The Professor

Thirty-four

    Dean and I enter my dorm. I slowly breathe as I remove the pregnancy test box from the shopping bag.

  My eyes find Dean. He watches my every move eagerly. I swallow hard and open the box.

  What if I am pregnant and it's not Dean's? What do I tell him?

  I take a deep breath and pull out a stick.

"It's okay, Rosie." Dean grins warmly. "Everything will be okay."

  I nod with my lips pressed together. Another deep breath releases itself from my lungs.

  I stop just before the bathroom and face Dean. "I'm scared."

"Don't be." He declares gently. "You have everything figured out if you are pregnant. I support whatever decision you make."

  I shut my eyes tightly, thinking about Aaron. I can't keep this from him any longer.

"That's the problem." I open my eyes. "I don't. . .know if it the baby is yours."

Dean should be okay about this. He understands the situation, right? If he's supportive enough, he'll remain calm and will be helpful.

  He frowns.

Uh oh.

"What do you mean it can't be mine?" His voice raises.

  I quickly explain. "It was just recently. You and I weren't together."

  His jaw pushes forward as his nostrils flare. "With who?"

  I swallow hard while avoiding eye contact. Slowly, I mentally brace myself. "Aaron."

  He glares at me with his as arms folded. He doesn't move a muscle.

"It didn't mean anything, though. I was mad after you yelled at me and-" I begin before he interrupts.

"So this is my fault?" His eyes narrow as he points to his chest.

  I shake my head. "No, it's mine. But-"

"So is that what you've done every time you got mad at me? Just went around sleeping with guys I hate?" He steps closer.

  My eyebrows press together. "What? No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous."

"What else am I suppose to think?" He huffs. "You know what? Just forget it. I believe you now. You really don't love me." He turns his back towards the door and slams it behind him.

  I drop the stick from my hand as I begin to sob.

* * *

  Maybe telling him wasn't the best idea. I should've waited until after I took the test. If I'm not pregnant, I wouldn't have to tell him.

  Unfortunately, sooner or later I am going to have to take this damn test. I just don't feel so confident about the result. I'm scared.

Laying on my bed, I observe the ceiling. It reminds me of the ceiling I had in my classrooms during high school. . .only cleaner this time.

When will I finally build up the courage to take this test? Why can't I just do this already? Most women rush towards the bathroom at the first thought that they could be pregnant. All women except me. I'm too much of a coward.

  Maybe I should walk this out. I glance at the window to check for any remaining daylight. The sky is a dark blue, slowly transitioning into the night.

  I glance at the time on my alarm clock. 7:29 PM. It's been three hours since Dean yelled at me. After he left, I cried myself to sleep. It didn't even feel like I was asleep for that long.

  I sit up and head out my door.

What I should be doing now is taking that fucking test. Instead, I'm avoiding the situation. I bought the test this morning and it's been sitting in my room since.

  I know that I'm afraid to find out if I'm pregnant. There would be just so many problems that would follow. I'd carry the baby for nine months just to put him or her up for adoption. The thought breaks my heart. That baby will grow up and feel abandoned by me.

  I'd hate for that to happen, but I feel that I don't have a choice. The baby would be miserable because mommy and daddy are always fighting. A child doesn't deserve to live in that household.

  If the baby is Aaron's, the baby wouldn't have a couple that is together. Every child deserves a happily married couple. I sigh.

  Maybe I would've considered keeping the baby if Dean and I were happy together and I never slept with Aaron. If I was for sure about wanting to spend the rest of my life with Dean, then I would've raised this possible baby.

  The elevator stops on the first floor. I step out and make way towards the main entrance.

  I can't say that I regret these last four months with Dean. Sure, we fought a lot, but we also made each other very happy. We did have a lot of good times. How could I forget?

  I could never forget about the time we were in Paris and he took me to the Eiffel tower. That night was so magical. I saw his true side that night. It was beautiful.

Dean always made me feel like the prettiest woman in the world. He made me feel so happy and confident and just so. . .wonderful. Don't even get me started on the sex.

  Under all of that stubborn, child-like behavior, he is a good man. He really is. He knew how to make me happy and he knew how to please me in bed. He cared about me and protected me. I just wish that I didn't have to hurt him. At least now he'll move on and find someone better than me.

  The air is freezing out here. It's always colder at night here. The sky is already pitch black. I continue to walk down the sidewalk while keeping my arms crossed to help warm myself.

Maybe I do love Dean. Just like Aaron said, I'm making this sacrifice in order to be sure Dean is happy. It doesn't matter anyway. Even if I do love him, I won't be able to be with him.

  Speaking of Dean, he's striding towards me with his determined look.

Uh oh, he's here to tell me off.

  He stops before me and begins, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that earlier."

I tilt my head. He's apologizing?

  He continues. "I should've been supportive and waited for you to take the test. . .which, you took already?" He raises an eyebrow.

  I shake my head. "Not yet."

  He sighs a relief. "Well, I should've brushed it off my shoulder. Afterall, we weren't together. I don't feel betrayed." He swallows hard while stepping closer. "And I know you love me. You don't have to push me away, thinking that it's better for me."

Whoa, he's good.

"I'm willing to support whatever decision you make, even if it is not mine. Wether you want to believe it or not, you love me. And I love you." He smiles.

  My lips fall apart.

Suddenly, Aaron jogs up to me, disregarding Dean and breathlessly declares, "Rosie, I have feelings for you."

Aaron notices Dean with a frown. Dean glares at him.

Fuck.