Break Me (Larry Stylinson)✔️

4

2016

The room is colder than I ever imagined it to be, I look straight in to the wall and think about all the pain I'm trying to forget. How can one person put another human being through so much pain and not even seem like he cares.

I think back at all the pain, how could I allow him to hurt me this much.

All the pictures are still up on my walls and I can't get myself to take them down, I know that I need to move on but truth is can you really move on when you loved someone so much that you would let them kill you?

I was so in love that I could have gotten myself killed so many times because of a boy, a boy who doesn't feel.

I knew he would hurt me, I knew he could never love me... but still I wanted him and everything with him. I actually thought like the stupid idiot I am that he could change for me, just like in the books, like in the movies...

Stupid.

I take another sip from the bottle in my hand, I can't believe that I have turned to drinking. The Vodka is burning in my throat but it's nothing compared to the burning feeling in my heart. I did this to myself, I told myself I wouldn't care if I got to be only one of his toys....

I wanted more from someone that couldn't give me that. He couldn't give me anything more than pain and I knew that from the beginning.

2014

"Come on love take a sip it won't kill you" The way he says it makes me feel all those butterflies in my stomach. I take the bottle from his hand and take the tiniest sip you can imagine. There is such a burning feeling to it and I really hate it.

"I don't like that" I say and hand back the bottle to him which he gladly takes. He takes a lot more than I did and don't even seem like it's bothering him at all.

He pulls me closer and kisses me, the alcohol is still lingering on his lips and I can't help but think that he is the sexiest person alive.

"Hey wanna come back to my place?" He asks me and I look surprised because honestly there is nothing else I would rather want. I have never been to his place earlier.

"Yes"

It's the only thing I need to say and we're already halfway to his car. I know he shouldn't be driving because he have been drinking, but I'm not thinking clearly and obviously he knows best that he can handle drinking and driving.

Some how we make it out on the highway and we're speeding way over the speedlimit but my judgment is clouded with Louis.

The music is playing from the stereo and I know it's some crap that Louis really hates but he knows I like so he plays it. He is the sweetest when we're alone, he always thinks about me before him.

I look at him while he puts a cigarett inbetween his lips and roll down the window. He light it on fire and the glowing stick is slowly disappearing.

2016

"Harry?" I look at my mother in the door and I know she's worried, she has been ever since I stopped being me. She sees the flask but she doesn't do anything because last time she tried I threw it on her.

"Yeah?" I ask in a tired voice, it's like I'm to tired to care what happens to me. I could die right now and I know that he wouldn't care... so why would I?

"I made food if you want some." The tone in his voice is filled with worry, I just shake my head. I'm trying so hard to move on and I did so good until he talked to me today... the words he said to me.

"You knew from the start that it was just a game Harry, I don't feel."

I did know... But that doesn't mean hearing it after won't hurt. I was just another stupid person falling for his stupid smile and stupid bad boy act.

The door closes after my mom and I'm left alone again. I'm feeling trapped in my own home.

I look at the wall again with all the pictures, pictures of my life and what it used to be... pictures of my old friends... pictures of Louis...

Everything looks the same just because I can't bring myself to changing it. I used to be happy and then I let him ruin it.

I take the last of what's left in the bottle and then just lay down on the bed hoping to fall asleep without having the pain haunt me too much.

I knew I would wake up hangover but I didn't expect it to be this bad, I have never in my life felt this bad before.

Getting up from the bed and getting dressed is so hard and I hate the thought of having to walk to school but I don't have a boyfriend or friends to pick me up anymore. I am not going to take the bus because it's only people who ask about Louis there.

It's been years since he left me to die but people still ask about us. I know I shouldn't over think it but it's so weird how he kept me for so long, he usually get's bored after one month but he kept me around for 6 months until he left me to burn...

Maybe I was the only stupid enough not to question why he would put me in danger for my life.

He plays with death like he's a baby and it's his teddy bear, it's like death is his best friend.

He's a killer who doesn't even need to do the killing because he just walks around and slowly killing people from the inside until they're just an empty shell walking around like zombies waiting to die.

He never put anyone in the ground but he still murder more people than any other killer.

He's a killer...

but I still love him after all...

It's been years.

And I still love him.