Case Closed (Hariana | H.S & A.G)

Part 11: Night Alone

"Do you think we're going too fast? I mean it's been a day, less than that actually, it's been like what? 15 hours? We've fallen back together so smoothly... I feel like we were suppose to have.. something going on" I say as I sit on the bathroom counter, I watch Harry brush his teeth with the complementary toothbrush that was in the hotel room. It was around 11p.m. and he and I have been pretty much inseparable the entire day. Which of course I'm happy about, I've dreamed about this moment so much, I'm so thankful to be with him, I just know there's a lot of unanswered questions we've been avoiding.

"Like what?" Harry laughs as he spits out into the sink. "I like how this is going, I mean we obviously have a lot of things that we still need to talk about but, I'm glad we're spending time together, talking, even if we're not addressing some stuff. You and I both know we will eventually. I'm not gonna not say 'I love you' because I do. We don't need... something between us, it's fine to fall back together... we just have to make sure we don't fall into the same habits" he says and I nod my head. He's so right, he always is but I'm so happy that he is.

"What kind of habits are you referring to?" I ask trying to sound as sweet and polite as I can since I'm not trying to sound defensive or anything, I'm just genuinely curious since I don't want to fall into bad habits again either and I kinda need to have a clear understanding of what those are first of all so that I can make the effort to quit them.

"Lying. Or even just hiding stuff, including feelings. And letting those thoughts or feeling build up and then acting on them without even letting the other one in" he says and I nod my head again. He's right and I regret ever pushing him away, or letting myself believe my feelings for him were bad when I should have just told him about how I felt. Maybe if I just told him we'd never have broken up and I'd never have the opportunity to get hurt. I quickly push those thoughts to the side since I can't start blaming myself over what happened, my mother raised me to be smarter than that.

I also realize that I'm already falling into those same, stupid, and vicious habits. I haven't told Harry about what Ricky did to me but I also don't plan on ever doing so. I'm just hoping that it won't have the same kind of impact, yeah I'm hiding the truth from him but maybe he doesn't need to know everything in order for this to still work.

"Wow, '@' me next time" I joke as Harry places his hands on my thigh, spreading them slightly so that he can stand in between them as he leans down. I can feel him smiling as we kiss and I brush my hands through his hair. He deserves the best, I pray I can give it to him.

"What are you thinking about Ari?" I hear Harry say as we pull away from each other. I don't know how he's manage to realize something's up but I know I shouldn't be surprised since I'm probably not playing as coy as I'm trying to be.

"Nothing, I think I'm just still trying to process that we're back together, that this is actually happening. I want the best for you and I just want this to work" I admit as Harry presses his eyebrows together and I know he's trying to get a read on me but I don't care. All I can think about is how gorgeous he is and how much I've missed seeing him frown, as crazy as that sounds.

"It will Ari. I want the best for you too" he says and I smile, probably a bit too big but I really wasn't focused on what he said. Obviously it means a lot but I could tell that he did before he ever said it. I'm just smiling because even though things feel different and I'm worried that he's changed, he still does all these little things that remind me of who he is and why I love him.

"What?" Harry chuckles as his facial expressions begin to loosen up and I shake my head before giving him a quick kiss.

"I've missed you" I say softly. "But, I also think we should spend the night alone. Are you okay with sleeping back at your house?" I ask. I don't want to leave Harry's side but I think it's for the best. I think I need some time alone to process everything by myself. But I'm afraid Harry might try to 'sleep' together and I'm not ready for that. I mean I love him so much but that level of intimacy may be too much for me right now and I don't want to risk it. The thought of anyone, touching my body and all that other stuff that comes along with it is just unbearable to even think about, I don't want it.