Boys This Young

34|MRS. DONNELIN

AN: the title is a reference to a song about a boner and this chapter covers sexual assault and child molestation but have a good day
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It's just so much at once, and it's suffocating and doesn't make sense and every cell in his body ignites, molding into a deep hole forged by anxiety and other emotions that turn his brain black and heart on overdrive. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff, or that terrible rush you get when someone's driving really fast and then suddenly slams the breaks, or having Dan's skin brush against his, or breath on his face; it was that stabbing feeling in his chest. It was the split second of petrification that happens in all of those moments on repeat. Arin was blinded by fear as he stood in front of his dad for the first time since...since...

He took a deep breath, trying not to think about that. He really needed to calm down. But it didn't help that his dad had the same steely grey eyes and he felt so powerless under their gaze. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing the darker version of yourself, of your past; and he could feel his dad's rough hands on him again, but this time strangling him, stealing the life right out of his lungs.

Arin had always been more scared of his dad than anyone or anything else.

He never had nightmares about demons, or thought there was a monster in his closet or under the bed, or jumped at the sight of spiders or snakes, or hid behind his mum's leg when he was high in the air or meeting someone knew.

He had nightmares of his dad, he was always scared of having his dad in his bed, and he jumped everytime his dad spoke, and his tried to hide behind his mum but she was never around and his dad was worse than any stranger on the street. Just any touch from his dad, used to make him freeze, because he always knew what was coming. His dad ruined him in so many ways, that just his face made him want to curl into a ball or run. Disappear into nothing.

But he couldn't run today.

"Arin." Dan said, shaking his arm. But Arin didn't move as he stared at the floor in fear. "Arin." Dan said again, shaking him a little harder, "Arin!"

Arin snapped out of it, looking up at Dan like he was his father. His heart was racing.

"Don't think too much." Dan said, "You're scaring me, and yourself. And you're going to need to be very present for this today, alright?"

"I can't breathe right." Arin whispered, "He's...too close."

Dan's eyes softened, and he scooted closer to Arin so he wouldn't be able to see his dad across the room. "He can't touch you from there, Arin. I promise. You're safe here with me and my dad...you're completely safe, alright?"

Arin nodded and gulped. "Okay...okay."

Dan forced a small smile and sat next to Arin who was fidgeting. "So, here's the deal, I cant be next to you because I'm not part of this. So when this starts, I'll be right there, okay?" Dan began, pointing to a seat where Phil was sat, frowning slightly. But when they looked over he took a deep breath and waved. He felt guilty being in this area, when he had treated Arin so badly in the past. And little to Dan's knowledge, had a run in with him once over Cam. They'd learned a lot about each other that day, but it didn't matter now.

"My dad will do most of the talking...for the first part." Dan explained, "There is no doubt that they'll make you go up and speak. Because you're a witness, and you're important. And it's even more important that you don't act too nervous, or too confident. Just...tell them what you told me. Tell them what you told Sean. And it'll be just fine."

Arin closed his eyes. "But I...I can't if he's watching."

"Pretend he isn't." Dan said simply. "It's just you and I. And everything will be fine. And you won't have to look at him again. He won't be able to do so much as look at you anymore if you do this right. And I believe that. Can you?"