Changing Me

Chapter twenty six

The familiar smell of a fresh cotton candle fills my lungs as I step through the doorway of my home. My mom always has that scent burning.

Behind me is Wesley, my mom, and my dad, carrying my things. No one said a single word on the way home, and I suppose I preferred it that way. It's easier to not talk then to have the same fight over and over again.

"How does it feel to be home?" asks my mom, and I turn to face her. Her eyes are tired. She's been up for way too long.

"Good. Where's Danny?" I ask her, eager to see the little punk.

"He's staying with your grandparents. I didn't want him to worry." she says as she makes her way further into the home and straight to the kitchen.

My eyes immediately gravitate towards my father, who looks like he could have a stroke at any given moment. His eyes scan the household that was once his, and I can see a certain emotion in his eyes, but I can't quite pick out what it is.

"This place hasn't changed a bit." he says under his breath. You'd think the tone would be reminiscent or even a sense of longing, but there is nothing but pure disgust in his voice. Almost as if he views himself above all of this now.

"Just like the day you left right." I say, my eyes never dropping their stare. The day is still fresh in my memory. I never thought I'd see the day he'd walk through these doors again.

He glances over at me, and his own eyes become softer. Regretful.

"I'm sorry." he says quietly, but I just shake my head. My mind is completely unable to accept the apology. To be completely honest I don't think I ever will be ready to forgive him. I've held so much hate for this man for so long, it's almost become a sickening habit.

"You haven't even seen Danny yet." I say to him, and I turn around to go meet my mother and Wesley in the kitchen.

My mom, just like the nurturing women she is, is quick to start making food. She's sifting through the freezer to try and find a quick and ready meal, but I lay my hand on her tense shoulder.

"Let's just order a pizza." I say to her quietly, and she turns to meet my eyes and nods her head.

"That sounds like a good idea." She says sighing with defeat. What she needs is to rest. She's been battling too much these past few days with my father and then with me being in the hospital.

She goes over to the couch to take a seat, and my father goes to his old office room. The same space where me and Wesley spent our first hang out together. I smile briefly at he memory. That was a time where there was little to no worry. Now after everything has happened I'm just baffled as to how I'm still standing.

Wesley inches towards me as I lean against the island. His big hand gently places itself on my waist and slides it down to the small of my back.

My own breath becomes hitched in my throat as his slow movements wreak havoc on my inner thoughts.

"Now that you're out of the hospital.." he says quietly as his piercing blue eyes cut through the skin on my neck. My breathing becomes heavy at the simple thought of having him in a very unholy way.

His lips inch further to my own, and I can't seem to keep my eyes off of them. The subtle pink. I want it badly, but there's so many people in the house it's hard to stay focused on one specific thing.

"I want to do so many things to you." he whispers in my ear, and I find myself looking directly up to the sky. You'd think his tone would be seductive, but if anything it's incredibly loving and safe. Like the things he wants to do aren't just sexual. They're innocent and sweet. Milestones.

"Like what?" I ask him as I turn my head slightly to face him. His eyes are soft, and he smiles so gently at me. The heat of his warm breath tickles my chin as he gently presses his forehead to mine.

His hand that's placed on my back now pushes me closer to him all in one, swift movement. His other hand slowly slides itself up my back, starting extremely slow until it finally tangles itself into my hair, and he holds my head in his hand. The gesture is so sweet and subtle. My whole body loves every moment of it.

"Some are implied.. others include marrying you." he says as he places his lips on my neck. "Having kids with your eyes." he says in between kisses. My entire body tenses at the beautiful thought. "Growing old with you. Sitting in our rocking chairs enjoying the view." I can't take it anymore. He's getting something for his words.

I lift my hands and go straight for his hair. I tangle them in his scalp and yank my head back up to meet his lips. They're feverish and waiting.

I let my lips smash into his. There's no rhythm to what we're doing. It's purely hunger for the others touch and a comforting feeling in knowing we have forever.

The office door closes, and Wesley immediately drops both of his hands and pushes me back, completely isolating himself by the refrigerator.

I feel instantly empty and disappointed at the lack of touch.

I try and smooth my hair out and straighten myself up, and Wesley runs a hand through his hair trying to make it look like I didn't grab it with both hands.

His face is a bright red, and his eyes are back to their beautiful blue. He crosses his arms in an attempt to look normal.

"Not a single thing has changed here." my father says as he makes his sudden appearance in the room. "Your mother didn't even bother to redecorate?" he says with clear judgment laced in his voice. By now, I can't even hide my contempt for this man.

"She didn't really have the time raising two kids by herself all while juggling two very demanding jobs. Redecorating wasn't really in the schedule." I say to him.

His eyes shift back over to me. That same regret is in his apologetic eyes.

"Anika what do I have to do for you to forgive me?" he asks me, and all I can do is shake my head.

"Forgive you." I say bluntly. "You'd have to go back in time and reverse your actions. That's only option one of course. You could always give a true explanation as to why you left. It's all mom's fault? That doesn't even make sense. I knew you guys weren't doing well, but I never thought it would lead to you abandoning an entire family." 

"Anika, you don't know the whole story." he says to me as he shakes his head and drops my eye contact. He begins to pace just as mom enters the room.

"Then what is the whole story?!" I exclaim, desperate for anyone to just give me a real answer. I am so tired of everyone tiptoeing around it.

"Then why don't you ask your mother?!" he yells back at me, and the whole room falls silent. My father looks over at my mother who is already staring directly at him.

"I've been the bad guy for way too long."

"Don't pretend to be a saint." she says to him with hate in her voice. So so so much hate and story behind it all.

"I could say the exact same to you." he shoots back.

The front door opens all in one movement, adding to the chaos, and Danny comes running through the entryway with a smile on his face.

"Mommy! Is Anika home yet??" he asks while he runs, but it all comes to a screeching halt when he sees Dad.

My grandparents stand frozen at the entryway. No one moves, and from what it looks like, no one really knows what to say.