Break Me (Larry Stylinson)✔️

7

2016

Dear Harry

This is one of the hardest things I'll ever have to say to you and I'm sorry I didn't say it to your face.

I have been writing this over and over again but I don't know how to because I know this will break you...

Well here it goes, he loves you.

I know how much you want to think that he doesn't because of all the things he ever done to you, but truth is no matter how much he tries to convince himself he doesn't he do.

That night when they set the house on fire he came to me in tears because he knew he lost you right there. It's always been you Harry.

Remember in kindergarten when you shared your orange with Louis? That time that he didn't have money to buy lunch? Ever since then.

I know this will make you feel confused but it's not the thing that will break you... this is.

He loves you... but he don't want to be with you.

Perrie.

I read the words over and over and try to make sense of them inside of my tired mind. My mind that is trying to process the truth... he loves me... it gives me all the feelings back that I once had... but she was right it would break me...

No it's doesn't break me... it's completely destroys me, shatters me in to a million pieces impossible to put back together again.

Looking straight in to the wall feeling anger and pain boiling inside of me. I don't know what comes over me I just stand up and drags down every single picture on my wall and put them in the trash.

I want to scream but nothing comes out when I open my mouth. I feel like my feelings are being trapped inside of me and there is absolutely no way for me to get them out.

I don't want to feel anything anymore because feelings is what got me in to this mess in the beginning... I hate that you can't just shut off your feelings, or you might be able to but then if you're like me you'll have to kill yourself.

I stop what I'm doing and just look on the now empty wall, the only thing that's left is small holes from where the pictures use to sit.

The wall is no longer in perfect condition, damaged... just like me. The only different the wall can get fixed while I'll forever be damaged.

Damaged from all the things he did to me, the horrible stuff I can recover from but what made me damaged for life is the sweet things. The things made out of pure love... pure... such a weird word to use describing anything that has to do with him.

Pure... no that's not who he is and nothing with him should be described as pure... but still here I am and the only word I can use to describe his actions is pure.

2014

All I can focus on is his heartbeat, the way the soft beating is making such a calming sound.

I'm laying with my head resting on his naked tattooed chest, his eyes are closed and he looks so relaxed like he doesn't have a bother in the world.

"You sleeping?" I ask him and I get a hmm sound in return that is supposed to shut me up. I can't really handle the calming effect he has on me, he makes me feel safe.

We just lay there on his bed, just letting time pass us by like we have all the time in the world.

I know time is a precious thing and that you shouldn't waste the time you get to spend, but some how even if we just lay doing nothing it doesn't feel like we're wasting the time.

We're saving it by having such a precious moment, a moment that will turn in to a memory... and now it won't seem like this moment will be a important memory but I just know that this moment of pure love will be remembered.

We don't really have moments like this, we don't spend time just doing nothing... but those times we do it feels like the most important thing in the world.

Nothing can ruin it, like we're in a bubble were it's only him and me and no one can break in to it.

2016

I walk like a zombie though the hallway, my red hoodie is being used as a cover, like a shelled against he outside world. The hood is up telling people around me that I want to be left alone.

Not that it usually works that way but I hope someone will get the memo.

I feel like people can see on me that I read the letter even if most of the people didn't even know that letter even existed and they don't even know what's written in it... only Perrie do... Louis know what's it's about but he doesn't know how it's worded, how much her words would be like arrows in my chest.

"Harry." Perrie... haven't she done enough damaged already? I was fine until that letter .... lies....

"Leave me." Please don't leave me please hold me and tell me that the letter isn't true that he wants to be with me... that he changed and actually is capable of showing that love that she say he has.

But she does... but not before I see her face... there is a hint of blue under her make up and I hear that horrible sound from yesterday repeating in my ears... I can't handle it and all I want is to forget. Start over.

I wish Louis never entered my life... I wish I never fell in love with him... I wish I wasn't stupid enough and actually thought I would be the one who changed him...

But I can't change what has happened... and I'm not strong enough to change with will happen.

I can't rewrite my story because it's already written and I don't have a way to erase what someone else already wrote.