Sirens POV
Pain is on a none-stop explosion in my chest, even my heart beating hurts. And maybe that's my fault. Was it turning him down, I wonder? Or was it the past love I once had, creating a horrid darkness? Or maybe it's the pain of my mother's death. The truth is, I don't know. The truth is it could be all and none of those things and I'd still be hurting. Because lately, I no longer get a break. Not like the one I need.
Currently we are pulling up back home, It's around 9 am. We were not supposed to end up back here until late tonight but as soon as I woke up I couldn't bring myself to stay or be near him.
When we parked, I quickly got off the bike and I rushed to take my helmet off.
" Si, are you okay?" my father asked coming toward me with a slowly fading smile. I went right past him trying to get as far from Tank and my father's hopeless and pitiful looks.
I practically ran into the nearly empty house and was graced with Del. She was talking to my grandfather but stopped suddenly when she saw me.
"Siren, what's wrong darlin?" Her question broke me into two as I crashed into her chest in a sobbing mess. I started crying and gasping for air.
"I hate him, I hate him. Oh god I hate him" I sobbed into her now soaked shirt. I fisted the material in my hand, trying desperately to grasp reality but every time I get close, I failed.
"S-she used to help me, advise me a-and pull me through the hard parts. Sh-she u-u-used to give m-motivational speeches and t-tell me in detail about h-h-her life as it went o-on. She t-told me he was d-d-dead and lied to me in more ways than i c-can c-c-count.." i sobbed nonsense and my grandma just held me tightly and listened.
" A-a-and she left me, s-s-shes j-just gone a-a-and shes d-d-dead" i continued crying, but also gasping as my lungs seemed to malfunction. My knees wobbled and I fell to the ground without my grandma. I thrust my fingers into my hair and pulled slightly, my eyes becoming blurry with tears.
"And yet I miss her" I sobbed, the words practically coming out in a small shout.
"No matter h-how much i h-h-hate her i just, i-i i just can't s-s-stop" I sobbed loudly. My grandma got on her knees besides me and looked at me with sadness and yet determination.
"Darlin, ain't no one gonna tell you or try to stop you from missin your mama, not even yourself. Now I don't know why she lied to you and I'm not sayin it was right, but I do know somethin. I know your mama loved you more than her own life and she would do all she can to protect you. I also know she wouldn't like seeing you like this" she spoke calmly in a stern tone.
"B-b-but i-it h-hurts, it just hurts so bad." i said loudly, stuttering more than i ever thought possible.
" And no one said it wouldn't. I know how bad it is Girly, but if you dwell and blame yourself its gonna hurt a hellva lot worse than it would have originally. Now come here" Del said softly, pulling me to her.
Just before a fresh set of tears blurred my vision, I saw my dad and Tank look at me with pained gazes, causing me to feel guilt, which I quickly pushed out of my mind. I closed my eyes and tried to gain control of myself. I couldn't though, I kept gasping for any air I could, because it felt like my lungs couldn't get enough.
From that point I only got bits and pieces.
"Azrael, you need to calm her down" I heard my Grandfather, Jack, say faintly. Anything i hear is all so muffled. I hated it.
I was faintly aware of my body being moved into the arms of Tank. His warm body pressed to mine in a comforting way. His arms wrapped around my middle and he rocked me back and forth.
"Shhh,αγάπη μου, everything is ok. Just breathe, baby." Tank whispered into my ear and oddly I instantly felt relaxed. He kept repeating similar words causing my body to calm more and more. Slowly my breathing returned to normal. My body became deflated and I felt very tired, drained even.
I felt him get up and before I knew it, we were in a room but different than mine. The walls were dark gray, and the furnishing was more updated and nearly all black or a navy blue.
Gently he set me down on the bed and got on with me. Tank pulled the covers over us and scooted close to me. We both laid on our sides looking at each other. His blue-green eyes staring widely, curiously at my half closed, tired blue-grey ones. He slowly lifted his hand and placed it on my cheek, making sure to give me plenty of time to be able to object to his touch.
This time when he leaned up to kiss me, I let him. In fact, I kissed him back. Everything seemed to slow in that moment. I couldn't hear anything or feel anything but him. I was completely and utterly absorbed in him. But then that changed. A tear slipped down my cheek as he pulled back slowly. I didn't open my eyes this time.
"I miss her" I said softly, my voice cracking with emotion.
" I know, love, I know" he whispered back, hugging me to him. Did he? I wondered.
"I feel so guilty and wrong, I just feel so ashamed that I get the chances of what you could be and what life will eventually be. And I feel this because she's dead and I'm here and it's just so unfair Azrael" I whimpered.
"But it's not your fault. That's what you don't understand. You didn't cause her death; you didn't want her to die and she didn't want you to either. SO why are you trying so hard not to live?" He asked me, making me go completely silent. A big part of me knew he was right but trying to get past that feeling is a lt harder said than done.
"I know" He whispered after a moment.
"It's a lot of work, it's a lot of time. Theres more to happen before you get to the point of letting go. But you don't have to do it alone. You have so many people in your corner. You have Del, your dad. You could have me"
I got lost in thought at his words, before concluding.
For a little bit, I decided, I would enjoy this. This once I would pretend that today I live in a perfect world and I am not going to wake up regretting this. I pretended this man would be my future lover, protector and potential forever. Even though somewhere in the back of my mind I registered how this may or may not be wrong, I ignored it. Tonight, I am pretending. Tonight, I am loved and protected with someone I was beginning to care for deeply. Just for tonight I was going to sleep soundly and not fear the fate that's been chosen for me.
Hopefully he's that fate...
I thought as I let the darkness take over and lull me into a deep, calm and dreamless sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Broken Wings
Romance"Remember the ocean baby, always remember it" And it was like, I don't know. It was like a light went out and left me in complete darkness. I knew exactly what she meant at that moment. And it rendered me speechless, it made my heart hammer in my c...
