The Path to Love: A Sonny Carisi Love Story

35: Past Loves

Nick and Sonny make their way out to stop Mr. And Mrs. Brigg's from making their way to Canada while Amanda and I go back to the precinct to take care of some of the paperwork so far. Once we get there and start working, she stops and asks "So, Nick told me about you and Sonny. How's that gonna turn out?" She asks.

"Damn it, Nick." I lower my head from my work then look back up to her "Did you tell Benson?" I ask her, not wanting to deal with that since Sonny and I just started dating.

She gives me a know it all look "come on, what kind of person would I be if I told her about you two?" She asks with a sly smirk.

I nod, knowing for a while now about her and Nick. I give her a small thankful smile in return and say "not really sure how it's gonna turn out, but I'm hopeful it'll be good."

"You know, you guys made me lose a bet to Finn." She responds "he called it that you guys would hook up at work."

"Oh my god, I am not having this conversation." I shake my head and give her an eye roll before getting back to work.

I decide to make my way to Sonny's apartment and wait up for him. He texted me what time he'd be home so I get to his door a little before he gets there. "Hey you." He smiles when he see's me "didn't think i'd see you till tomorrow." He leans into me and gives me a kiss.

He goes to reach around me to unlock his door "well, I thought we'd have some fun with your varnished eel." I raise an eyebrow and start taking off my jacket once inside. I turn back to him once it's off and read the disappointment on his face "what?" I ask, wondering if that was too much.

"I'm just not in the mood tonight Madds. Sorry." He rubs his hand across my back and kisses me on the forehead before walking further into his apartment, taking his own jacket and gloves off.

"Oh. Okay, no I get it. Long day." I say, slowly putting my jacket back on "I'll just uhh, see you at work tomorrow."

I hear him plop down onto his couch as I turn away to make my way to the door "stay, please. Have a seat?" I can hear the question in his voice. I shrug, keeping my jacket on and taking a seat next to him. He pulls me closer to him and I nestle my head into his shoulder "I just can't believe what's happened to Walter. It's such a shame and there's nothing to do to stop it."

I begin to rub my hand above his shirt in a circular motion on his chest "you really admire him, don't you?" I ask, looking up to his sad eyes.

He nods once, staring ahead of him "I just can't imagine going through something like that. He knows what's going on too, and it's killing him." He explains.

"I can't imagine either. I'm sorry." I simply respond, not sure what to say back to him.

He shrugs a bit "thanks for coming over tonight. You want a glass of wine or anything?" He asks, his stare ahead coming back to me like he just shook off whatever it was he was thinking.

I shake my head "no, I'm good." I respond, not wanting to move from our cuddling couch session.

We stay in the spot for awhile, before either of us say anything. "Hey, wanna take your mind off things?" I ask him, sitting up a bit to look at him better.

"Sure." He says back, looking at me suspiciously.

I smile and sit up Indian style on the couch "why don't we try to guess what job our most recent ex had?"

He gives me a strange look "why would we do that?"

"Because talking about ex's always ends up being a thing and if we can get it out of the way now, with a sort of fun game, all the better." I try to explain, hoping it doesn't come off as weird and crazy as it sounds.

"Well, then I would guess your ex is an agent for the BAU." He gives me a know it all glare like he's so smart.

"Well, much to your surprise, he is not my most recent ex. So, you are wrong." I smile back sticking my tongue out at him. He purses his lips together in a sexy way and I say "my turn! Hmmm. I'm going to guess your most recent ex was a school teacher." I offer.

"Nope." He responds, popping the p. "My turn." He eyes me like he's trying to read my mind before slowly responding "was your ex a...... military man?"

"Uhh, no. Was yours a nurse?" I guess, trying to think of jobs that have weird hours enough like ours.

He shakes his head and guesses another for me "a lawyer?" He asks. I nod my head and bite my lip, surprised he got it so fast. "A lawyer, interesting. And is it one I would know?" He questions next.

"Yea, sure, it was Barba." I roll my eyes and hit him in the chest. He laughs knowing it was a joke and I say "it's my turn to guess, was your ex an accountant?" I start to guess more random things.

He shakes his head "how long did you guys date?" He asks me, thinking it was a tit for tat question game.

"Hey, not yet! I have to figure out what your ex was first before getting in to all those questions!" I argue, not wanting to give him all the details without getting my own answers in return.

He chuckles "oh no, we are going question for question on this. It's not my fault you suck at guessing!"

I roll my eyes back "you are so annoying sometimes Carisi!" I use his last name to try and get under his skin. "Come on, give me a hint at least!" I pout a little.

"Answer my question first, then I'll give you a hint." He responds back.

"ughh, fine!" I throw one of his small pillows into his lap "we dated for 3 months. Now, give me a hint."

"Don't think too hard, her profession is similar to ours." He says.

I can tell he basically gave me the answer and I shout back "officer!" And he nods with a smirk. "Ahh, I should have guessed you'd have a thing for women on the job." I gesture to myself.

"Alright, why did you two break up?" He asks next.

I sigh, thinking back to the night he broke up with me "I think he thought I was too young, or just not experienced enough. I never really got a clear answer." I say, remembering the hurt it caused. He doesn't say anything, letting me come back to reality on my own terms. When I do, I change my solemn look to a smile and ask "same for you, why did you break up?"

"Because she cheated on me" He says, biting the inside of his lip enough for me to notice.

I nod my head "I'm sorry to hear that." I respond, not ever knowing the feeling of that happening.

He asks "Did you love him?"

I shake my head slowly "no, I didn't." knowing I've only ever loved once before. I ask my question next "who did she cheat on you with?"

"My best man." He responds, biting the inside of his cheek visible enough for me to see again.

This throws me way off guard and all I can say back it "wh-what?"

He nods, probably figuring something like this would throw me off "you wanted to know." He simply puts it.

I nod and say back "you, you were married?" My heart rate is already picking up, a bit freaked out by not knowing this.

"I'm not going to lie about it Maddison. It was a long time ago and it doesn't matter anymore." He tries to explain.

I stand up, glad I left my jacket on "You were married before, how does that not matter?" I start to walk to the door.

"Maddison, come back." He tries to tell me, standing at the couch but not moving towards me, his voice steady.

I shake my head and open the door "I'm sorry, I have to go right now. I'll see you tomorrow." I shut the door behind me and quickly walk from his door to the stairs, not willing to wait for the elevator in case Sonny comes after me. The cold air hits me hard and I stop at the entrance to his building. I know I'm acting childish over this, but Sonny was married before and I had no idea. I've known him for almost a year now and he never once mentioned it.