The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 28

Blood and pieces of flesh and bone splattered across the room. Fabian recovered quickly from the confusion and scooped up the head of the pirate captain. He swung it by the hair and clocked Skrimm across the face with it, knocking him to the ground. He kicked the man with the braided beard in the balls and recovered his dagger when it was dropped in shock. He stabbed the third man in the stomach and then lunged for Skrimm's iron bar, which lay nearby on the ground. He smashed Skrimm's face in with it over and over again until he was sure the big man was dead. Then he slit the throat of the man with the braided beard.

He sat on the ground panting and waited to recover his breath. He had no idea what the substance was that Kasey had smoked but it had most certainly saved his skin. Too bad there wasn't any more of it left. He pulled himself back to his feet and then searched the bodies. He recovered his gold along with a few extra shillings. He wiped his dagger off on Skrimm's trousers and managed to put the pirate captain's head back into the sack where it belonged. Unfortunately his pipe didn't seem to have survived the explosion. Nor had any of his collection of drugs.

"Oh well, easy come easy go," he shrugged. He opened the door and stepped out into an alleyway. He followed it out to the street where he found himself in a plaza directly across from the adventurer's guild. "Well, that's certainly convenient."

"That was some mess you made in there," Druvidia said as she suddenly materialized.

"Shut up. I didn't see you lending a hand. Now go away. I'm going to go claim my reward." He walked right through the ghost of the dryad and she disappeared into mist.

He pushed the door open and entered with what he hoped was a flourish, tapping his feet and waving his arms. He assumed this would be impressive to any adventurers who might be hanging out in there and they would instantly respect him and possibly even be in awe of him.

There were only two young kids with peach fuzz mustaches inside hitting each other with wooden sticks. They didn't even glance at the door as he entered. They seemed entirely absorbed in whacking each other with the sticks.

Briawny the guildmaster emerged from a background. "Oy! You be looking for a match?"

"Most certainly not," Fabian said.

"Then who the bloody hell are you and why are you here?" she asked.

"It's me, the great hero and adventurer Fabian. Don't you remember?"

"Never seen you before in my life. And I'd remember a mug as ugly as yours. Never heard of any Fabian either."

"You've got to be kidding me. I was literally here yesterday. You seriously don't remember me?"

"Nope, can't say as I do."

"I'm the guy chasing after that rich countess's cat. Remember?"

"I remember the countess putting up the reward, but I can't recall you at all. Did you find the cat?"

"Not yet, but rest assured I will be returning with that overly pampered hairball in short order. In the meantime, I've got something much better." He emptied the sack and the pirate king's head fell on the ground with a loud splat.

"What the hell, dude?" Briawny shouted. "That's nasty. Get that thing off my floor. What is it anyway?"

"That, my average looking lady friend, is the head of the dread pirate king Patrice. Now hand over my reward."

Briawny squatted down and studied the head for a moment. "Aye, I wager that be Patrice all right. How did you come to best him? I'm sure there's a tale in there fit to be entered into the adventurer's log."

"There is indeed. I walked right into his filthy encampment all alone and slapped him in the face with a glove and challenged him to a duel. He agreed, but being the treacherous coward that he is, he didn't face me one on one. No, I had to single-handedly battle him and his entire crew of murderous pirates. The battle was long and hard fought. I killed all of the pirates one after another until only the king of all pirates remained. Indeed, Patrice was probably the most skilled fighter I've ever encountered. But I was even better. I knocked his cutlass out of his hand and I could have easily killed him then and there, but I'm an honorable man. I threw my weapon aside and fought him with my bare hands. We battled for hours, two titans going at it relentlessly. I had him pinned to the ground, but he managed to pull out a spare dagger he had hidden in his boot and attempted to stab me in the back with it. I stopped his wrist mere inches away from piercing my skin and wrested the dagger from his grip. It was dull from disuse, but nonetheless I took it and sawed through his neck until his head detached from his shoulders. I almost dropped from exhaustion, but I knew the townspeople would be eternally grateful to me for ending the threat to them posed by this horrible monster and I mustn't make them wait a second longer to hear the news. So I began the long arduous trek back to town, for we were deep in the forest when this battle occurred. Much deeper than most warriors would dare to tread, but I know not the meaning of fear. I had to slay a few ogres and trolls before I made it back to town, but it's all in a day's work for the mighty hero known as Fabian. Now make with the reward, lady."

"That is some story, and indeed you shall have your reward," Briawny said. "But first. It has long been my dream to test my skills against a hero of your caliber. Please do me the honor at having a match with the wooden swords."

"What is your obsession with fighting me with wooden swords?" Fabian asked. "I'm a busy man, I can't be wasting time with peons such as you. Give me my money and then I'll be on my way."

"What's the matter, mister?" one of the kids with the peach fuzz mustache asked. "You scared?"

"Oh, so now you bother to take an interest in your betters?" Fabian asked. "Get back to hitting each other with your sticks. This is no concern of yours."

"If you're such a great warrior, we want to see you fight," the other kid said. "Maybe we can pick up a few pointers. Unless you're scared of sparring with a girl."

"Damn it, I'm not afraid of anything," Fabian said. "Bring out the wooden swords."

"Oh, excellent!" Briawny clapped her hands and ran into the back to retrieve the weapons.

"Would you look at the time?" Fabian said as he moved towards the exit. "I really have to get going. Give my regrets to the guildmaster lady. Tell her I'll hit her up next time."

One of the kids whacked Fabian in the leg with his stick.

"Ow! What's the big idea? That hurt."

"Briawny is the best fighter we've ever seen," the kid said. "We want to see how she fares against a great fighter such as yourself."

"Well you see that's the thing. I'm not really a fighter per se. I'm more skilled in the arts of thievery. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've got some bad-ass fighting skills, but I'm more interested in finesse, if you get my drift. You know, just like how you might know a few magic spells, but that doesn't necessarily make you a wizard."

"You said you battled a whole pirate crew by yourself," the kid said. "That makes you a fighter."

"Look, I'm not going to argue semantics with you. Why don't you finish going through puberty and maybe we'll talk. In the meantime, I've really got business to attend to."

"All right, I'm back," Briawny said as she threw a wooden sword to Fabian. "Are you ready to rumble?"

Fabian wasn't, but his stomach sure was as it let out an audible growl.

"Well, this should be interesting," he muttered as he grasped the sword in his sweaty hand and took a fighting stance.