Random Thoughts🌙

Meaningless

meaningless/ˈmiːnɪŋləs/
1. adjective
  having no meaning or significance
2. adjective
  having no purpose or reason.  

  You ever feel like certain things start to seem meaningless? Certain bonds, relations, wishes, dreams, memories, hurt, expectations, passions: they all become pointless? You feel that the meaning, the purpose behind them is lost or has faded. Friends you once held in high regards, for whom you fought endlessly and sacrificed for, now you are nothing but indifferent towards them. People you once feared to lose are now just seen as brief chapters which are doomed to end, yet you don't feel much remorse. 

  Family and mentors you once wished to raise the heads of with pride when they thought of you but now, you feel as such a desire was idle wishing, thinking there is no use of it. You used to let the people around you help fill the void of emptiness created by loneliness, however now, you seem to prefer that the darkness fills such a pit. You look for simpler options and alternates rather than the people around you, you turn to the numbing alcohol, the poisonous smoke, the addictive drugs, anything to silence the loneliness, to feel a bit more. You feel as though special moments and precious gifts you once shared with people are now valueless. 

  Do you ever think what you feel and live for is fatuous, that it wouldn't matter if you walked out of someone's life, or vanished from it? That maybe you're just a phase and are only meant to disappear, inevitably ending up alone. Is any of it worth it? Trying, hoping, breathing, living, making an effort; is any of this worth something to you? Or are you only living to survive?