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> Chapter Fourteen <
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Maya's face plays itself in the back of my mind as I sit down at the table Vesper and I have chosen. She pulls out her own chair and sits down across from me, her eyes flickering with emotions I don't particularly like seeing.
"So," I start. She doesn't stare at me, just eyes the door with an empty expression. I awkwardly avert my gaze to the table, examining the wooden patterns. "Umm..."
"That's kind of odd, Blaine."
My head snaps up, my eyes rounding to meet Vesper's face. She stares back, a lack of concern or sympathy meeting my own eyes. Instead, there's nothing.
"I... yeah, I know, but I--"
"No, you don't know. You clearly don't." She shakes her head, leaning forward to rest her arms over the tabletop, staring down at it for a moment. "For an outburst like that to come out of you with no holding back? That's not right. Especially with such context."
Why is she acting like it's a problem? What if she knew I was gay?
"Well, I just didn't find it funny..." I trail. She looks up at me and cocks a brow, her dark eyes meeting my own. I feel my cheeks hot with embarrassment. It's like shame, now, crawling up my stomach.
I shouldn't be ashamed...
"But you acted like it offended you, Blaine. That's what I don't get."
"It offends me," I confirm. Why can't we just order our darned drinks and forget about it? "Because it could offend LGBT people."
"You aren't one of them." Vesper comments. My heart pounds in my chest and I try to choke back the tears that might come with more provoking. I don't understand how she can just label me without my consent. That's like calling someone queer. It isn't nice. The history of that word isn't nice. "You don't need to care so much."
I furrow my brows, eyeing her in slight offence. "Can we please just forget about it, Vesper?" I sigh slowly, feeling defeat crawl into me.
As a homosexual girl, I very strongly feel the need to stand up for the community of people just like me. I feel the need to protect my rights and to be true to myself.
But as a closeted homosexual, things are insanely different. I don't need to protect or stand up for anything; I simply know I want to. I know that if I ever feel brave enough, I can- but I never do. Maybe I never will.
Vesper looks away. "I think I'm going to ask if they have chai tea." She states.
Is this her way of forgetting? Just changing the subject? I eye her for a moment, trying to understand. The same fear, anger, shame and defeat still rage on in my head, but I force myself to act like Vesper is.
"...yeah, that's a good idea." I agree. "I might get an iced coffee- if they have that."
The tension is still there as we both stand up. Vesper goes to the counter as though she isn't thinking about our dispute. I, however, awkwardly trail behind her a few steps.
