Complicated

37. What Do You Want?

Eventually, Courtlen had to go back to his daily routine of going to work and getting his education. Getting back to school, of course, his name flowed around the student body. It was awkward but people were nice enough to give him small gifts and awkward apologies. "Sorry that this happened to you." "Things will get better." "You're still the same to me. Ain't shit changed." Courtlen knew they spoke out of pity, but it was the thought that counted. He sorta like the attention anyways. Out all the things that happened in his life recently, this was the best time for him. He was only hoping that this feeling would last.

As Courtlen rolled himself down the halls to his next class, Abby came up next to him. "Need some help?" she asked. "Nah. Gotta learn to help myself now. Thanks though." Abby nodded and made her way past Courtlen. "Wait!" he called out. Abby stopped and turned back. "I need to talk to you. Stay back with me real quick." When she heard that, the thought of the ring clicked in her head. She still didn't know what she wanted to tell him so she was going to have to answer with a gut feeling. Abby tucked in her lips and walked back to Courtlen. He patted his lap, "C'mon, sit." Abby scrunched her face. "What?"

"Sit. Whether you heavy or not, it's not like I can feel it. Consider it another free ride from me." Courtlen winked at her and started laughing to himself. "Oh my God.." Abby chuckled, covering her mouth in embarassment. She hesitated at first; she sat sideways on his lap and held onto his neck. Abby laid her head on Courtlen's shoulder and let her smile grow on her face. "Ready?" he asked. "Mhm." They started going towards the end of the hall, where there was a window taking up the wall, giving a view of the football field and parts of the neighborhood. Abby squealed in terror, thinking she was going to fall the whole time. She covered her eyes with her hand and peeked through her fingers. "Damn, calm down, you big baby. You can get off now if you want to," Courtlen mocked. Abby moved her hand off her face and got off his lap. She went to go stand across from him and leaned against the wall with her hands on her hips. "Okay so, what's so important that you had to say to keep me outta class?"

"I wanted to ask you somethin'.."

"Oh no.. think quick!" Abby thought to herself.

"So just ask, Courtlen."

"You love me right?"

"Of course I--"

"No. I mean, like, 'you would stay with me for a long time' and 'you be feelin' me' shit. Not like a brother or like a friend; not even like a lil' crush. None of that petty shit."

".. yea, I guess."

"Yes or no. 'Yea, I guess' ain't a legit answer."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Just answer!"

"No! I don't! Listen, you being the father has nothing to do with being in love. I'm just being honest. You're still my bestfriend's brother. Your "bad boy" personality and inconsiderance for anyone but yourself still exists. It always will. That's just how you are. You could change if you want but your past will always follow you. The thing about your past is that, until I learn to accept what it is as a whole, I won't love you like you love me. I have felt a spark or two between us but when I really think about it.. I'm not ready for it. I'm sorry." Courtlen looked out the window and held his head up with his arm leaning on the arm rest of his chair. "Courtlen, I know about the ring. I saw it while you were unconscious at the hospital." His head quickly turned towards Abby. "It's one thing we're highschoolers about to be parents but neither of us know anythin' about love. The hell we need to be married for? Save the ring for someone who loves like you do; it doesn't have to be me."

"Our kid doesn't need a dad who isn't with their mom. If you say no, then I might as well stay by myself forever. I don't give a fuck if I have to. If you ever change your mind, lemme know, but as of right now, anything that just happened doesn't make anything awkward between us. See you later." Courtlen turned and began rolling himself back to class. "Courtlen!" he stopped his wheels and looked back. "Do you really love me or the idea of having your life already set out? Having a wife, a kid, a house and all that?" That's when it finally hit him. He didn't love her as much as he thought. He loved the thought of having what he thought as the perfect life. He wanted to get married, have kids, own a house, have a good job, the whole idea, just to be able to call it his own life. However, he wanted everything with no strings attached; no commitment whatsoever. As long he has it all, that's the only thing that'll matter.