kiss me | 솝

23. kiss me

"I.. I don't know what to say, Yoongi. It's just.. I'm sorry, but I can't remember anything."
Hoseok seemed to be about to cry, honestly, he looked so done and shocked and I felt somehow guilty - maybe because it was my fault. But I had to tell him, right? It was the right thing to do.

"I'm sorry.. But I thought you had to know. I- I still do."

Hoseok just nodded, quickly eating his muffin, then continuing struggling with his thoughts.. I guess. "Yeah, you're right", he said, "it's good that you told me, but I just don't know how to handle it. I'm sorry."

I didn't want him to be sorry but I didn't know what to say either so I just kept quiet and he did so, too.  The only thing I wanted him to do was either to remember or to kiss me but I knew nor of that would happen.

The silence was getting awkward. At least for me - Hoseok was lost in his thoughts. I just let him stay in there.

After a while, he started speaking again. "Did you mean what you said?"
And then my face flushed red.
"I.. I..", I stuttered but couldn't bring out a word. What should I say? I was confused. No, I wasn't confused. And I also wasn't out of my depth with it. And in the end, what would be the point in lying to him? Yes, there wasn't one.

"Yes, I did."

I almost couldn't believe those words were coming out of my mouth. I couldn't even say that it was me speaking but it came with such confidence - I was so sure about being in love with him.

He opened his mouth, trying to say something. He didn't say anything. I think he just couldn't say anything. I didn't judge him, I didn't know what to say either. Okay, to be honest, I judged him a bit. Because this was getting really awkward for me. The whole situation made me feel a bit uncomfortable. And it was the first time I admitted my feelings for him. Sober.

For fuck's sake, just say something. I got under pressure, my face flushed red again, Hoseok's did too.

"I think I can't return these feelings, Yoongi. I am sorry. And maybe.. Maybe I could try, but I don't think I am ready for trying yet. I am really sorry. I want to try to love you, I want to love you, but I just.. I just can't."

I nodded. My heart broke a little hearing his words but I didn't expect anything else. I already knew this wouls happen, I already knew he would say that or at least something like that.

Then why did it hurt so much? Did I really have hope he'd like me back even though he told me he didn't want to fall in love ever again with anyone or not yet like three times? I was so stupid.

I really didn't want to do this. I really didn't want to, but.. Suddenly, I started crying. Suddenly, I felt tears running down my face. One. Two. Three. More than three.

I was sobbing and I wanted to punch myself for that. Pathetic.

I guess it was just too much for Hoseok to handle- he started crying too, he started apologizing in some kind of three second rhythm.

"I want to love you, Yoongi."

Yes, I knew that. He already said that.

"I want to be happy with you, Yoongi."

Yes, I did so too. To be honest, that was all I wanted.

"I want to remember, Yoongi."

And I wanted him to remember too.

"Can you help me remembering?"

But how?

"I didn't tell you everything I want yet. But I think there's a way I could.. remember. I want you to do something, Yoongi."

What-

"I want you to..
kiss me."

-----------------------------------
after that there's only two chapters left guys!! i think I'll post the first two chapters of my new story later but yeah

it's actually my first day of summer break and still i am waking up around 7.30PM grr

have a good day everyone!