Love is War (A Divergent Fanfic)

Chapter 12

"What?" Tobias asks.  He rubs his eyes, lying back down next to me.

"I mean it Tobias, what if I get pregnant?" I ask, feeling like my chest is being squeezed.  He sits up again, looking conflicted.

"You just said you wanted a kid," he says flatly.

"I know, I know, but we're too young, Four!"  I claw at the blankets, trying to get out.  They finally unravel from my body, and I jump out of the bed, pacing back and forth.

"Tris," Tobias says, "go take a shower and put on some clothes.  Calm down.  We both thought--"

"I don't care!" I wheeze.  "Tobias, this was a bad idea!  What if we end up having a kid?  I don't want to jeopardize us.  We have a good life!  Look how little we ever see Will-- he's always busy with the baby!  What if... what if... what if..."

"Tris," Tobias says, "calm down.  I mean it.  Just think about the happy things.  Like... oh, yeah!  We're engaged!"

He jumps out of bed and hugs me, and even though we're both bare, I've never felt more apart from him.

"Can I just take the test?" I ask with a frown, pushing him away.  "I want to know if we're expecting."

"Okay," he says, glancing at the clock.  It's 3 in the morning.

"We had sex at 8 at night, Tris, so... the test might not be able to tell yet."

"That's okay.  I want to take it."

"Okay, okay.  I'll run out and get it.  But I'm getting the cheap one first, because you'll have to take the real one in a few days."

I nod and walk towards the bathroom.  I'm so screwed...

I close the door and turn on the shower to muffle my sobs, but it doesn't work.  As I stand leaning against the shower, I slide down to the floor.  Tobias gets in, and I feel him sit next to me.  I wish I'd locked the door.

"It's okay, Tris," he says, holding me close.  But I feel his heart beating fast.

"What's wrong?" I ask for what seems like the millionth time in the past few hours.

"This is a small shower," he says curtly, his voice catching.

"Hey," I say.  "I love you.  Now just remember how you were so calm in your fear landscape last week?  When you made me go in with you to fight your fear of heights?  We went through the shrinking box.  And tyou made it through."

"Just like we're going to make it through this baby, if it's here," he says with a grunt as he gets out of the shower.

And all I'm doing is sitting in the shower at 3 in the morning worrying about a baby that might not exist.