Changing Me

Chapter twelve

We're finally back at school now after the long break. I spent the rest of my time in my room, thinking entirely way too hard about life and how Wesley fits into mine. It's almost scary how much I care about him. He's so important to me, but he has no idea. He has zero clue that he is the only guy on my mind every single day.

I tug at the end of my sweater, the nasty cold air of January nipping any bit of my skin that could be showing.

New Years was a few nights ago. I got no kiss, just shit faced on Sadie's lawn with all my friends because the thought of Wesley was consuming my thoughts. He didn't go. I should've invited him.

Now I'm looking at this hell like building waiting to walk in, trying to put it off because I know what's coming. Work and Wesley.

I pull my hair over both of my shoulders to try to capture some of the warmth and I start my way inside.

Plenty of people cluster me as I walk in, and the first face waiting for me is Anna. She waits every morning with a coffee from our schools caffe. I am so thankful for her and the caffeine. Mostly the caffeine not even gonna lie.

"Morning girlie." she says in her usual perky tone. I smile at her once before taking the coffee and letting it burn my throat, not even caring because it's freezing outside.

"So, Sadie called me to chat about Wesley coming over to your house for the Christmas party." she says to me, only sideways glancing at me. Too afraid to make eye contact.

"Why did she even open her mouth about that? It's not even a big deal." I say feeling my heart start to pick up at the very mention of his name. Wow am I pathetic.

"Anika, why do you do this? Not every guy is going to be like your last."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, suddenly feeling defensive. She stops dead in her tracks, her bright eyes staring dead into mine making me feel uneasy. She looks at me as if I've said the stupidest thing to ever escape a human beings mouth.

"Wesley has feelings for you. Everybody in the world can see that but you. They can see it by the way he talks when he's around you, the way he looks at you when you're not even looking at him. You keep denying that it's possible for a guy to care about you ever since your last boyfriend, he who shall not be named. Why is it so hard for you to believe that some guy could actually be decent and have feelings for you at the same time?"

"Because I don't get that lucky Anna." I snap at her and I instantly regret it, but it felt like a kid sitting on a balloon. Bound to pop.

"I am the girl who is loud and talks too much and I can't see any guys liking that. I know I'm brave, but maybe I'm too brave. I just don't know. I can't let myself have hope that he has feelings because what if he doesn't? What if I'm the idiot for thinking that he could possibly love me back?"

She stops. Anna actually freezes.

"What did you just say?" she asks, a small grin creeping at the corner of her lips.

"What?" I ask, completely unaware of why she's making that face right now.

"Love you back? You love him." she says and her tone of voice makes it sound like a revelation.

"No," I warn her while pointing my finger at her as she starts to make that face. That damn face where she smiles too wide and she's about to lose her shit. "Don't start anna. I didn't even mean to say that."

"But you did! Oh my gosh Anika! You love him!" she exclaims and at this point there's no calming her down so I start to run away. That is what I do best nowadays. Funny how things can completely change over time. I used to be the girl that runs towards the drama when things take a turn, now I run away from it, completely afraid of what it'll do to me.

As if right on cue, I bump into Wesley, my drink thankfully only spilling a bit on the lid.

"Oh hi." I say feeling my heart beat pick up in my chest.

"Hey." he says in a quiet voice and his face turns slightly red. Why is he like this?

"How was the rest of your break?" I ask him wanting to hear him speak at least a few words.

"Pretty good. I spent most of my time at the gym." he says as he slowly nods his head. I can tell this is making him uncomfortable and I don't know why. It's not like we haven't talked before, yet somehow he treats it like the first time every single time.

"Oh boxing? I'd still love to see you do that again." I say and I feel the pit of my stomach light on fire at the thought of him all sweaty with his veins pulsing down his arms.

Snap out of it.

"I actually have a match tonight at the same place you came to pick me up in. If you'd wanna go that'd be cool. I don't usually have people there for me."

How could I say no to that? God I just want to kiss him again. I feel that urge all the time now.
It's getting exhausting. Wanting someone you can't have.

"Yeah I'll be there. Text me the times?" I ask him and he shakes his head slightly before we part ways for class.

Once again, that boy leaves me breathless.

~

Next chapter is going to be a bigger one which is why chapter 12 is a little shorter than the ones before. Hope you're excited and continue to vote! I'll try to keep the updates coming frequently!