pairing: alexander hamilton x reader
warnings: mention of death, crying, suicide
description: this one is inspired by 13 reasons why. if you're ever feeling depressed, just remember that you're strong and brave. it takes a lot of courage to stay alive. "Dying is easy, young man. Living is harder."
WC: 785
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alexander had been crying a lot. his squad was crying a lot. his whole neighborhood was crying a lot. his wife, nina had committed suicide. nobody knew why. they looked depressed but refused to talk about it. even if they had gotten what they wanted, they wouldn't speak of their behavior.
alexander arrived in his room one night and found multiple letters on his dresser.
to alexander hamilton from nina hamilton:
alexander couldn't believe it. well, it could be the reason why they committed suicide, or a suicide note that he was too late to read. either way, he had to read it
dear alexander,
you might be wondering why i committed suicide. why i didn't tell anyone why i was depressed or that i intended to take my life. well here's your chance to find out. in this letter, i'm giving you 5 reasons why i committed suicide. and please, when you're done with these letters, pass them on to our friends so that all of you can tell my story.
#1: peer pressure
i could never fit in. i hated myself because i always had to be like others. but even if i was on the bandwagon and did everything right, nobody would notice. i wore makeup because i was the only person in my friend group that had gone through puberty so far. i followed that idea from other girls who were in the same situation as me.
#2: my sexuality
most people in our neighborhood knew that i'm asexual and bisexual. it wasn't supposed to be like that. someone from the Catholic school i attended before our school recognized me. but he knew me as 'the girl who sins behind closed doors'. i got kicked out because they found out that i was bisexual. being bisexual is a sin in my religion. (no guys, i don't believe it's a sin, but unfortunately, it is. and I'm not homophobic. i accept everybody.)
#3: my past
i always knew that someday, my memories would come running to me. and they did. and they hurt like bricks. living without a father was hard enough, but having people make fun of me for it was harder. i hated the fact that i was friends with all those people before all this happened. they ruined me. it's unforgivable.
#4: incapability
i'm incapable of bearing children. i found out when my father raped my mother and i when i was 4. she didn't get pregnant, but somehow i did. i was forced to get an abortion because i could've died if i didn't. then, when we tried to have a child, and the test came back positive, i couldn't be happier. i knew that i was ready. but then, i had to go to the hospital one day while you were at work. the doctor told me that if i don't get an abortion and keep the baby, i could die during labor. but i took the risk anyway. after all, widowers are more valuable than widows. when i went in labor, the baby died. and i just felt so selfish. i kept myself alive and killed an innocent baby in the process.
#5: heartache
one reason why i was reluctant to get married was because i was scared. i had been in a relationship before which ended terribly. when my southern democratic-republican friends told me that i deserved better, i didn't believe them at all. i don't even deserve the smallest bit of love. then i found out that you had an affair. and my heart almost stopped. i loved you the most, i trusted you the most. then you published it, for the whole world to see. whenever i went out, i would hear whispers about me. but not whispers of pity. i could've killed myself right at that moment. i had never felt so much heartache in my whole entire life.
overall, i don't regret my actions. the only thing i regret is not being able to see my loved ones. but take care of yourselves. if there is an afterlife, i can't wait to see you again.
XOXO, for the last time
nina hamilton
alexander cried. he felt that so many of his actions caused them to commit suicide. it was his fault. but he couldn't wait to see them again. it's only a matter of time.
