Surviving me. Becomming my own friend

My food obsession

4-15-14 weight 225

Part of my weight issue is my love and passion for food. I eat way too much and don't burn enough. I LOVE TO COOK AND EAT. Yes I meant that in all CAPs.

Look I am smarter than your average chipmunk 3500 calories =1 pound simple enough concept right?

According to all weight loss calculators in order for me (44 yr old female @ 225 and 5'5" tall to lose 1 lb. a week I should not consume more than 1800 calories *(assuming I am average) and burn about 2200 calories per day without exercise.

Once my assumed 2200 assumed burned -1800 consumed  = 400 calories deficit per day x 8 days = 3200/3500 (not an exact science) calories burned so 1 lb. loss.

This equations is pretty accurate as I have followed it on many of my hundreds of "diets" in my life time and sure enough If I stay with the equations I lose 1 lb. per week (almost).

Here is my struggle

I will simulate a perfect portioned day and add in ME being human as an equations:

*(calorie amounts are approximate and meant for entertainment value lighten up and un-pucker your ass it hurts to sit like that)

Actual (simulated food)                                                      Human factor (me)

Breakfast 6am

1 cup (cooked) of Steele cut oatmeal= 120 calories / This taste like crap so I add 1 cup of un-sweet almond milk 35 calories 1 packet of sweetener 1 box of raisins 50 calories*they are healthy right? a tbsp. of vanilla and tsp. of cinnamon or nutmeg.

1800 -120 - 35 - 50 = 1595 (I am still hungry) add 1 med banana= 105 calories

1595-105=1490 @ 8am

Lunch 11:30 (because I am starving to death cant wait till noon)

1 whole grain smart bagel = 100 calories

1/4 cup of tuna with 1 tbs spoon mayo 1/2 celery 1 tbs dill relish a pinch of fresh horseradish sal and pepper to taste = 90 calories

1 med apple = 50 calories ( I am kicking ass eating so healthy)

1490-100-90-50= 1250 (woot I can have a nice dinner)

2pm stomach has turned inside out, shaking and cold sweats indicate low-blood sugar I need a snack!

Well lets see I have 1 100 calorie yogurt thank God!

1250-100=1150

3pm shit I am hungry again out of healthy snacks

Walk in the door @ 5pm so hungry

Dinner

4oz of meat broiled ( bout the size of a deck of cards) 225 calories

2 small red potatoes boiled = 80 calories

1 letus wedge 20 calories with 2 tbsp. of fat free French dressing total = 150 calories

1 cup of spinach (no salt or butter) 35 calories

hmmmmm I was so good today the French fry's I am making my family look awesome ill just have a few but before I do let me look at the nutritional value.

ok I only ate 6-7 110 calories.

1150-225-80-150-110= 585

in my head I am elated as I have an estimated calorie deficit of 980 calories that's like 1/3 of a pound.

7pm while watching TV daughter goes to make popcorn and the smell permeates the entire house but I resist.

10pm starving but going to bed

This is just an example of what I do and for the most part it sounds like I am kicking ass and taking names. The issue is every time I am hungry I get angry. I feel contempt for all the people surrounding me who just about eat everything they want and never gain an oz. I want to take my damn baby carrots and throw them at these people. It is disheartening sitting across from someone who weights 120 pounds soaking wet as they devour an entire pizza and you sit idly by as your stomach aches for food, knowing that 1 slice of pizza is 1/3rd of your entire days caloric allowance.

I love to cook which any good cook will tell you tasting and sampling is part of the love and passion for cooking. I am a homegrown southern girl that can cook up comfort food that would make a child with ADHD sleep for hours. Not really but you feel me right? So I love food.

This will pose challenges for me when I re embark on my journey but "they say" understanding your shortcoming helps you overcome them. "They" are probably all fucking skinny people who never went hungry a day in their life,

** Im really not bitter once again comedic value but really this journal is full of real life shit. I wont sugar coat of soften what an OVERWEIGHT person feels while overcoming the obstacles that made them fat. I am just trying to take a lighthearted and funny approach.

**as always thanks for reading and please vote