Forbidden Secrets (Completed ✅)

Thirty Five

"Listen, everything is so fucked up. Your wife, my husband" Steph  complained  poking a finger hard at her chest "We can't keep going on like this, in the shadows, hiding" she hung her head in defeat "I can't do this anymore" she said in a breath that came from her weary soul.
"I love you"Jordan  spoke while  walking over to her, his face now shinning with fresh silent tears "I love you with everything I have and will ever have" he grabbed her shoulders "I just can't do this without you" 
"I can't, no I won't do this anymore" she said through racking sobs "I can't take all the rumors, the denials, the lying" she looked away. The worst part she told herself is that to everyone even herself she would just be the groupie, the random fan that followed him around. Their relationship would never be serious to anyone, not even to him. She was his comfort zone that he could always fall back on and she couldn't stand in his shadow anymore, it was tearing her apart.
"That's has always been my life" he said with a shrug "I guess I am just immune to it now" he finished and finally released her arms.
He just wasn't getting it, she wanted to scream. He couldn't understand that she needed him to choose her, not just say it but really for once and for all choose her. She didn't know how to make him see it.
"Jordan you have a wife that you need to turn to, not me" she said as the tears slid down her cheeks. "I can't be your ego boost anymore" she sucked in breath

"I can't be your back up"

Jordan's  eyes   full of hurt fury "You were never my back up" he paused to calm himself "you have made me see things in myself and feel things I didn't know that I was capable of" he looked away "she has never done that for me" he spun back around with renewed anger "she has never once supported me or helped me with my career" he let out a harsh laugh "hell at times I think she has deliberately tried to sabotage it" he took her shoulders again "but you make me see what I really can do"
"You are still with her Jordan" Steph breathed out  frustrated "after everything, no matter how many times you say it or play around it you are still fucking with her" She paused as she let that hang in between them. The silence stretched as the dry wind blew around them. Jordan finally met her eyes and she saw everything.

The confusion, the love and then the defeat that he felt.

She saw him take a heavy breath as he composed  himself.

"It's about everything I have worked for in life" he said finally "If I don't play this right, I could lose it all" he explained emotionally 
Steph stood there in disbelief  shocked right down to the bone.

Jordan  finally admitted  it, what was really all underneath.

He was scared to death of losing everything he  gained. His life, his possessions and his career would be gone if his wife found out about them and they both knew it.

Steph knew then that she  had to do this now, there was no stopping it. She  had to be the one to let it go and hope against everything that he would find his way back to her somehow.

She felt the desperation at the thought that she wasn't worth throwing it all away for. She took a deep breath. If he was capable of doing that then he wouldn't be the man she fell in love with. She just had to do this. She had to give him his way out.

"We just need to take time away and fix our own problems" Steph  told him quietly with a hand on his shoulder

"You can focus on your career more and try to fix this mess" .

"I can't do any of it without you and you know that"Jordan attempted to reason as he gently grabbing her hand

"Steph you have given me strength that I never knew I had inside of me"

She wanted to scream in complete frustration again.

Why was he playing weak now?

She knew they had to do this, they had to take time to separate and see the situation for what it really was. Jordan had to choose what he wanted, everything he had built in his life or what he could have with her.

"Jordan..." She sighed in frustration "we need to do this and you know it, we can't go on like this. It's killing you and I know..." she gave a small false laugh "that its killing me"
"Steph.... don't.....Baby  Please...." she raised her hand to stop him, she couldn't take his begging.
"Just stop, I can't go through all of this again" she looked at her watch "Jordan I love you and I have since I was twelve and probably always will, but I can't do this" she told him as he looked down away from her. She recognized the defeat again.
"I am going away for a while" he looked up in shock
"Where?" he croaked
"It doesn't matter where, we can talk when I get back" she paused at his wounded expression "I just need the time to think"

She sighed deeply it was time to go.

"I don't want us to end this way" he said pleadingly again as he realized her unrelenting determination
"Everything in life ends badly" she said almost to herself with a laugh "otherwise it sure as hell wouldn't end" 
"I don't want it to end at all God Damn it!" he screamed.

He was losing control and she and she could see his torment all over his face. She tried her best to comfort him without losing her conviction.