go, didn't want the reality to slide back in. When they finally stepped away they blinked at each other. She smiled shyly and he was shocked. She looked almost embarrassed.
"What?" he said softly as he grabbed her hand.
She laughed and he watched tears flood her eyes. He started to apologize but she held up a hand. "Don't ruin it by apologizing" she croaked out. Damn this woman could read his mind.
"Then why the tears" he said lightly as he reached up to wipe them way. She jerked away from his hand.
"Nothing" she said quickly and wiped them away herself.
He stood there in complete shock. He had thought this was going to be the moment that he actually opened up to her but she was slamming the door in his face. She wiped the hot tears angrily from her face. She couldn't believe she let herself do this. Why did she keep doing this to herself? There was never going to be anything more between them than this and she kept up the crazy hope that he actually loved her. God she was a stupid naïve woman. He touched her arms and she felt that electricity again. He pulled her into him and kissed her cheek. She stood there letting him hold her, the breeze blowing around them.
"Shall we get on with the tour then" he said lightly
"Please let's do" she said with a sniff.
Things were different. A little distant. She could feel him pulling away and she had to fight not to stop it. He should her some old hang outs and the mall where they used to do shows when they were starting out.
"Are you excited about seeing them again" she asked while he was remembering
"Yeah I am and nervous too" he said with a grin
"Want to measure up do you" she said with a laugh
"Yeah I guess so" he admitted.
They finished their abbreviated tour of the massive city at a small pizza joint. The sun was sinking in the sky as they laughed and talked. When they finished he grabbed her hand.
"I want to show you my spot" he said with a softness she thought she would never see again.
"Your spot?" she asked curiously as she watched him hail a cab.
They made their way to a park in the city. After a little walk they came to a small bridge over a small pond. He just stood there looking out into it. The sun sank lower as they just stood by each other in the growing darkness. She smiled as she watched the city lights wink on magically.
"Why did you bring me here?" she said softly to his shadowed outline. The cool breeze pushed her hair in her face. The slight chill reminded her that spring was almost fully on them.
"Huh, what?" Jordan looked up from his daze, "What do you mean why did I bring you here?"
"Well, You said that this was your spot, where nobody else bothered you, so why me? Why now?" she said with her hands out. She was really fucking tired of this new mood he seemed to be in and she was hoping that he was finally going to talk to her.
He shook his head and turned away. "I don't know, I just don't know any more."
"Don't know about what?" she said touching him lightly on his turned back
"I don't know about us" he said forcefully throwing up his hands. "When I am not with you, I am thinking about you, when I am with you all I think about is ...."
"Is what?" she asked.
"Never fucking mind, your right I don't know why I brought you here, it won't change anything...."
"Well that's a fucked up thing to say", she said putting her hands on her hips "change? Why are you always wanting to change things?" she said forcefully, "can't we just be who we are?"
"No no I can't be who I am!" he said walking away again, "you have no idea you have no fucking idea what it is to be me!" He said pounding a fist on his chest.
"I try" she said softly laying a hand on his burning cheek, "I do try but you don't understand what it's like for me either. I can't tell anyone, I mean no one the things that we do or that we say, do you know how much that kills me to lie to my friends, Jesus Jordan, they would probably hate me if they knew" she said swiping a lone tear off her cheek
"Hate you?" he said in a confused tone, "See that is my fucking point, why do I always have to cause drama with everyone" He turned away again "my whole life I have caused nothing but drama" he laughed menacingly "and everyone thinks Jordan has it easy, what a crock of shit" he added almost to himself
"No no," she almost laughed at him "you have got it all wrong, that's not why they would hate me"
"It's not?" he was shocked at the amused look on her face. She was so naive he thought. She actually thought that they would sing and dance for her. It never happened that way and he knew that all too well.
"No" she said grabbing his hand and laughing "they would be upset that I kept it from them'. The admission sent fresh guilt through her. She had wanted so bad to talk about it to them. But...she finally admitted to herself, she was secretly afraid that they would really hate her for finally getting "their" man or worse they may not even believe her.
"Really?" he said pulling his hand away, he just couldn't touch her like that right now "I figured it would be like everything else is with me, jealousy and bitching"
"you always have that with women" she laughed again "and yes some would hate me and call me names and make up horrible stuff, but the ones that matter wouldn't" she finished looking back across the perfectly still lake
"Ok" he said taking her hand back "you can tell them"
"What?" she said jerking around "you mean I can..." she trailed off trying to formulate just how she would do it?
He had to laugh. He had never been with anyone like this before. He was so amused at her excitement and he was about to ask just who she was going to tell when his cell vibrated
"What? No not now, I can't, I am in the studio, just tell him to go to bed please, damn I am trying to work" he snapped it shut
Her happy plans diminished as his shutting of the phone seemed to echo in her head.
"Was that..." she started looking ominously at the phone
"Yeah, she.....well ......she wanted me to come home" He said looking painfully at her
"You should" she said rubbing his hand and focusing on his wedding band, "you should go to her"
"I don't....." he began and she forced a hand over his mouth
"Don't make me your excuse," she said plainly and started to walk away.
He grabbed her arm before she could get far. "My excuse for what exactly" he demanded bitterly.