The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 11

The stench was the first thing that struck Fabian as they neared the ogre's cave. It smelled like a mixture of rotten meat and stale body odor. Then he started noticing the bones scattered around everywhere. 

 "It kind of seems like this ogre is a pretty dangerous guy," he commented casually as they parked themselves behind a large tree that would hopefully conceal them from the ogre's sight.

"Oh, yes, indeed he most certainly is," the wood elf said. "He kills anyone who even looks at him funny and sucks every last little bit of meat off of their bones. He has never been defeated in battle and has handily killed and eaten the last forty-nine heroes I have recruited to defeat him. If he kills you, it'll make an even fifty."

"Wait a minute, you didn't say there had been others before me," Fabian sputtered. "And he killed all of them?"

"And ate them," the wood elf said with a smile.

"Why doesn't he eat your parents?" Fabian asked.

"Because everyone knows wood elves cause terrible indigestion. What kind of idiot would suggest that an ogre eat a wood elf? Only a complete moron would think that was possible. Uh, no offense, mister."

"Yeah, whatever, kid. Look, we need to come up with some sort of gameplan here. Why don't you distract the ogre and I'll sneak up behind him and slit his throat."

"But are you not a great warrior?" the wood elf blinked. "Why do you not face him head on and defeat him with your mighty battle prowess?"

"It's true that I'm a great warrior, but it's not all about going toe to toe with your enemies," Fabian said. "Strategy is a key component here. Never forget discretion is the better part of valor. So I'm thinking you go dance around in front of his cave and get his attention." He figured if the ogre killed the young wood elf, the spell it had cast would be broken and Fabian would be free to leave the forest. On the other hand a magic-resistant talisman sounded mighty valuable. It would be a shame to leave it behind. Perhaps he would attempt to kill the ogre. Either way, his plan relied on the wood elf's assistance.

"Well, okay. If you really think this is going to work," the wood elf said as it stepped out from behind the tree and headed toward the entrance to the cave. It began to prance around and wave its arms around as it called out for the ogre. Eventually it got results, as a large lumbering mound of ugly beast dressed only in a loincloth emerged from the cave. It wielded a club that had been crafted without much craft or subtlety from a thorn tree branch.

"Who is it that dares bother Thalgrimm?" the ogre asked in a deep rumbling growl. Apparently his name was Thalgrimm.

"You have my parents, you big meanie," the wood elf shouted. "I demand you release them immediately!"

"Thalgrimm finds wood elves amusing. Thalgrimm make them dance for his entertainment after meals. Thalgrimm no release little elves. Perhaps Thalgrimm add you to his wood elf collection."

Fabian let out a small involuntary whistle. This was certainly a big, mean, and dangerous ogre. He briefly reconsidered abandoning the wood elf to its fate, but then he caught a glimpse of the talisman hanging around the ogre's neck and made up his mind to "help" after all.

He tiptoed his way behind the distracted ogre. It stood a few feet taller than him. Sensing he had no other choice, he leaped onto the monster's back and reached around with his dagger and attempted to slit the beast's throat. Unfortunately he found it was more or less like trying to cut through a large boulder with a butter knife. This thing had some seriously thick skin.

"What is this little insect on Thalgrimm's back?" the ogre asked. "Thalgrimm smash little bug." The ogre attempted to reach behind his back and grab Fabian, but Fabian situated himself into that spot he could never seem to reach when it itched on his own back.

"Thalgrimm curses little bug!" the ogre shouted as it tried in vain to get to the unwanted little human that had attached itself to his back.

Fabian decided to switch tactics, since he didn't seem to be able to pierce the ogre's skin with his dagger. Instead he started slicing at the talisman's chain. It took a little bit of work, but he was able to cut through it and pulled the talisman from around the ogre's neck and quickly stashed it in his pocket.

"I've got the talisman off!" Fabian shouted to the wood elf. "Blast him with your magic!"

"I only know how to cast binding spells and how to open up holes in boulders. I don't know any offensive spells," the wood elf said.

"Seriously?" Fabian asked. "Are you completely worthless? Well, in that case I suggest you run into the cave and free your parents while I've got this guy somewhat distracted."

The ogre decided to change tactics as well, as he came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to be able to pull Fabian off his back with his arms. Instead, he decided to run backwards towards the nearest solid rock wall of his cave. Fabian managed to leap clear at the last second as the ogre slammed into it.

"There!" the ogre shouted. "Hopefully Thalgrimm smashed little bug into liquidy smear." He turned around to inspect the wall. "What? No splatter? Where did little bug go?"

Fabian had decided not to stick around to let the ogre find him. Instead he took off running through the forest. After several minutes he spotted the edge of it, but when he attempted to run out of it he came to a sudden and painful stop as he smacked into something decidedly solid. He picked himself up and reached forwards delicately. There was some sort of invisible barrier preventing him from leaving. "You've got to be kidding me," he grumbled to himself. "Wait, what if I put on the talisman?" He tied it around his neck, but he still didn't seem to be able to pass through. Letting out a loud sigh, he turned around and went back in search of the wood elf.

He managed to find it near the boulder they had originally hidden in. It seemed to be enjoying a long overdue family reunion with its parents, who it had apparently successfully freed from the cave.

"Hey, what's the big idea, kid?" Fabian shouted. "You've got your parents back. Why can't I leave this forest?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but the conditions were clearly stated that you may not leave the forest until the ogre is dead. He still lives, so I'm afraid you're stuck here. There's nothing I can do to change that once the spell has been cast. Even the talisman cannot counteract a spell that has already been cast."

"You really are useless, aren't you?" Fabian muttered. "What about you, mom and pops? Have you got any cool magical skills? Can you zap that thing dead?"

"No, we are peaceful creatures of the forest," the wood elf's mother said. "We can perform conjuring spells, but that's about all."

"Unbelievable," Fabian said as he smacked his face with his hand. "The whole family's useless. So you're telling me I've got to stick around this place until that ogre drops dead from old age in a few hundred years? That's not really going to work for me."

"You could always slay the ogre as we originally discussed," the young wood elf spoke up. "After all, as you mentioned several times, you are a great warrior."

"Yeah, yeah," Fabian said dismissively. "Let me think for a minute here." He looked around until his eyes fell upon a large patch of mushrooms with red and white spots on them. "Hey, did you guys say you had some kind of conjuring magic? Do you think you would be able to conjure up a big piece of hot mutton?"

"That would be within our capabilities," the wood elf's father said. "Are you hungry? We would be happy to fix you a nice healthy salad. Mutton isn't good for you. It clogs the arteries and eventually leads to heart attacks and colon cancer."

"I don't recall asking for a medical lecture," Fabian said. "Can you conjure the mutton or not?"

The wood elves looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. They closed their eyes and began to utter an incantation. A moment later a plate of succulent fresh mutton appeared out of thin air.

Fabian tore off a nice sized piece and shoved it in his mouth. "Delicious. Now help me pick as many of these mushrooms as you can. We're going to give that ogre a last meal."