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> Chapter Six <
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I don't remember ever having so many emotions or swirling thoughts in my life. It was terrible. All I could think about was how Travis asked me if there was someone else and I lied and said that, no, there wasn't. Then he tried to...
I sigh and lean against the wall.
After I got inside the house I'd locked the door behind me and shrank to the floor. I sobbed for a while and now, here I am still a sobbing mess of emotions and horror and content and...
I'm glad I'm out to someone.
Whoa.
The thought that someone knows I'm a lesbian is horrifying and amazing at the same time. I trust Maya with my secret, but that means so many different things for me.
Travis doesn't know. After I declined his... offer, he might think I really have found someone else. I'm scared that he'll break up with me but at the same time it's exactly what I want to happen. There's a mixture of fear and hope. There's nothing I can do to erase what Travis wanted to do. I didn't want to and I made that clear. He didn't persist, but the event had shaken me.
I sniffle, using the back of my hand to wipe my eyes. As I stand up slowly my phone vibrates in my back pocket and I sigh, praying that it's Maya and not... him. I carefully start walking to the bathroom, pulling it into my hand and looking to see who texted me.
Travis.
Nope. I'm not doing this... this thing... no... I feel my eyes well with more tears and sniffle, my breath coming in shaky gasps. Some tears roll down my face and I set my phone on the edge of the sink, shaking my head hurriedly.
I can't handle this anymore... it's exhausting and it's stupid...
I don't think about what I'm doing. I snatch my phone and dial Maya's number. It rings twice but feels like a decade before her voice comes to the line.
"Hey, is everything o--" she slows her voice to a halt as I start sobbing hard. "You said you were fine." She sounds hurt and disappointed.
I sob a few times, practically breathless. "People lie, Maya," I choke out. We remain in silence for a moment. "I thought I'd be fine and then he texted me and I don't know if I can keep doing this--"
"Whoa! Slow down!" I hear movement and then I let out a slow, quiet wail. Maya sighs and she talks softly into her phone. "I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me."
"I'm exhausted." I don't know either, to be brutally honest.
"Mentally?"
"Yes." I groan, sitting down on the floor and shaking. Chills start up my spine as I remember how loud he yelled. "It's exhausting..."
"Life? What's exhausting, Blaine? I know your hurt, and probably scared, but you need to gather at least a little bit of your sanity so that I understand you."
