The Professor

Nineteen

"You told me you were texting Julie. She's not even in your inbox." His jaw pushes forward as his nostrils flare. I can see his chest puffed out.

Sucking in my lips, I gulp and twiddle my fingers in front of my stomach.

I never meant for him to find out. The only reason I kept it from him was because I knew he would get this way. He's getting the wrong idea about this. I'm not keeping this a secret from him because I'm into Blake, I kept it from him because he's too jealous. Of course he would assume the worst. Does he not trust me?

Actually, he has a good reason not to trust me now. Keeping this hidden from him was wrong. It looks too suspicious, like as if I was flirting with him, which I obviously wasn't. I can see how he's even more mad about this. I've betrayed his trust. It's more than just texting Blake, it's about being disloyal to him, which is big in this relationship. I'm not even sure what to say to him. How do I defend this situtation correctly?

"Well," Dean snaps after waiting for a response. "aren't you going to say something? Not even explain yourself?"

I shake my head while directing myself to my seat. As I sit, I exhale as I mentally prepare my sudden speech. I never was expecting him to find out, so how am I suppose to know exactly what to say? I've not had time to scramble up words to defend my case.

"It's not what you're thinking." I cautiously begin while gazing deeply in his eyes so that he's aware of my honesty. I continue before he can cut in, though he seems impressively speechless. "Blake just checked in with me and we built a conversation from there. There's nothing but a friendship between us."

I feel like the first thing that should be mentioned is the fact that I have no interest in Blake at all. It would be awful for him to believe that I do. He has to know that I don't, before I explain anything.

"Then why did you lie to me?" He growls softly so that only I can hear. His voice is rough and furious.

I can feel the tension already. It's almost as if he's a ticking-time bomb, waiting to explode. I can't predict when he will lose it, which is the most frightening part of all of this. The fact that he's keeping his voice low is a start; that's exactly how I acknowledge his boiling point of wrath. I hate seeing this side of him. When he's angry with me, all I can do is brace myself, especially when he shouts.

I swallow hard. "Because I knew you would get like this." My voice replies softly, trailing off quietly. It's really difficult to know exactly what to say without causing him to get more infuriated. Sometimes, the simpliest words will strike him as an insult. Sometimes he assumes I'm giving him bullshit.

"Of course I'm gonna get like this! You're talking to a guy while hiding it. Am I suppose to jump for joy?" His eyebrows push together.

I'm startled from his rising tone. "It's not like that." My voice is low, signalling for him to calm down. "I just didn't want you to think I was into him, which I'm not." I stare down at my fingers pinching my black skirt to avoid his furious expression.

"I think I would've been less mad if you were just honest with me in the first place. Now, I can't help but think that you're not telling me something." He snaps. "Do you like him? Would you rather be with him?"

"Dean," I sigh. "I want to be with you. I told you that I have no interest in him." My eyes glance up to meet his. I then stare down back at my lap fearfully.

This is exactly what I was afraid of. He's already assuming that I like Blake more than a friend. This is why I didn't want to tell him. Instead, I dug myself a deeper hole.

"Then why didn't you say it back?" He growls roughly.

"Say what?" I watch my fingers play with the piece of fabric in my hands.