Changing Me

Chapter fifteen

Everything is changing. It's the weirdest feeling I think I've ever experienced with another human being. One minute he's here, and the next he suddenly needs some time. All because of what? We kissed? That alone pisses me off.

We've almost kissed before but we just pretended that it never even happened. Not to mention that I still don't know the shit I said when I was drunk at Sadie's party, and I suddenly woke up in his room.

He really thinks I believed him when he said I didn't say anything? Come on. When I'm drunk I'm an open book. I️ don't have secrets anymore.

It has been a full week. A full seven freaking days since all of this happened. Every single day I wake up feeling like his lips were on mine just a mere two seconds ago.

I'm tired and I want the boy I love. Why is that so difficult? No, why is he so difficult? Just love me back that's all I️ want. I️ seriously can't be that ba-

"Earth to Anika!" exclaims Anna as she snaps her fingers in a zig zag motion in front of my face. I'm immediately snapped out of my thoughts.

Good lord I almost forgot I was sitting down at my lunch table.

"So you ever gonna tell us what happened between you and that Wesley kid?" asks Tanner. Hesitant eyes stare at me from all areas of the table.

I did originally set out to tell the guys what happened last week. I wanted to fill them in, but somehow saying the story twice formed a lump in my throat that did not want to go away, so I️ pushed it down and pretended that I️ was okay.

"They're just not a thing anymore. She doesn't want it talk about it." says Anna never breaking her gaze away from me.

I give her a look that says thank you without words and the boys look at each other once, knowing not to bring it up again.

The table becomes terribly quiet, so me being me of course, wants to break that immediately.

"So Sadie, you're throwing another party?" I say to her, and she smiles at my effort to change the subject.

"Yeah this Saturday, another one where people are probably gonna get drunk off their asses but let's goooo." she says with a small laugh.

"Yeah I'm excited for that." I say trying my hardest to lighten the mood.

"So Jacob, you up for it?" asks Sadie, and a small laugh escapes him. He's so quiet and lovely. It's like looking at a teddy bear. You just want to pick that shit up and cuddle with it.

"Yeah, wouldn't miss it." he says, and he looks over at me. He never says much, but I️ can't tell he wants to say something now.

"For what it's worth," he says quietly, "I️ always thought you two would be a good match."

Oh shit.

Here I️ go.

I️ swear if my sappy ass cries in front of these people I'm going to jump off a cliff.

I️ swallow a large lump growing at the base of my throat. I️ want to cry so bad, but I've done enough of that. I️ have to think of the old things. I️ still have my friends, I'm still going to party, I️ am blessed. I'll be ok. It's just one boy.

One amazing boy.

~

Saturday, another school week without Wesley.

~

I️ stand in front of my mirror applying my makeup, trying my best to look hot. I️ want to attract some people tonight.

I️ need to forget about Wesley. I'm sure he's already forgotten about me.

I️ apply my mascara until it looks like I️ have perfect, full lashes. I️ have on a velvet red eyeshadow look to match my top. I️ put on some nude, matte lipstick to make myself feel different. I️ am such a chapstick girl.

I️ look at myself in the mirror, and I can't even force myself to smile.

I️ have the completed look. Mysterious red. It's cute. My hair is straightened and toppled on my head in a sexy mess. I️ look hot.

Now why don't I️ feel like it.

I️ shake it off and grab my purse, starting out the door. I'm gonna get shitfaced tonight and no one is gonna stop me.

~

This chapter was short, but the next is going to be good. Keep reading, will be posting the next chapter within the hour.

Get ready!!