The Professor

Thirty

"You were mad at me." I mutter as we drive back to the college.

  Aaron glances at me with a smile. "I was, but you were sad."

  I grin at my lap. My character falls, remembering exactly what I asked him. I can't believe I accused him of reporting us. "You know, I never meant what I said then, when I accused you. I just had Dean get into my head."

  He chuckles. "It's fine. It's in the past now."

  I glance at him. Just like that, he's over a grudge. Dean was never like that. He always held grudges.

  He definitely would hold a grudge against this. . .if he knew. He doesn't have to know. He doesn't love me. Why does it matter?

   Besides, what happened earlier. . .wasn't supposed to happen. Aaron is supposed to be a good friend, I'd hate to ruin what we have. Maybe he was just a rebound. I was so mad at Dean that I had to fuck my best friend. It shouldn't have happened.

"About earlier," I speak up after a moment.

"I get it." He interrupts, his eyes on the highway. The snow comes down heavy, packing the road. "It probably wasn't the best idea to do that." He glances at me. "I don't want to ruin our friendship."

  I grin, glad to hear that we're on the same page. "Good. I don't want to ruin it either."

  I was only mad at Dean. Maybe I was trying to get back at him. Honestly, I don't know why I slept with him. Sure, his lean body and sculpted face definitely makes him doable, but I had done it without thinking. I did it out of anger and frustration. Aaron doesn't deserve to just be fucked like that. I think he also wants an explanation.

"I was mad at Dean." I sigh.

  He glances at me. "That's why you were crying?"

Yes, that too, but. . .

"Yes." I nod. "He told me that he never loved me, that he wished we hadn't ever had sex." I swallow hard, refusing to cry again.

  He twists his face at me. "Forget that asshole. All he's ever been doing is causing you pain." He watches the road. "Why do you keep going back to him?"

  I think about it for a moment. I never thought of that. It's like a never-ending pattern. In the end, I always find myself back with him. Why?

"I'm not sure."

* * *

  When I step off the elevator and walk towards my dorm, I stop in my tracks to see Dean leaning against my door. He catches a glimpse of me and pushes himself away from the wall.

"Dean?" I glare at him as I walk. "What the hell are you doing here. Leave now!" I point at the elevator.

  He holds his hands up innocently, "Hear me out."

I narrow my eyes. "What else is there to hear? I think you told me everything I need to know." My arms fold.

"Just listen." He suggests gently.

  I remain quiet, waiting for him to explain.

"I was mad about losing my job and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that. I never meant a word back there." He explains with his soft eyes. He seems to be sincere and vurnable at the moment, like he's trying hard for me to understand.

"I don't care." I spit. "You obviously meant every word, especially since you admit that you were mad about losing your job. Honestly, I'm glad I won't see you again. I've had enough." I push past him while pulling my key out from my pocket.

"I'm sorry." He pleads as he steps in front of my door. "I really am." His voice is gentle and light.

  I avoid his look so that I won't give in. "Please move." I mutter.

"Not until you forgive me." He declares roughly.

  I narrow my eyes up at him. "You don't deserve to be forgiven, Dean. You said awful things back there." I then add, "Now, move so I can get in."

  His hand tilts my head up from under my chin. Our eyes meet. "I know you understand me. You know that I'm telling the truth. So why avoid me?" His voice is low and gentle, almost a whisper. I'm already captivated by him.

  His forehead leans into mine. "I love you." He whispers.

  I close my eyes to fight the tears. He's right, I know he's telling the truth, but I feel too guilty to give in. I just slept with Aaron to get back at him. Now he still wants to be with me.

"I don't care that I lost my job. I'd rather have you." His hands place on the sides of my face.

  He doesn't deserve me. Out of all the women on this planet, he still chooses me. I can't be with him. I only cause him more harm. He deserves to be happy, and being with me won't cause that.

"I don't." The words choke out.

  I need to push him away. He can't be with me no matter the scenario. He deserves to be with someone who he can count on, someone who won't drag him down, someone to make him happy, someone who won't continuously walk out on him. . .it's definitely not me.

  He pulls his head away. "What?" His voice asks softly.

"I don't love you." I swallow hard. "Please leave." My eyes close to fight the tears.

"Oh no, baby, I know you don't mean that." His vurnable voice whispers as he holds my face still.

  I open my eyes to see his expression almost broken, like he's ready to cry.

"I do." I claim sternly. "Now go." I push him off of me.

His eyebrows furrow. He shakes his head. "Just say it already, say you love me." His jaw pushes forward while his eye glisten.

I inhale deeply. "I don't love you."

"Stop fighting this, why are you doing this?" His voice is gentle. "Say you love me." His nostrils flare.

  My chest thickens painfully as my eyes dry out. I have to stay strong.

"I don't love you." I repeat while trying to keep a straight expression.

"Rosie," His hands grab my face again. I can spot a tear on his cheek. "I know you don't mean that."

  I remove his hands. "I said. . .I don't love you." I exhale roughly. "I hate you."

  He lowers his gaze and steps out of my way.

  I avoid his character so I won't break.

"I hope you like your new math professor." He bumps my shoulder as he walks past me.

  I cover my face with my palms, the tears pour out immediatly.

* * *

  I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling while reflecting on today during this cold evening.

  Too much has went down for me to handle. Dean yelled at me, I slept with Aaron, Dean forgave me, I told him that I hate him. I want to erase the day, take it back and start all over.

I had to tell Dean what I did earlier, otherwise, he would just get his heart broken all over again by me. He can't have that, especially after I cost him his job. It's just sad to think that we were reported while we weren't really together. It's like it shouldn't have counted.

  I sit up quickly, an idea screaming in my head.

Oh fuck!

* * *

  I sprint down the hall, desperate to find a janitor or a supervisor or anybody that works here. Breathlessly, I turn my head right and left, hoping to at least spot a janitor.

  To my advantage, I spot a janitor in a gray suit. His name tag reads 'Stanley.' He mops the tile over by the window. I quickly rush towards him.

  When I reach him, I ask, "Do you know where I can find the school policy book?"