Reckless Behaviour (Exo Kai)

Girl Talk

Chapter 06 – Girl Talk

Jina

The next morning I was woken up with a call from a frantic Rian. She was worried and with good reason. Suho had revealed that I accepted. To be honest I was surprised that she wasn't at my doorstep already. However, she was adamant that I meet up with her and 'talk'.

At first I didn't want to but considering Rian went through pretty much the same I decided it wouldn't be too bad. After all, if there was anyone who could relate to each other right now, it was the two of us.

Rian had burst into apologies and tears as soon as she saw me. As if any of this was her fault. She may be involved but none of this was her fault nor did I hold her responsible.

It had taken me a good hour to calm her down and reassure that this wasn't her fault and that I was truly all right, if not still a little disarrayed over the whirlwind of last nights events.

"Can I ask you something personal?" I asked, thinking whether this would be too personal but I was still pondering on how much I enjoyed what happened last night. Considering the circumstances, no one should be able to have pleasure with such an act but I had. I would never admit it out loud but deep down I felt some self-loathing for my own behaviour. Did it make me sick? It was a question that had been troubling me ever since.

"Of course" Rian replied with no hesitance whatsoever, the girl trusted people too fast too much.

"Your first time with Sehun, what did you feel? ... I mean like did you like it?" I saw her surprise in the way her eye's widened at my question. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to." I was quick to back track.

"No no ... that's not it, it just caught me off guard." There was a pause of silence before she answered. "Not the first time but I definitely felt the pull, you know, I know that what I did that first evening, I would never have been able to do it and live with myself if it was someone else ..... It's complicated though."

Her answer only managed to make me grimace in my head. How could I have felt so good last night, I did it out of desperation but it felt so good. Was something wrong with me? Is my brain so twisted that I enjoyed it? Even worse he had asked. I had said 'yes' and meant it as well.

I was no innocent maiden that believed there was no pleasure in sex, but it was the circumstances that made it hard for me to comprehend. At the same time I knew I should be glad, it was one less horror for me to carry around, knowing last night could have easily turned out to be a nightmare. In that way, I guess I had Kai to be grateful to because if nothing else, he had been determined to chase after my pleasure before his own. No one could ever accuse him of being a selfish lover. Even now my body heated up at the memory.

"What about you?" Rian broke into my less than noble thoughts.

"That's the problem," I said with a visible grimace this time. "I liked it, so much so that .." I shook my head at a loss. "I mean he asked me before it happened and I said yes, because I actually wanted it .. Not out of obligation but you know like ... really wanted it." I stuttered out looking at Rian's reaction, fearing for her judgment, which only emphasized how much I have come to value my relationship with her.

Relationships can be harsh, I had learned that the hard way. One by one I had lost my friends to judgments, disgust and fear of being associated with me because of the path I was forced into. Over time I had become immune, until Rian it seems. Oh I've had 'friends' since my life changed drastically and still do but they were nothing but superficial, if not beneficial or just plain fake. But never a genuine friendship like with Rian. She had kind of shown me what I had been missing ever since and now that I have had a taste I didn't want to loose it. Even then though, I knew it was just a matter of time, what with Rian being with a public figure like Sehun, she couldn't afford to ever be associated with me but it was still not yet an issue.