The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 39

They had been walking for a few hours when they heard the sound of a horse trotting up the trail behind them. "Ho there!" a voice called out. "Might you have some rations to spare a fellow traveler?"

"Take a hike, buddy," Fabian said. "We're low on grub as it is and we're sure as hell not going to share with some stranger."

"Then allow me to introduce myself," the man said as he nimbly descended from his horse, which was a gorgeous golden stallion. The man himself was tall and had extremely fine features. His hair was so blond it was almost white and Fabian couldn't help but thinking this dude would have made a pretty hot chick. "My name is Sir Mikael the Paladin."

"Oh no," Fabian groaned. "Paladins are insufferable."

"I did not wish to take your last rations from you. I ran out myself last night and I thought, perhaps, if you had an abundance you might find it in your hearts to share. But fear not! As that is not the case, I will resolve the situation in another fashion. I am an excellent hunter and I shall bring down some game and I shall share the fruits of my bounty with you."

"Well, if you want to give us a free meal, I suppose that would be okay," Fabian said.

"Wait here. I shall return shortly. As I said I am an excellent hunter!" He leaped back onto his horse and took off into the nearby woods.

"And a giant douche," Fabian said once Sir Mikael was out of hearing range. "You see that, Scrote? That's exactly what you don't want to become. Paladins are such goody-two-shoes. And then they like to go around rubbing that in everyone's faces. They don't lie, cheat, or steal, and they like to give to charity. Ugh. Don't get me started. Plus, I bet you that guy's never gotten laid in his life. Speaking of which, we've definitely got to get you to a brothel as soon as we can. We don't want any future paladins on our hands here. Still, if that guy wants to get food for us he could be useful. Well, we might as well take a seat and wait for him to bring us some grub."

Fabian plopped down by the side of the road and rested against a tree, hands interlinked behind his head and elbows off to the side.

"Perhaps we should hurry," Druvidia said. "There's no telling what that wizard might do to that cat while it's in his possession."

"Nobody asked you, tree lady," Fabian said. "Besides, you said it's going to take four days to get there. Taking a little break for an hour or so isn't going to make a difference and it's not like we're going to make it anyway if we don't have anything to eat."

"I have to admit I'm getting pretty hungry," Brandon said as he rubbed his tummy.

"My apologies, young Brandon," Druvidia said. "I forget that you corporeal beings need sustenance to survive. Of course we can spare a pause for nourishment." She turned to Fabian. "As for you, loser, you can suck it."

"Blow it out your non-corporeal ass, lady. I think I might take the opportunity to catch a few z's. Wake me when that paladin dork comes back with my dinner." He rolled over onto his side and began snoring loudly within a minute.

"Well this would be the perfect opportunity to ditch this clown," Druvidia said. "What do you say, young Brandon? You want to leave him here and strike off on our own?"

"I couldn't abandon Master Fabian," Brandon said. "He's been good to me. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to need his experience and guidance if I'm going to have any hope of succeeding in this quest. I mean, I've learned I'm a terrible leader. They made me a pirate captain and I lost my entire crew. And we weren't even in the water! No, I'm much better off having someone else giving the orders. And besides, I really am hungry."