The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 62

Fabian braced himself for the lethal blow, but Brandon ran up and tackled Arrick to the ground before it could fall.

"Whoever you are you're going to regret laying hands on the mighty Arrick!"

"Yeah? Well whoever you are you're going to regret threatening my friend, Master Fabian," Brandon said as he punched Arrick in the face, bloodying his nose in the process.

"Good job, Scrote!" Fabian shouted. "That guy's a total chode. Give him a couple black eyes for me while you're at it!"

Suddenly Fabian felt a large muscular arm come around his neck and start squeezing. "Looks like you forgot about old Rupert, didn't you Fabian?"

"Yes, it appears I did," Fabian croaked out as his vision started to turn black. Just before he completely lost consciousness he felt the grip get released. He turned around to see Sir Mikael holding his sword against Rupert's throat. Brandon still had Arrick on the ground and was continuing to punch his face.

"Release them and perhaps you might live to see another sunset!" Jaana stepped around from behind the tree with an arrow nocked in her longbow.

"Drop the bow and perhaps you might live to take another breath," Briawny said as she stepped up behind Jaana and held her sword against her neck.

"Looks like we've got the drop on you punks now," Fabian said with a smile.

Arrick started laughing heartily and let out a loud whistle. A small wiry man with long black hair dropped out from the tree and bashed Briawny on the head with a rock. She dropped to the ground unconscious and Jaana immediately pulled back the arrow on her longbow and pointed it at Brandon who raised his hands in surrender. Arrick shoved Brandon off of him and smacked him across the face. He fell to the ground and Arrick immediately jumped up and kicked him in the ribs several times. Jaana turned and pointed the arrow towards Sir Mikael. He dropped his sword and raised his hands up as well. Rupert immediately punched him in the stomach and he doubled over on the ground. Rupert picked up Sir Mikael's sword and hit him on the head with the handle end of it, knocking him out.

Arrick let out another loud laugh and walked over with a cocky smile on his face. "It would appear that it is us who has gotten the drop on you, thief." He slapped Fabian several times on his cheek, first lightly and then progressively harder.

"Wait a minute, who's this chump?" Fabian asked as he pointed to the man who had jumped out of the tree. "I don't remember him from before."

"Allow me to introduce Surgeeyoh. Your replacement. He is also skilled in the arts of the thief, but unlike you he doesn't steal from his companions. Also his skills far, far exceed yours. Kicking you out and recruiting Surgeeyoh was the best move we've ever made."

"Now be a good lad and hand over all your gold," Surgeeyoh said with a smirk as he whipped out a dagger and held it against Fabian's throat.

"Really man? You're going to rob a fellow thief instead of these losers you're traveling with? What kind of thief are you? Don't you know about the code?"

Surgeeyoh spat on the ground. "You don't deserve the title of thief. You are a disgrace to the profession. Now give me all of your money. And take off all your clothes while you're at it."

"Look man, I know I'm sexy but this hardly seems like the time or place for you to bust a move. Besides, you're really not my type."

"I said take off your clothes, asshole!" Surgeeyoh screamed in Fabian's face as he grabbed Fabian's cloak and ripped it off.

"Damn it, Arrick, your little bitch boy here tore my cloak again. There was no call for that."

Arrick responded by hocking up a huge loogie and spitting it right in Fabian's face.

"Real classy, Arrick. I bet your mother would be super proud of you right now."

"Shut up and take off your clothes and hand over your gold," Surgeeyoh said as he punched Fabian in the stomach. "I'm not going to ask you again."

"All right, all right," Fabian said as he handed over his pouch of shillings and began taking his clothes off. "What the hell are you guys doing out here anyway?"

"We are on a quest to rescue a princess who has been imprisoned by the wizard Delroy and being guarded by a ten headed dragon. You know, the kind of stuff real heroes do. I intend to claim the princess's hand in marriage for myself and retire to a life of luxury and indulging my every pleasure." Arrick's cocky smile spread across his face showing his perfect straight white teeth.

"Yeah? Well it just so happens we're on our way to rescue that same princess," Fabian said.

"Well you're not going to do it without your clothes, are you?" Arrick asked as he threw Fabian's clothes on the ground, unbuttoned his own trousers and proceeded to piss all over them.

"You think a little bit of urine has ever stopped me from wearing clothes?" Fabian asked.

"Well, there's also the matter that I'm going to kill you as promised," Arrick said as he unsheathed his sword and drove it into Fabian's belly.