The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 66

"I don't see any entrances to this thing," Brandon said after they had walked all the way around the base of the tower. "Shouldn't there be a door somewhere? How does he get in and out of this thing?"

"Well, he does have magic," Fabian said with a shrug. "He probably casts some sort of spell that lets him in. Stupid wizards."

"You think there's some sort of magically hidden door that we just can't see?" Brandon asked.

"Either that or he just levitates himself up to that window up there," Fabian said. "It looks plenty big enough to fit through."

"You've got acrobatic skills," Brandon said. "I've seen them in action. You could climb up there."

"I could do that," Fabian agreed. "Easily, as a matter of fact. The problem is the wizard keeps leaning out the window and hurling fireballs at us. I'd be a sitting duck clinging to the side of the tower. There's nowhere to go to dodge, except to let go in which case I'd splatter on the ground, and between you and me, I'd rather not do that."

"Well, maybe we could distract him somehow," Brandon said.

"That's a great idea. Why don't you stand over there and start yelling insults at him. Hopefully he'll be too distracted by you to even notice I'm climbing up the tower underneath him."

"Okay. Uh, but what do I do when he starts throwing fireballs at me?"

"Get out of the way, of course. Didn't you ever play dodge the rock with your friends?"

"No, sir. Can't say I ever have."

"Jeez, Scrote. Did you even have any friends?"

"Well, there's my best friend Taran. He was more into building models than engaging in physical activity. He's probably wondering what happened to me too, just like my family. I sure do miss all of them."

"Yeah? Well if you ever want to see them again you'd better get real good at avoiding fireballs because there's about to be a bunch of them heading your way. And you don't want to get hit by one. You saw what happened to that dickwad Arrick. I mean, that was totally hilarious when it happened to him, but I sure wouldn't want that to happen to me. And as much as I find you an annoying little snot, I wouldn't want it to happen to you either. I hate to admit it, but you've grown on me a teeny tiny little bit. Now go get that wizard to try to kill you."

"Um, okay, sir. I don't really know what to say though."

Fabian sighed loudly. "Haven't you been paying attention to anything I've been trying to teach you this whole time? Remember all those sick burns I was laying on you and Mikey? You think I was doing that for fun? No, I was trying to impart wisdom on you. Now, you see that stupid wizard up there? He wants to kill you. Do you want him to kill you?"

"No, sir."

"I should hope not. But he's going to try his best to burn you into a pile of ashes. How does that make you feel?"

"Uh, kind of angry, sir."

"Good! Anger is your friend. You can use that. Now go stand over there and call that wizard's mother a whore."

"You got it, sir." Brandon walked a short distance away so that he could clearly see the window high up in the tower. "Excuse me?" he called out. "Mr. Delroy, sir?"

Nothing happened.

Brandon shrugged and looked at Fabian. "His name's Delroy, right?"

"Who cares what his name is?" Fabian said. "Just say what I told you. You know, about his mother being a whore."