Her Random Thoughts (Confessions)

A Letter to the Girl He Loved Before Me

It's undeniable: you are beautiful. You are gorgeous and lovely and flawless, and it's easy to see why he was in love with you. You were able to catch his attention, which means you had to be pretty darn amazing.

You probably don't know a thing about me, or even who I am, and that's OK. I know you've moved on to a different guy, and you probably don't think about him much anymore let alone the girl who will love him next. How you were able to get him off your mind I don't know, but I know that you have, and I know he is just a distant memory to you now.

But I still envious on how you two had met. Yours was like what I have seen on movies while the day we met is no more as special as any ordinary day. There were no sparks or music in the air. It was simple, plain, like complete strangers crossing paths and knowing they would never meet again. I've always thought of it that way though something about him, at that exact moment, was really strange. We went our own ways as if nothing happened, as if we never met. But, fate has its own plan, made our paths cross again, and again. Cutting the long story short, I fell in love with him. And I would like to believe so was he. I know your story. I know your history.

But I never truly know you. I wish I'm writing this to make you bitter, to make you realize what you've lost. How I wish I could tell you how much he loves me and brag about how happy he is with me. You are his first and great love and heartbreak, and believe me, up until now; I could see what that heartbreak did to him. Of course, I could never tell you what kind of a boyfriend he is because he was yours first. He is your first love and a big part of him would always and only be yours. No. Time can never change or take that. It was a really painful realization that for most of the moments we shared is just a repetition of what the two of you had.

I hope you know what you have let go. He is not perfect, he has his own flaws. Sometimes, he could be really difficult. You'll have misunderstandings and arguments. You'll have disagreements and sometimes, you'll say really hurtful words to each other. He finds it difficult to apologize when he was so fucked up, and cringe about cheesy things sometimes. He'll hate you for wanting to watch romantic movies and drama but he'll still watch it just because you really want it. You'll hate him for his cool boy attitude and machismo. You'll hate how much time he spends on playing games to the point that you'll received one word reply from him. You'll hate how he would push you away and make you jealous. Like I said, he is not perfect. But I know you'll agree with me, he is worth it. Totally. He is real and you loved him much for that. You love how the way he looks at you and tells you how much he loves you and you feel like melting. He knows how to make your head spin with his kiss, or to make butterflies in your stomach turn when he wraps you in his arms.

And as you are reading this, you realize how much you miss him, his smell, or the feel of his hand on yours. What the two of you had was incomparable. And I could never top that. But ever since you walked away and let him go, and he partly became mine, the story of the two of you ended there. But mine is just barely beginning. And trust me with this: given the chances, I don't have plans in having an ending because unlike you, I would never choose to let him go.

At the end of the day, I want to thank you. Thank you for loving him, thank you for growing him, and thank you for finding the strength within yourself to truly let him go.

It used to be really hard to accept the fact that the man loving me had spent so much time loving someone else. I learned something not too long ago that has helped me diminish that feeling. (Perks of being a Biology major). Every single cell within our body dies and is reborn again. It's a constant process that never ends as long as our heart is beating and our lungs are breathing.

What a hopeful feeling it is to know that the man who loves me is no longer the same man that used to love you. And what a comfort it should be to know that the man who loved you for all that time will remain yours forever, and will never even have the chance to meet me.

Again, thank you. Thank heavens you chose to let him go. Because if you hadn't, I never would have had a chance.