I often keep finding myself drifting. I can't help it. Drifting away from reality, thinking it's still us. Dreaming about what we'd be doing right now if it was real. Would we be out having one of those spontaneous late night adventures? Would we be hanging out at one of our houses laid up together? I can't help all these thoughts rushing into my head. It's starting to really get to me. When I'm finally happy, you come along with your bull shit. I was fine for months then, it's like a bomb went off of feelings. Always. No matter how long I go not thinking about you, no matter how many times I say I'm done. I never really am, am I? It's like you know what you're doing. You know what you're saying is coming back to me. You know that it makes me like this. You get me while I'm the most vulnerable. Like it's some sick game for you. You say "I still love her though", but you steady posting about these other girls. Posing in their photos, what? Really? Why keep me hooked on you? Is this fun for you, to tear me down so far I can't even go 5 seconds without the thought of you. Your eyes, lips, that fucking smile. That was home. And you turned it upside down. I don't live there anymore. But it's like you're leaving the key to the old locks. Give me that little bit of hope but when I try to unlock it again, the key won't even turn. Fuck man, how can you do this and be okay with yourself? I'd love to know really, go ahead tell me how you think this is okay. Because it's not. Don't text me and ask to hang out. Don't tell me you miss me. Because you know what you're doing. You know you want nothing to do with me. So why make me think you do? I'm done with your shit. You're the reason I'm up untill 6am every damn night. You're the reason I don't wanna fall asleep because I know I'll dream of us, of the old you. You're the reason I write so much now. Because I can't tell you these things. And you know it. You, you're the reason for my sadness. You're my reason,
My reason for giving up.
