Anywhere, Any Time, at Any Cost

Chapter 11: His confession

I tell Evie everything, I confide in her completely. Thank god I have her.

We talk everyday, almost all day since the accident. I go on just for her ... well and for dad. He's a good dad and I know he just wants to help me and wants me to be happy. I'm very grateful to him, because he's trying very hard.

It's Thursday evening and he comes to my room, to check on me like every evening, and morning, and afternoon and night.

He brings me some cereal and an apple. ''Here, I thought you might be hungry.''

I nod and say:''I am, thanks.''

He puts the plate with food onto the table and sits on the edge of my bed.

''How are you feeling?'' He puts him hand on my calf and caresses it.

''I'm OK. Better than before.'' I say trying to look as happy as possible.

He nods and continues:''How do you like Mrs Richardson? Are you two getting along?''

He's talking about my psychologist, that I have to visit every other day.

''I mean as much as a shrink and a cutter can get along, yeah. She's OK, I guess.'' I shrug.

He nods and says:''That's great. Listen, honey, I wanna talk to you about something else.''

I nod and bite into that big apple he brought me.

''Elliott has been calling and coming over and he won't stop. I told him you don't wanna see him, but he won't give up. Maybe you should talk to him.''

I close my eyes and say:''Dad, please, don't. I don't wanna see him, period. Please.''

He throws his hands up in surrender, but says:''Look, all I'm saying is, you can't just ignore him forever. Especially if he'll never stop.''

I sigh and say:''I know. But I'm just not ready yet.''

"Well maybe if you told me what did he do that was so wrong to you, I could understand and even help you. I mean,he always seemed like a really great guy, I don't know how he could've hurt you.'' He says calmly, but worryingly.

"Dad... I... He just did something OK, it's a long story, just trust me OK? Please."

He nods again and adds:''Alright, well then eat your dinner and then go to sleep OK? You need some rest. Oh, and one more thing. I'm gonna have to be down at the station on Saturday. Are you gonna be OK alone? Cause I can call in sick or tell them I can't come...''

''No, dad it's OK. You can go. I'm not the only one you have to protect.'' I say and give him a little reassuring smile.

He gives me a big smile, kisses me on my forehead and leaves.

The fact that he is fighting for justice and against crime every day, makes it even harder for him to watch me suffering. To watch me get hurt and bullied, unable to do anything. He knows that school isn't something I enjoy. Maybe he doesn't know the extent of bullying, but he knows it happens. Maybe he even knows I'm gay, but I don't think so.

Elliott rings me again and I grab the phone angrily and delete his phone number from my phone. I'm so mad, but at the same time sad and it takes me an hour to fall asleep.

The next day, I'm waiting for dad after school. I have to wait about half an hour and everybody has already gone home. The school and its surroundings are quiet enough to hear a mouse. Students and teachers have all gone home, only the janitor is fixing a light and the cleaners are sweeping up the floor and cleaning the dirty classrooms.

I'm sitting on a bench in the school's park, and I realise it's the exact same one on which Elliott and I first met. I try not to think about him, but just like deja vu (only it's not, because it's really happened before), he walks around the corner.

I try to turn away, to hide my face, but it's too late, he recognises me and walks up to me. I grab my bag, to walk away, but he stands in my way.

''Kacey, please, give me 5 minutes. Please.'' His look is more desperate than ever.

I want to say no, but my heart is screaming yes. He holds my hand, giving me the perfect excuse to let him speak, and I say:''Don't touch me. If you let go of my hand, I'll let you talk.''

He lets go and sits down. I want to run away, far away from him, but I can't. It's like my legs are stuck in concrete and all I can do is sit down next to him.

He looks at me and tells me his side of the story:''I'm sorry. I never wanted it to be like this. Yes, in the beginning it was all a joke, a bet. But with time, I started to like you. When we hung out I felt like I could be myself. You were so kind and I could never hurt you. I saw that I made a big mistake with that bet. I mean, I'm grateful I made it, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met you. But I knew I'd hurt you if you ever found out. And that was the last thing I wanted. I didn't wanna break your heart or hurt you, I loved you. I mean, I still do. But I knew Ashley was different than me. Her intentions were sinister and I don't know why. It's like she enjoys hurting people, like she gets her strength from hurting others. Because I didn't wanna hurt you, I made a deal with her. I was gonna go to the school ball with her and never be your boyfriend, as long as she didn't tell you about the bet. I wanted to spare you, because I knew you were hurting enough already. I'm sorry for what I did, but if I hadn't done it, I would have never met you, gotten to know you or realised how amazing you are. I really care about you K, and what I had with Ashley after meeting you, was just because she blackmailed me. And I really couldn't afford for you to get hurt. I would't forgive myself if you had. But now here we are, me trying to apologise and make things right and you hurt more than I could've ever imagined.''

I don't really know what to think. I don't know if I can believe him. I don't know if I dare to. My heart says: If you believed Ashley, your biggest enemy, you have to believe Elliott, your best friend, who says he loves you.

But even if he does, he knows I'm gay. He knows I don't love him back like that. He knows I love Evie.

And he did hurt me. He hurt me bad and I just can't trust him yet.

I hear a car honk and look around to see dad's car. I look back to Elliott. His eyes are pleading and desperate. I know he wants me to understand him and forgive him. But I don't have time to think, because dad is waiting for me.

I give him a slightly apologetic look and say:''I'm sorry, I have to go.''

I stand up, walk away and leave him behind. My head can't wait to reach the car, but my heart is tearing apart, pulling me back to that bench.