* Hoseok's POV because I like switching POVs oops *
I stood in front of Taehyung's aparment door and for some reason, I was damn nervous. Shit.
I felt guilty. I wanted to be abled to return his feelings - that really was what I wanted, but I just couldn't so there was another person to disappoint. I couldn't get myself to ring the bell, I felt so insecure. But I had to go in for once, I had to at least take my sports bag with all of my stuff out of the apartment. And I hoped Taehyung wouldn't be too pissed off because of me.
Well, then, finally, I got myself to ring the bell and just a few moments later, the door was opnened. A tired looking, yet somehow beautiful guy with dark shadows under his reddened eyes was standing in front of me. Taehyung.
"Hello, I'm-", I started but got interrupted by Taehyung just pulling me into the apartment. "It's okay, don't worry. You can't just always get what you want, can you? And I can't judge you for not returning my feelings. I mean, of course I am slightly disappointed and also a bit sad but that doesn't mean it's your fault or that I'm mad at you - How could I be? Nobody gets to decide about their feelings." He shrugged and I didn't know what to say.
Didn't I decide about my feelings when I told myself to not ever fall in love again with anyone? Or did I already break my own rule and fell for someone without noticing - or controlling it.
And if I did.. Who would it be? Who did I feel... most connected with? I loved Jimin for such a long time, I forgot how it felt having a crush on someone. I forgot how it felt starting to like someone.
And I wondered.. Did I lie to Taehyung? Did I fell for him, quietly, without even noticing I did? Did I? Or maybe Yoongi? Everything could be possible. Maybe, one day I would just remember how it feels like to fall for someone when I did.. Stop. What on earth was I thinking?? I told myself I wouldn't fall in love, I told myself I couldn't - And I also couldn't just break the promises I made to myself.
No, I didn't fall for anyone. I also wouldn't fall for anyone. In the end, there would just be pain and tears and sadness. I didn't want to get hurt and I also didn't want anyone to get hurt, especially not because of me. I had to keep this way of thinking on, I was about to lose it. I was about to wonder if I had to move on. If I had to.. find someone else and then live happily ever after until the famous happy ending came.
But in love, there was barely happy endings. I couldn't imagine love ending in happiness. I couldn't imagine anything to end in happines either, at least at the moment.
I was that kind of guy who just needed happy endings. And I also was that kind of guy who knew there wouldn't be any of them at all in his life. Well, and that's why I won't ever fall in love again.
That's what I promised myself and yet I sit here and wonder if I broke my promise or not, becaude something felt.. Different. It may take me a while to figure out what exactly I was feeling. And maybe, I already knew what was happening to me, I just couldn't get myself to admit what I noticed about myself.
I was pushed put of my thoughts as Taehyung sat down next to me. "Where did you go last night? I was worried", he said. "I went to Yoongi's, I'm sorry.. I felt a bit confused and i didn't know what to do and I didn't want to hurt you so I just.. left I guess."
He nodded, looking at me and then smiling lightly. "It's okay, really. Do you want me to order some pizza? We can sit here and watch a movie or something. Let's just -- Everything is what it was like before I kissed you. Let's just try to forget about that."
Actually, that seemed to be quite a good idea to me so we ended up on the couch watching Sherlock and eating pizza. I texted Yoongi that everything was fine and he didn't have to worry or anything. Taehyung also offered him to come here so he joined us and we ended up on the couch together.
After some hours of binging Sherlock, we all said goodnight to each other and Taehyung and I went to bed, Yoongi went back home. Surprisingly, a part of me really wanted him to stay and I couldn't explain why.
And here I was again, in bed - Spending the rest of the night thinking about how I could get myself out of that mess of feelings and stuff and I just couldn't stop thinking about... What if I fell in love one day?
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today or grade has a bowling match and I'm kinda hyped for it tbh evwn though i suck at bowling
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kiss me | 솝
Fanfiction[ "My biggest mistake was to think that I never could fall." ] Yoongi, who works in a small coffee shop in Seoul, gets interested in a costumer and wants to get to know him.
