6/29/14 weight 222 lost 8.5 with 52 to go
So weird I think it may be a psychological thing. I am a water baby straight up. I love everything about the beach, ocean, swimming, fishing well you get it.
Why is is that i can look in the mirror and yes I see fat but holly crap when I see a photo its like somehow I gained 400 pounds. Looking a full image photo's of myself is not good. Emotionally it cripples me and not just for a few minutes. Thank God for crop choice on photo editing.
Normally if anyone I mean anyone try's to take a photo of me I refuse I mean I am ready to beat somone's ass refuse. I get ugly and I am not an ugly person but If I think for one moment you may post that photo you better put on the gloves cause I am coming for you.
I have perfected the skinny selfie to the point were not only does my Facebook selfies look 20-30 pounds thinner but I look 10 years younger ....LOVE LOVE LOVE filters.
Back to bathing suits and full photos. So it is 20 days until I marry my best friend, When this man touches me I feel like the sexiest woman in the world. When he looks at me I feel beautiful, When he says it I believe him until the photo. Yesterday we had the most amazing day on the water with friends scalloping. Afterwards we set off for a beautiful island to clean our scallops. My soon to be step daughter took a picture of me and my WONDERFUL fiance (shush I only get to use that fancy word 3 more weeks) and although I loved the pic because you could almost hear our laughter in the facial expressions and happiness reflected. Then I noticed my arms. Then my stomach, then my thighs and was almost brought to tears.
In less than one minute I was laughing within the photograph of us like a friend who had just sat to join them. I became sad and depressed and all glimpses of happiness extinguished. Thoughts of why does he love me, how can he possibly think I am sexy, OMFG I am so FRIKKING FAT. I even captured a small evil voice that whispered "no wonder men cheat on you".
So what is it? Why is it that I can look in the mirror and be holly cow but ok and move on but photos paralyze my self esteem and nail my feet to the floor?
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Surviving me. Becomming my own friend
HumorI have been overweight 80% of my whole life. I am mid-life , quit smoking, divorced and trying to get healthy. Did you hear that NOT SKINNY but healthy. I am journaling my struggles an successes using my smart ass dry humor. I have an amazing sense...
