The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 79

Fabian knocked on the large ornately carved wooden door. It was painted bright pink like the rest of the house. He whistled to himself as he waited for someone to answer.

Finally after what felt like several minutes a servant in a pink and red suit answered the door. "May I help you?" he said with a disdainful sniff.

"Yeah, I'm here to see the countess."

"The countess is engaged in important business. Thank you, come again." The servant attempted to close the door in Fabian's face but he managed to shove his foot in and keep it propped open.

"You don't understand, man. She's really going to want to talk to me. I found her cat. You know, Oogums."

The servant looked him up and down with a sneer. "Be gone, you charlatan before I call the city watch on you." He attempted to close the door again but Fabian wedged his foot in further.

"Are you some kind of moron?" Fabian asked. "I've got the countess's beloved kitty cat right here and you're just going to turn me away? You're definitely going to get your ass fired, if not executed. Now let me in. I'm a busy man and I want to collect my reward and be on my way."

The servant attempted to shove Fabian out of the door so Fabian shoved him back harder and managed to push his way into the entry parlor of the house.

"You, sir, are trespassing!" the servant shouted. "I demand you leave immediately or there shall be big trouble!"

"I demand you go fetch your boss lady or there's going to be big trouble for you!" Fabian shouted as he grabbed the servant by the shirt collar and began shaking him.

"Jeeves?" a high pitched voice called out. "What is the meaning of this god awful racket?" An elderly woman dressed in an expensive looking gown came into the room. "Who are you, sir? And what are you doing in my house scuffling with my butler?"

"Countess!" Fabian said as he released Jeeves. He made his way over and kissed the elderly woman's gloved hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I have some wonderful news for you. I've found Oogums!"

"Oogums? What are you talking about? Oogums was just sitting on my lap in the tea room when he got scared off by the noise you were making out here and jumped on top of the mantleplace."

"Uh, no," Fabian said. "This is Oogums right here. He's been through a lot, but I brought him back safe and sound and now I'd like my reward money."

"Reward money?"

"For your missing cat. Oogums. I found him. And I risked my life numerous times in the process, I might add. Now quit trying to cheap out on me and give me my just reward."

"Oh goodness me. I forgot that I had offered that reward. Oogums came home on his own the day after he went missing. I was so overjoyed to see him I forgot to go back to that dirty adventurer's guild and cancel the reward."

"Listen, lady, I don't know what kind of scam you're trying to run here, but I found your missing cat and I expect to get paid cash money for my time and effort. And you're going to need to bump the amount up. Fifty shillings isn't going to cover all the hardship expenses I had to incur."

A fluffy white cat with a pink collar that said "Oogums" wandered in from the other room and began rubbing against Fabian's legs while purring loudly.

"I don't know who you've got in that crate there, but it isn't Oogums. That cute little puddy pie at your feet is Oogums. Go on, give him a pet."

Fabian stared at the cat in confusion . "That's Oogums there?"

"Yes," the countess said. "Isn't he just the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life?"

"I suppose he is pretty cute," Fabian said as he bent down to pet the cat. It suddenly hissed and scratched him on the hand before darting out of the room. "Ow! You mangy little furball!"

"That's strange," the countess said. "I've never seen him behave like that. Oogums likes everybody. But he didn't seem to like you for some reason."

"He was probably intimidated by being in the presence of a legendary hero like me."

"Oh, are you famous? Have I heard of you?"

"Most likely. You, my good lady, are honored to be in the presence of the world renowned hero and adventurer Fabian."

"Fabian? No, I can't say I've ever heard of you. Nice to meet you though. Sorry you got the wrong cat. He is mighty cute, though. What did you say his name was?" She bent over and made kissy noises at the cat in the crate.

"Well, I thought it was Oogums, but I guess not."

"No. His name is Boo Boo. Hi there, Boo Boo. You're just a precious little fuzzy thing, aren't you?"

Boo Boo meowed in response.

"I'll tell you what, sir. I will gladly take Boo Boo off your hands and give him a good home. And, of course, I shall give you compensation for your trouble."

"Now we're talking," Fabian said. "How about two hundred shillings?"

"Two hundred shillings?" the countess said. "Pish posh. Jeeves, go fetch this nice young man five shillings from petty cash and we'll send him on his way."

"Five shillings?" Fabian said. "Do you have any idea what I went through to get this cat? I'm going to need at least the fifty shillings you mentioned in your reward for Oogums."

"I'm afraid funds are a little tight right now. I can offer you ten shillings."

"Make it thirty and you have a deal."

"You'll get ten or you'll get nothing."

"Okay, okay, you drive a hard bargain. I'll take twenty shillings."

"Enjoy your cat, Master Fabian," the countess said and started to walk out of the room.

"All right! I'll accept ten shillings. But I'll have you know this is highway robbery."

"Jeeves, fetch the man his money." She opened the crate and cradled the cat in her arms. "Hello, Boo Boo. I'm your mommy. You have a brother named Oogums. I'm sure the two of you will get along famously."

Jeeves came back with a tiny leather pouch. "Your money, sir."

Fabian took it and shoved it in his pocket.

"You may depart now, young man," the countess said with a dismissive wave. "Our business here is done."

Jeeves opened the door and gestured out with his arm.

"You're welcome!" Fabian shouted over his shoulder as he walked out the door. "Ten lousy shillings? What a gyp! I can't believe I wasted my time and abilities on that nonsense."

He started wandering down the street and couldn't help but notice a large crowd of people staring off towards the east. Fabian strained his eyes in the direction they were looking, but all he could make out were some dark shapes in the sky. He tapped the shoulder of a skinny man in dirty work clothes. "Hey, what's everybody looking at?"

"The Dark Lord Mirgoth's army is approaching!" the man said.

"Dark Lord? What Dark Lord?"

"What, have you been living under a rock or something? He's been amassing an army of orcs and hobgoblins and other evil things for weeks now. They number in the hundreds of thousands. His generals are ten wraiths that ride upon undead dragons. He has his eyes set on nothing less than total world domination. We were hoping the rumors weren't true, but it looks like his army is even bigger than reported. And they're heading this way. If only there were some sort of mighty hero around here who could oppose them."

"Yeah, if only," Fabian said. "They're coming out of the East, you say?"

"Yes. He comes from the dead land of Hilgoth to the East and he aims to utterly destroy everything in his path."

"Off to the west it is then," Fabian said as he hurried towards the city gates. "Off to unknown adventure and glory, wherever his heroic exploits might lead, Fabian will go. Far, far away from here."

He used his reward money to hire a wagon heading west out of town and set his sights for the horizon.