His Melanin Addiction

12

Trinity Carter

As I drove to the hospital, I felt Josiah looking towards me every few minutes. I was nervous mainly because if his Aunt was in bad shape, I wouldn't know how to comfort him. I know I came as comfort but I can already tell that I'm more of a distraction. I pulled into the hospital parking lot, and drove around for a good while. It was when I heard Josiah take a deep sigh. I slowed down and looked over at him. He was already looking at me.

"I'm ready." He spoke. His voice was a little shaky so I was going to tell him to chill out for a while, but this man opened the car door as if I was parked in a parking spot.

"Josiah, wait for me to park. Okay?" I said as I quickly pulled into a parking space. I turned the car off and looked over at him. He just stared out into space. I reached for his hand and pursed my lips together. He looked over at me.

"Trinity, I'm scared." was all he said. He wasn't even looking at me. I squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"I am not going to lie, I am too." I said. He looked over at me.

"Trinity this ain't about you man. You have never seen someone you love in a coma. People give you so much hope that they'll get out of it. They get up and are alert for a couple of days and then when you go to get her, her bed ain't there. Trinity you don't fucking know how that feels. So don't try to put yourself in my shoes, they're too big for you shawty." He went in on me. I just sat and listened to his every word. I knew what it was like to lose a family member. But I didn't know what it was like to lose a mother. So he was right. I just remained quiet, what's the point of adding fuel to a fire.

"Shit man! I'm always losing people that I love. No matter how much I try it never fails. Auntie Ann is the only piece of my mother that I have! If she leaves me I'm all by myself. With no one to love or want me." He vented. I knew that this is where I could throw my two cents in.

"Josiah that's not true." I chirped hoping he wouldn't blow up in my face. He looked over at me with bloodshot eyes. He was really hurting right now. Adding he's holding back his tears.

"Really? Trinity you don't love me nor do you want me the way I need to be loved or wanted. You just here so I won't feel alone right now. You used to love me. Your love ain't the same no more. You can go a day with out speaking to me and be fine. You can walk past me and ignore my whole existence. That's not the same love I have for you. You're here for me out of love but it isn't the love I'm talking about. I need a mother in my life and you ain't that."

As soon as he said all of those things I broke down. Why did I set myself up for this. He's right I can walk past him and ignore him. But it's not easy. I notice him and fight the old feelings away.

"Look here Josiah. I love you very much. It might not be like a mother's love, but my mom sees you as being her son. Everyday and I mean every-damn-day she asks me about you and tells me that she's praying for you. Don't you dare say that people aren't here for you, and don't you say that I am not in love with you. Cause I love you more than you know it. You have people standing beside and behind you. I for one am here for you right now and so is my family and the close friends we have back at the campus." I said. He didn't say anything. I couldn't take the silence it was giving me a headache. I left the keys in the car. I started making my way into the hospital. I swore I passed Claduia's car. I just hoped she wasn't in there. I hoped my eyes were playing tricks on me. I walked in and sat in the waiting room.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Do you need any help?" a nurse asked. I shook my head 'no' without making eye contact.

"You sure?" she said happily.