kiss me | 솝

22. nervous

So we spent the whole evening watching Sherlock and eating pizza, but even though I normally couldn't stop staring at Benedict Cumberbatch with his sharp cheekbones, this time I couldn't help but spend most of the time staring at Hoseok. I didn't judge.. myself though. I bet anyone would have spent the whole time staring at him.

He is beautiful. He was beautiful and I bet he would always be. I wondered if one day, he'd be mine. Or, one day, I would be his. I wondered, if that was even possible to happen and I wondered if I should try to get over the fact that it was nearly impossible that he would return my feelings.

But also, I didn't want to let go of falling for him. It was painful, but it was also beautiful. I came to a point where I wanted to fall for him. Where it felt good to fall for him, just because I felt like this was the only way I could appreciate this beautiful human being who was currently sitting next to me.

Maybe one day I could just.. accept my feelings towards Hoseok being one-sided, but I just couldn't imagine lwtting go of those feelings for him. I also felt kinda bad thinking about that. I couldn't let go, no matter how much it would hurt to stay. Yes, I was in love.

After I came back home, I couldn't stop thinking about Hoseok. And James Moriarty who was fucking hot to be honest, but I bet Hoseok could beat him with that. And Hoseok also took the main part of my thoughts.

Soon, I slept in, dreaming about how things could be, dreaming about how I wanted things to be. Did he even give a damn about me? And then I remembered the kiss. It felt so real. I really had to tell him about that.

Well, tomorrow was a new day, right? Tomorrow was the day I wanted to tell him about the one thing I was keeping for myself for... quite some time. The thing that didn't really matter to him of course, but I was sure he'd like - or he'd have - to know. The time I kissed him. The time he wanted me to kiss him.

~

I woke up again, practically running to my closet and throwing on whatever I could find in there, realizing I looked like shit but I couldn't really donanything about it at that moment because I was late. Yup, I had overslept. Great, huh? The best way to start your day. Especially when you marked that day as some kind of special day because you were looking forward to an event that was making you.. a bit nervous.

This time, I was really going to tell Hoseok about the kiss. I wouldn't even mind if he didn't cate about it. I just thought he had to know.

And then I ran to work, somehow not being late and also not meeting Taehyung there - he must have been sick or something. Maybe he was just not feeling well. I wasn't mad though, I could handle this on my own. Yes, even though he kind of kissed my crush and I have some reasons to be jealous, I still like him and I would also like to have him there.

The hours went by.. so slowly. It was tiring and I was under so much pressure, that the time got by even slower. It was killing me. I couldn't really handle it I- I was so nervous. Everytime a new costumer was announced, I would just immediately check if it wasn't Hoseok and my face flushed red because I was panicking - also at times I couldn't even expect im to come here because it was just too early.

Well, and then, around the time he always would come in here, he finally came. Sweaty as always, with his sports bag, ordering a coffee and a chocolate muffin, as he always did. I was shaking, I was nervous and it didn't really get better when I sat down to him, knowing I really had to start talking soon.

"So.. Hoseok?", I began. The younger looked at me, humming as in asking me to continue what I was trying to start saying, then focussing on his muffin again.

"I.. I have something to tell you, I guess." I chuckled nervously. Oh, this was gonna get embarrassing. And if not, it would just get awkward as heck.

"Go on", Hoseok commanded, not really paying attention to me. Well, he did pay attention, but I think he didn't really expect something big being announced by me. Well, maybe it wasn't even that of a bit matter to him.

"You remember the one night you were staying at my apartment and you wanted me to tell you about what happened that night becausw you couldn't remember, right?"

"Well, As you mentioned - I can't remember any of the night but I knew you wanted to talk with me about something.. that happened that night and I am still curious about that, to be honest. The memories won't come back as it seems."

"Well that night.."
I gulped.
"We got drunk and played a game. And you.. you asked me if I liked you."

He nodded. "And what did you say?"

"I said yes and you wanted me to kiss you."

"Oh", Hoseok whispered.

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we're slowly coming to an end guys. today is the beginning of summer break and i don't know if i should feel excited or terrified about the upcoming schol year