Behind Every Smile

It Wasn't Just A Dream

"Look I'm sorry!"

"Listen to me! I'm sorry! Okay? What more do you want from me babe?!" My uncle's cries could be heard from outside the guest bedroom of my home. He'd been fighting with his ex girlfriend for hours each night he stayed in my home. 

I was about ten at the time my uncle was living in my home after going through a rough breakup. Whenever the door to the guest bedroom wasn't shut, I'd always notice bottles of alcohol stashed everywhere in the room. At the time I never knew why or what it meant.

One night, I was determined to listen to one of my uncle's conversations from outside his door in pure curiosity.

"Babe, stop yelling at me and just listen!" My uncle snapped in anger, the sound of a glass roughly being set down on a surface sent my heart into an escalated beat.

"Can you just let me apologize? I really do love you!" He exclaimed, in a much more enthusiastic tone.

"You don't-Why don't you believe me?!" My uncle's voice rose yet again into an alarming growl that was enough to make me shiver in place.

"You know what? Fine! Goodnight!" I could hear the phone clap against another object, probably the nightstand, as my uncle hung up.

A long moment of silence went by before another word was said. 

"Bella? Is that you?" He asked.

Immediately I froze in panic-he must've heard me..somehow.

With hesitation, I pushed open the door to his room, seeing that my uncle was in bed, empty bottles of alcohol spread out across the bed. 

"Come here!" He demanded with the slight gesture of his stubby hand.

My feet shuffled against the carpet as I approached him, a part of me wanted to run in pure embarrassment. 

"Were you spying on me?" My uncle's dark eyes gazed right though mine, sending chills down my spine. "You were yelling.." The words barley escaped my lips, no louder than a whisper. My uncle examined me, as if he had something on his mind. "Bella, I'm going through a hard time. You wouldn't understand." I wasn't sure what to do or say, just stare at him and nod.

"Can you help me?" My uncle asked, with a more gentle tone. "How?" I didn't like where this was going one bit, but I liked to help anyone who needed me.

My uncle glared over at the door and pointed to it. "Shut the door first." 

Subconsciously I followed his instructions and shut the door, only to see his hand patting his lap.

"Come here," He told me. I could hardly see, the room was so dimly lit.

Eventually I made my way to the bed and sat down next to him, close enough to see his dark eyes gleam. "My girlfriend use to give me messages when I wasn't feeling well. Boy did they relax me so much. Do you think you can?" As my uncle explained his idea, I didn't seem to realize how strange this situation really was.

"I-I can try," I stuttered. 

"With your shirt off?" He added, cocking his head to the side. 

"I don't know about-" His sudden shout stiffened every part of my body and my thoughts froze in fear. "Do it or I'll tell your parents you were spying on me." My uncle warned with such anger it was frightening.

Without another word, I followed his questionable instructions, despite how nervous I was.

I was helping him. So I thought.

The room grew much darker before my eyes. I was flipped over beneath my uncle, his dark eyes looking right through mine-except it wasn't the face of my uncle. It was Colin's.

 "Don't..make..a sound.." He warned, putting his hand over my mouth with a small smirk.

Despite my weak squirms in attempt to break free, I couldn't move against his grip. His breath against my neck shook my body. Every part of me was shaking in pure fear, all I could hear was my own heart thrusting faster and faster, and the dull pain of Colin's teeth bite down against my neck. It took every part of me not to scream out in pain, just shakily whimper in terror.

"Bella!" A voice echoed in my mind, I couldn't make out who's it was until I woke up.

It was Abby's.

"Hey, don't cry. You're okay now. It was just a nightmare." She whispered, looking down at me with a worried look on her face. Did I wake her up? Did she hear everything I said? How long was I crying for? Of course I was too stunned to ask her any of this.Y-Y

"S-Sorry," I choked, quickly wiping the tears from my cheeks, ignoring the the violent trembles of my hands.

"Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault." She insisted, shaking her head with a small grin.

I didn't expect her to understand what goes on inside my head, and the reasoning behind it, but for some reason I struggled to tell her how afraid I was. I didn't tell her that my nightmare was just two memories of the past mixed together. I didn't tell her how terrified I was to sleep. 

You could say I was pretty shy about telling anyone anything; but I knew I had to at some point.

"Y-You don't..u-understand." Stutters started taking control of my words, and emotions of utter heartbreak tore my mind apart within seconds.

I watched Abby's head tilt to the side with a confused narrow of her eyes, probably curious of what was really going on inside my head. "What do you mean?" She asked, wiping the loose, blonde strands of hair from my face.

"I-It wasn't..just..a nightmare." I told her, using every bit of my strength to keep myself from breaking out into sobs. "It was real."

A long moment of silence stood between us, my fear of being criticized or questioned growing within me. 

"Well it's over now. Nobody's going to hurt you. You're safe. Okay?" I could tell Abby was struggling to find the right words but nonetheless, what she did say I found reassuring.

"Okay," I breathed, finding myself glaring at the ceiling and drifting into a trance. Bits and pieces of my dream were flashing before my eyes-I couldn't stop thinking about the parts that stood out the most. The ones that terrified me, you could say.

"Your uh-friend, he came by to check on you, but I told him you were asleep. So he left." Abby explained, letting out a  sigh in relief that I was somewhat calm.

I'd nearly forgotten where I was. I remembered that I was on vacation near the coast, and many of my parent's friends came along with us, and I decided to invite Abby along with us.

Immediately I sat up, clenching the side of my head, "M-Mason, was here?" 

"He seemed pretty shocked that I said you were asleep." She chuckled, her eyes fixated on the door.

My face buried itself into my palms in sheer embarrassment, I could hear Abby scoot to my side and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, it's alright." Abby insisted, clearly seeing that I was beyond uncomfortable.

I couldn't keep hiding the truth like this. Deep down I knew I had to break down the walls telling me to keep my past to myself. I knew those who strive to become friends with me must know who I really am and how truly afraid I was-if they can't accept me for who I really am, then I can't trust them. Besides, what left did I have to lose?