Changing Me

Chapter twenty

Wesley's POV

How exactly do I respond to something like that? She just told me she loves me. She really loves me. Someone actually cares for me. Someone that I care for too.  Why didn't I say it back? Why did I let her go?

"Who was that Wes?" asks my mom as she comes to stand next to me. I'm frozen with the door wide open, and she's long gone.

I can't move.

"Wesley, honey are you okay?" she asks me and her face comes into view, concern in her eyes, and I snap out of my trance and look down to meet her eyes.

"I messed up mom." I say, and it's so quiet I don't really know if it's heard. I don't really know if I said it.

I feel my cheeks start to burn red, and I hate that about myself. My face becomes so warm, and I get scared for no reason, but this time it's incredibly valid. I just screwed something up that I have been dreaming about since December.

"Baby what are you talking about?" she asks as she shuts the door in front of me, and something wet drops on my cheek, and whatever it is, it falls again, and it falls quickly.

"Wesley oh my god, what happened? Talk to me hon come on." she says as she wipes my cheeks. I lift my fingertips and press them below the skin of my eyes. It's wet. I realize quickly that there's not a leak in the roof, or something bizarre like rain somehow making its way inside. I'm crying.

I feel her grab my arm and pull me into the living room to take a seat on the couch. She sits me down and she wraps an arm around my shoulders holding me tight, probably afraid I'll break.

When I was younger, when the anxiety was just beginning, I used to have panic attacks and I wouldn't be able to move. This feels like I'm thirteen again, and the kids are making fun of me at school, and now I'm sitting here on my couch. Almost as if I've been thrown back in time without warning. Feeling just as bad as I did over three years ago and I don't know what to do.

I shut my eyes tight and wipe them with one hand, trying to make sure I can see still. The world is blurry enough in my head, it doesn't need to be with my sight too.

"It was Anika." I say aloud, and I meet my mother's eyes and watch as her face falls. She's already known for months now that I'm in love with her. She confronted me about it after the Christmas dinner after I told off my grandfather and sent Anika home.

My mom thought it was necessary to completely ignore the fact that I had just publicly disrespected my grandfather at a family event, and chose to talk to me about Anika instead. She told me she was the one, but I already knew that. I was just afraid I wasn't the one for her.

"She told me she loved me, and I couldn't move. I couldn't move mom." I say and I feel myself release into this childish sob making me feel like even more of an idiot.

My mom doesn't say anything. She just rubs circles around my back and watches me with hurt eyes.

"She makes me feel normal, but the one time my head starts to screw with me, is the one time I need it to work. I should have told her that I love her too. I should've told her that she's the only one I want to be with. I don't know why talking is so hard for me? I can't be what she needs me to be. I can't speak." I say and I shake my head as I struggle to find a deep breath.

"Wesley stop." says my mother, and her tone is stern now, catching me off guard completely. I look up at her and she looks me dead in the eyes, giving me chills down my back.

"You are exactly what she needs you to be. You say you can't speak, but if anything I've seen you speak more since she's come into your life. You stood up to your grandfather all while she sat beside you supporting you completely. She has been in love with you longer than she has let herself know. I know because I was like that with your father. If you don't go to her Wesley, she won't be in your future, and I mean it when I say she could be the mother to your future children. She's not one you let go, and neither are you. Which is exactly why she showed up at this house to tell you how she feels. Don't make her feel like it was all for nothing. Life goes by so quick, and so many bad things happen. Tell her before it's too late."

Too late.

"How am I supposed to know if I'm already too late? What am I supposed to say to her? What the hell do I do now?"

"Get your ass up and do exactly what she did to you. Show up." She says, and all of a sudden there's no more fear for me. I don't feel the aching feeling anymore.

It's not too late. She still loves me. It's not too late to tell her I love her too. It's not too late.

I get up in a single movement and immediately make my way over to the front door, grabbing my keys from the hook and racing out to go get her.

I don't want to wait anymore for something that's already mine.

~

Hey guys!! This is just a short intro chapter to show the readers how Wesley has felt the whole time.

What he doesn't know, he will find out soon, and it will be a VERY big chapter.

STAY TUNED BC THE NEXT CHAPTER IS COMING VERY QUICKLY!!!

Please vote for this chapter and leave a comment, always the best reading them!