Her Monster's Wraith

Alyna

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.– Maria Robinson

(Playing a game of cards with Jesper)

Kaz was pissed at Jesper. Pissed at the whole damn card game they were playing. Jesper had bet six hundred kruge, Kaz had bet ten, and he was about to win it all. Jesper lay down his cards on the old table in the back of the Crow Club, snickering to himself, when Kaz lay down his deck.

"Shit," spat Jesper, pushing the money to Kaz. Kaz rolled his eyes.

"Maybe if you didn't bet so much–"

"Maybe if I hadn't let you control the deck," Jesper muttered.   Kaz stood from the table, tucking his earnings into his coat pocket.  He picked up his tumbler of brandy and downed it in a single gulp.  Jesper stood up, and came around to Kaz's side.

"What now?" Kaz asked.

"Play again?"  Kaz was about to talk when the scene changed.  He now stood in a lush valley, the grass tickling his bare feet, and the wildflowers up to his waist.

"I'm coming for you Kaz!" shrieked a young voice in delight.  Kaz turned around, Jordie was running towards him.  Kaz looked down at his body, he was five again.  So he ran, he would play along.  He laughed as he tripped and starting rolling down a hill.

"Kaz!" yelled Jordie, running down the hill after him.  Once he made it to the end of the hill Jordie lifted him up into his arms.

"Hey little man!  Ready to go home for dinner?"  Kaz looked around at the meadow, how was this torturous to him?

"It's not supposed to be," smiled a voice.  Kaz looked behind him, and suddenly Jordie was gone, and he was back to his normal self.  A woman was there.  She was tall, with deep navy eyes, almost black, with a brown ring that looked like over-steeped tea.  Her skin was deathly pale, with black hair.  But she was ghostly beautiful.  She held out a hand to him.

"I bargained for a little bit of your time.  So let's not waist it, come with me."  Kaz reached out his own hand and his gloved fingers met hers, and she pulled him close to her.  She hugged him tight, and Kaz didn't know what was going on.  Did he know her?

"Yes, you know me.  But who I am doesn't matter right now."  She led him over to a tree and they sat down in it's roots, where long lace dress splaying out.  Kaz noticed that it looked more ilke a nightgown than a dress.

"You died in your sleep?" he asked, cocking his head, trying to figure her out.  She smiled at him and put a hand on the side of his face, smiling at him sadly.  He turned his face away and her hand dropped.

"No.  I didn't die in my sleep.  But that doesn't matter right now, right now you need to listen to me.  How much do you love Inej?"

"How do you–"

"Just answer the question, Kaz," she smiled, so patient.  She was probably an amazing mother in her time.

"I love Inej more than anything."

"Does she love you?"  Kaz looked down at his folded hands in his lap, thinking.

"I don't know.  She tells me she does, but I'm a monster.  How could anyone ever love a monster?" he asked, looking at her, wanting an answer.

"If you got another chance–"

"If I got another chance I wouldn't tell anyone I was back except Inej and I would spirit her away to Lij–that's where I grew up– and live my life with her there."

"And you would become a farmer?" laughed the young woman.  Kaz shook his head.

"No.  I'd become a business man.  And I'd go under my family name."

"What would that be?" she asked kindly.

"Rietveld.  But how could I even get back."

"Kaz.  I've been dead for twenty one years, as long as you've been alive, and I'm not a resident of Hell, but I can get you out.  I've made friends, and Death owes me a life debt, which is funny, because I'm not alive... but I'd call it in.  For you."  Kaz looked her over, with the same navy eyes, but his were hard and cold, whereas hers were full of joy.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't remember you."

"You wouldn't, I died before you truly knew me.  But that's okay, because now we've met.  So; will you except my offer?"  Kaz looked out over the meadow.

"Couldn't you get yourself out?"

"All my family is dead.  But one of them is getting a chance at life again.  I can't keep that from them."  That's when it clicked.  She was his mother.

"Jordie deserves a second chance more than I do."

"Jordie has no one.  You have Inej."

"Inej deserves someone more than me."

"And so you're going to deprive your child of a parent?  You know how that feels, don't do that Kaz," she begged, standing.  He stood too.

"I would be a horrible parent."

"No you wouldn't.  And I'm not saying this because I'm your mother.  Trust me, children change you.  You'll do fine.  But you need to take down your armor, so do me a favor."  His mother took his hands and took his gloves off.

"What are you doing?"

"You have come back from the dead.  Be a new man, be who Inej wants you to be."  She held him out at shoulder length, examining him, and he could sense the subject was dropped.

"You grew up very well."

"I'm a murderer," he pointed out, raising his eyebrows.  She smiled at him softly.

"That's how you had to survive.  I understand Kaz, and I love you all the same for everything you've done."  She pulled him to her and hugged him, and Kaz hugged her back, his feelings a hurricane inside him.  He didn't understand, she was his mother, but he'd done unspeakable things.

"And Kaz, I can't let you suffer.  What Death has you going through, that's only the beginning.  Then comes actual torture.  I can't let him do that to my baby," she told him.  Kaz shrugged in her arms.

"How bad can it be?"  When she didn't respond Kaz knew it was bad.  But he'd endured so much, a little torture couldn't hurt him any more.

"It's not just a little torture, it's an eternity of torture.  Now, are you going back or not?"  Kaz held her tighter.  Inej deserved someone better, but he couldn't let his child be deprived of a parent. Inej would make him do it, not for her, but for him.

"I'll do it."  His mother laughed delightedly and pulled away from him. 

"Father never said your name."

"Alyna."  Then she leaned forwards and kissed his brow.

"I love you."  Then she was gone, everything was gone, and it was just the same, soft darkness as when he was dying.  He saw a light above him, unless that was below him.  Or beside him.  It could be above him, but what if that was death's light, and the darkness was the world.  But Death was dark, the world was light.  But Darkness was his friend, and light was burning and hissing.  So he turned and faced the darkness.  Because the world was a dark place, not a light place.  The darkness enveloped him, and he closed his eyes like a scared child.

Hello guys!  I know, not very good or long, but I hope it was okay.  I'm sorry I can't conjure up feelings.  I want to thank Night_Shadowcat  for helping me come up with Kaz's mother's name.  I hope it wasn't cheesy or anything.  I haven't updated in a few days, and it might be a few days more, because I start school Monday.  Please vote and pardon any mistakes!  And comment!

–MOJ

P.S. Was the portrayal of the mother okay?