"But I really want to know!", Hoseok pouted, doing aegyo. Normally, I thought aegyo was annoying but when he did it, it was actually cute? Or maybe it was just him who I admired so much - someone help me please.
I sighed and put a smile on my face. "Please Hoseok, try to understand - I can't get myself to tell you about what happened there."
And I really couldn't. All the words I could say were coming up my throat but something else inside of me threw them back to where they came from and some kind of.. fear took over?
All I could think of was kissing him but I just couldn't - So I said "I will tell you later. Sometime." and suggested to change the topic and then we talked about all the stiff happening in this world until Hoseok received a phone call.
"Umm sorry Tae is calling", Hoseok mumbled and answered the call with a "hello?"
All I could hear from the conversation they had was a "Wait what .... Oh so-... Yeah I'll- ... Mhm... Yeah I'll be there as soon as I can. ... Yeah. ... Understand. ... Yeah, you too ... okay see you" and when Hoseok hung up I sighed.
"So I guess you'll have to go now?"
He nodded and I sighed again.
"It's okay, have fun doing whatever you're doing then", I said and forced a smile. "Yeah.. He said it's something very important so I don't know if it really will be fun but thank you I guess.. I'll have to go now then", the younger answered and got up and pulled me into a short hug. I mumbled a short "goodbye" and hugged back, then he left and I was alone again.
As soon as he left, I felt something building up inside of me, something I couldn't really identify.
Well, maybe I was just missing him again, but.. It felt like some kind of fear that Taehyung could take him away from me.
Aish, why would he? I already kind of told him how I felt about Hoseok, did I? Or did he think the confession and the kiss were just stupid mistakes we made because we were drunk? Something inside of me told me that was exactly what Taehyung labelled it as.
I didn't want them to be a thing - which was almost not even necessary to say because - fuck, I was falling for Hoseok. Maybe I already fell for him. Maybe I fell in love with him.
And he, well.. he didn't.
But sometimes, I wondered if he felt the same way as I did. I mean, as long as he didn't tell me he didn't like me at all I could at least imagine that to be the truth, right? So I sat there and wondered if he cared about me, if he thought about me. I wondered if I was on his mind from time to time, or when he was eating and right before falling asleep or just walking down some random street. Did he ever think of me? Did he think of my face, my habits, how I moved, did he think of kissing me?
Did he think of all the things I thought of when I thought of him?
I guess I'd never get to know. And seriously, I felt so stupid for saying or thinking things like that, but that's what was on my mind and I want to tell nothing but the truth - there's nothing I hated more than lies. But I couldn't get it out of my head.. The thought of him worrying about me, thinking about me, did he notice what he was doing to me? Did he notice how he wrapped me around his finger?
I was under his spell and it was beautiful - and a bit painful at the same time. I thought of him.. all the time. Every step I took, every breath I made - he was on my mind and I was almost addicted.
Maybe I already fell for him.
I really wanted him to think of me the same way as I did, to be honest. I wanted him to care, I wanted him to like and.. I wanted him to love me, just as much as I did. That'd be enough. And if I couldn't get that I could just be happy about his existence in my life (Which I already was. His existence gave me hope.) - how big the pain I might would feel some time because of him, I decided to do nothing but make him stay in my life. Because even though we weren't even that close, he became one of the morst important people in my life and I couldn't imagine a life without him, oops. He gave me strength and hope.
After saying goodbyes to Seokjin, I left the coffee shop and put on a song from my playlist, putting my headphones into my ears.
"I thought I had it all figured out
No, you would never fall for me now
I wonder if you wonder why I'm never around
I wonder if you, I wonder if you wonder what I'm doing right now
You can hear the pain in my sound
Laughed as I fell to the ground
I wonder if you wonder why I'm never around
I wonder if you,
I wonder if you wonder what I'm doing right now."
I wondered.. If he wondered. I wondered if he ever would wonder about me or wonder if I was wondering about him, wondering about the same things as I did?
And once again, a song described my feelings better than I ever could.
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the song is "wonder if you wonder" by witt lowry btw. idk, at the beginning of this chapter it just came into my mind so I.. kind of involved it. have a good day!! xx
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kiss me | 솝
Fanfiction[ "My biggest mistake was to think that I never could fall." ] Yoongi, who works in a small coffee shop in Seoul, gets interested in a costumer and wants to get to know him.
