kiss me | 솝

15. needs

I woke up to the feeling of needing something. Needing something to bring me up, needing something to keep me up and needing.. the feeling of Hoseok's lips on mine.

I already told you how it was the most beautiful thing I ever felt in my entire life, right? Well, and now it was just painful because I couldn't really get what I wanted because I was afraid he might reject me if I told him about what happened 'that night' and never want to talk to me ever again. Of course this sounded a bit stupid, but still - I didn't know Hoseok well enough to be abled to tell how he would react if me or someone else confessed to him or.. well, tell him that we kissed when both of us were drunk.

I didn't know if I should be disappointed or happy about the fact that he didn't remember any of these things, but it made me a bit sad to be honest - Aish, I said that before, too.

The first thing I saw when I unlocked my phone was the two messages I sent to him when I was slightly drunk yesterday, oops.
"Read at 2:34 AM", the small text box under my messages announced. I sighed and I felt something building up inside of me. Fear? Sadness? A heartbreak, disappointment, chill? I really couldn't tell what I was feeling.

I got up, instantly receiving a headache stopping my thoughts just for a second, then both of them were.. It felt like they were beating me up. I took an aspirant and hoped it would make me feel better.

Today I'd see Hoseok again - at least I expected to see him - and I felt a bit anxious about that to be honest. Would he just give judgmental looks? Would he kiss me? Would he beat me up? Or would he just not understand what I meant and do nothing?

Well, in the end, the fourth option became reality - and it has been the one I least expected to happen. I felt that I got a bit disappointed, but maybe it was just better this way. He didn't come with Taehyung this time, he told me the younger visited a friend today and he didn't have a shift today anyways so.. he enjoyed his day off. Hoseok was right after practice again - He told me about the new members of the dance group, the song they were dancing to,...

I liked listening to him and I liked his voice. I liked how he talked about the things he loved, his face becoming bright just when he mentions the word "dance" and all of that just made ne feel happy and also a bit proud - don't ask me why.

And then, he said a few words. Not many, but the amount of words he said didn't matter. They seemed to hit me in the face and I didn't really expect to hear them, but..

"When you said that we'd probably have to talk about 'what happened at night', what were you talking about?"

My face flushed red instantly.
"I..Umm..

I can't really tell you.."

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second update for today because i am a bit excited about the fact that i don't have to go to school for the rest of the week and next week is basically sports day, bowling and then.. the last day of school. another thing I'm excited about is that I cut my hair today.