The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 33

It turned out what Fabian actually smelled was the stench of a band of lizardmen gathered in the next chamber over feasting on the remains of the pirates they had massacred. They had left most of the useless bodies behind. What they were really interested in were the gall bladders, which were considered quite the delicacy amongst lizardmen. In a pinch they'd eat the spleens, too, and maybe even the pancreas, but gall bladders were where it was at.

Fortunately for Fabian and Brandon, the creatures had stuffed themselves to the gills on pirates and were beginning to get drowsy. The loud snoring was audible well before they ran into them.

"Do you think those are the monsters that killed my men?" Brandon whispered as the peeked around the corner.

"I'm positive," Fabian said. "See that one over there picking its teeth with a pegleg? These are the culprits all right. Well, nothing to be done except to kill them in their sleep."

"Isn't that kind of cowardly?" Brandon asked. "It just kind of doesn't seem like an honorable way to vanquish a foe."

"Would you rather fight them when they're wide awake and hungry? You saw what they did to your men. There's nothing cowardly about being smart and doing what it takes to win. Besides, discretion is the better part of valor and all that jazz. Don't you know anything? It looks like the last one is starting to nod off. When I give you the signal, let's move in there quietly and slit their throats. Or bash their brains in. Or whatever method of killing would give you the most satisfaction. It doesn't really matter as long as the end result is they're dead and we're not."

"Okay, sir," Brandon said with a gulp. "I'm in."

"Wait for it. Wait for it. Looks like the last one's asleep. Move in now."

They started to tiptoe in and Brandon immediately kicked a metal goblet that was lying on the floor. It made an immense clanging sound as it bounced off a wall and rolled across the floor.

One of the lizardmen stirred a little but then settled back into sleep.

"Watch your giant oversized feet, you clumsy oaf," Fabian hissed at Brandon as quietly as he could. Then he pulled out his dagger and went to work. A fountain of green arterial blood sprayed him in the face as he slit the throat of the nearest lizardman. It made a gurgling sound as it started to wake up, but Fabian covered its mouth with his arm until the light faded from its eyes. Then he moved on to the next one.

Brandon couldn't help but feel a little squeamish as he stood over a sleeping lizardman. His hand trembled violently and the cutlass was shaking all over the place. "I don't think I can do this," he said as he dropped his hands to his side.

"Are you completely worthless, Scrote?" Fabian asked as he slit another lizardman's throat. "Fine, just stay there and be quiet while I take care of these things." Another geyser of green blood splattered him across the face as he dispatched yet another lizardman. "Just for this though, I get seventy-five percent of any treasure you find." He drew his dagger swiftly across another throat. "Better make it eighty percent. I just got some lizardman goo in my mouth."

"Um, I think this one's waking up," Brandon said as he stared in alarm at the lizardman that was closest to him.

"Well, you'd better kill him then. I've got my hands full on this side of the room."

"I can't bring myself to murder a helpless creature," Brandon said.

"It's not going to be helpless if you let it wake up. You'd better do something."

Brandon looked around the room until his eyes fell on the goblet he had kicked. He scooped it up and whacked the lizardman on the head with it. Unfortunately, this seemed to wake it up more. And it was quite angry.