Boys This Young

17|Can't Be On My Own Without You

Class, was hell.

Dan sat there, depressed and feeling like he'd ruined his whole life with one night. He hadn't meant to get so emotional, and he had doubted his relationship with Phil...which was the first time he'd ever done that.

See, they were in love since before they knew the meaning of the word. So for this to happen, something that didn't last very long being compared to the many years they'd been in each other's life, and to just ruin it--was odd.

One night>many years

Dan didn't understand why he was like this. Destructive and needy and just too much. For Arin, and for Phil. He didn't understand why he'd done all that with Arin, thinking of Phil.

Was it to feel something?
Was it for attention?
Was it to prove to...the world, he didn't need Phil?

Because all it did in the end, was dig him into a deeper hole of relationship issues.

Arin looked like he just might explode. He woke up this morning and wouldn't look Dan in the eye. And when he talked to Dan, Dan didn't have anything to say. But now he just looked like he couldn't leave this class fast enough, bobbing his leg up and down and chewing his nails.

He was anxious and Dan was too, but probably for different reasons.

When lunch came around, Arin cornered Dan in the courtyard, pushing him behind a school building where not a lot of people were passing by. Arin was glaring at him, arm keeping Dan from moving against the red brick. "What...what game are you trying to play?"

Dan gulped. "What do you mean?"

Arin rolled his eyes. "So, you kiss me last night. I drive you to the dorm, you're all over me. You tell me Phil doesn't matter, but clearly, he does. It's heated for a while, then it isn't because one of us says a name that is not the others. Then the next morning, you won't say a word. What game are you trying to play, Dan?"

"I'm not trying to play anything." Dan says, "I didn't mean to hurt you...or Phil."

"Does he know?" Arin asked, loosening his grip on Dan and letting him free to move.

Dan sighs, "I didn't want him to but...Connor came over this morning and he saw-" Dan pulls down the front of his shirt to reveal the hickeys, "these, and now he knows. And he said he was going to tell Phil."

Arin put his head in his hands. "Oh my god he's going to kill me."

"Who? Phil?"

"Yes, who else?!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Okay, I know Phil can be scary when he's angry...I've seen...but you are a lot more built than Phil is. And he's not violent either, he's the sweetest boy in the world."

Arin shook his head. "I'm not scared of him fighting me, Dan. I just...you're playing games. And I guarantee you, Phil is going to care a lot. And he will attack me in other ways."

"I don't mean to!" Dan said, "I love Phil, I was just drunk and when I'm drunk I become a fucking stupid conflicted mess. I would fucking die for him, and he's the only one I've ever loved and just I'm too overdramatic and I act out and he's always right! I can't function without his attention, I've always had it and now this happened! And I'm sorry for dragging you into it, you're just here for me when everyone else is busy and far away and god I just hate it. I hate myself for needing so much and not being able to make good decisions without him!"

[and she was talking about missing him. she was glistening]

Arin sighed. "I know, Dan. You miss him, you miss him, you miss him. I'm sorry, for being in the way and confusing you. I never meant to confuse you. And I'm sorry for influencing you to make your situation worse. Because I still hate him for having you, and it's ruined us. I'm sorry for last night, when I should've been more in control since I was the sober one and you...I don't know I just love how you feel too much."

Dan looked at him sadly. Why can't I love anyone other than Phil?

Dan gave Arin a hug and sighed into his shoulder. "Don't be sorry. I should apologize for controlling you. It's not your job to fix my problems. And I just gave you more."

Arin nodded. "Can we just...be close?"

Dan smiled. "Yeah."

-

AN: chapter title: without you by oh wonder

go read my new story, talk me down, the whole story is out and it's a quick read so :))))