Anywhere, Any Time, at Any Cost

Chapter 14: Eveline Anders AKA Jessica Bentley

I stare at the picture and I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. The girl I'm in love with is either missing or not her at all? She is someone else? I don't even know who she is anymore. And it hurts.

I step away and look at dad. ''No, no, that can't be. It's Evie. My Evie.''

Dad stands up and says:''Honey what do you mean your Evie? Who is this Evie?''

I can't answer him for one good reason. It's not that I don't want to tell him or can't. No, I can't answer him because I feel a big lump of food coming up my throat.

I run to the kitchen and throw up in the trash can. Dad runs in after me and holds up my hair. When I'm done, I stand up, but I soon lose my strength and collapse to the ground. I start crying and I can't stop. Dad helplessly tries to comfort me, but he can't, because not only does he not know why I'm crying, but he also doesn't understand.

When I've cried all my tears out, I hug dad tighter and he says:''Are you OK?''

I nod and he ads:''Ready to tell me what this was?''

I sigh and look at him. I nod, stand up, drink some water and then we go to the table to sit down and talk.

Dad holds my hand as I say:''A few weeks ago, maybe three or four, I met Evie online and we started talking. We talked a lot and we immediately became friends. But every time I asked her if we could meet, she wrote that she can't.''

Dad nods and says:''And this is the picture she sent you? She looks like this?''

I nod and say:''Yeah, this is definitely her. It's one of the pictures she sent me.''

''She's sent you more than one picture?''

I nod and he says:''Honey, I'm gonna have to see them and your chats. And we'll go to the police station on Monday, so you can give a statement.''

I grab his hand and say:''I can't.''

He looks at me strangely and says:''Why not? What is it?''

I look to the floor, because I'm embarrassed to say I'm gay. Maybe I should be proud or maybe I shouldn't even care, but no, I still feel like there's something wrong with me being gay and dad will see it. I'm scared he'll be mad or ashamed. I'm scared he won't accept it. I'm scared he won't accept me, or worse, reject me.

''Dad, there's something I need to tell you.'' I say and look him in the eyes.

I can see he's afraid of what I'm about to say, so I just say it:''I'm gay. And Evie is my girlfriend.''

He stares at me and does nothing, says nothing. After a few moments he says:''What? You're gay? But, but I thought ... that you and Elliott ... you know, he's always here and you're always together and...''

''Wait, you thought we're together?'' I frown in disbelief.

He nods and I'm shocked. ''What? Dad, no, we're just best friends. Nothing more.'' 

When I say that it feels a bit like I'm lying, but I disregard the feeling.

Dad tries to comprehend all the information saying:''So you're not ... anything more than friends? And you're gay and this girl you've been talking to in supposedly your girlfriend?''

''Yes. Not supposedly. She is my girlfriend.'' I say very decisively.

Dad looks at me shocked and I regret the fact that I told him. He's probably angry now that he knows I'm gay.

However that is not why he is mad. 

''Kacey, you've never even met this girl. You're talking to a stranger.'' He points out.

I shake my head and explain the situation to him:''No, dad, I know her better than anyone. I love her. And if you're mad cause I'm gay, there's nothing you can do, but accept it. I won't change.''

He smiles at me and says:''Honey, I'm not mad because you're gay. Oh no, for all I care you can be an alien. You're my daughter no matter what and I love you. Your love interest won't change my love for you OK? But, this is dangerous. I'm mad because you didn't tell me anything. Because there are so many people online just waiting to take advantage of innocent girls like you. You could've gotten hurt, baby. I would never forgive myself if you got hurt.''

I smile, because I'm relieved. He understands. Just like mum did. I am finally understood and I finally feel like a part of her lives on in him. I feel like she's still here with me. 

I hug him and say:''Dad, I'm a big girl. I'm not a kid anymore and I know how to take care of myself and watch over myself.''

He nods and says:''I know, but still... You'll always be my little girl. I'll always be worried about you and I'll always protect you ... cause that's my job and there's nothing I'd rater do. Keeping you safe is number one on my list. I love you. Gosh, you remind me so much of her.''

I know he's talking about mum and I'm happy that I'm like her. It's all I've ever wanted.

Dad strokes my cheek and says:''You're just so kind and beautiful. You definitely have her grace and wisdom, but you also have my courage and strength. I know you're stronger than anyone and you can survive anything.''

I smile and I say:''I know dad, it's just... Sometimes I forget it, and I don't think I'm worth it. Sometimes the pain is just too much. It's just so hard. I miss her so so much.''

I burst into tears and dad hugs me. ''I know, baby, I know. I miss her too. But I have you to remind me of her. I'm sure she's in peace, watching over us, making sure we're safe.''

I nod and calm down a little bit. I look at him and say:''So you're OK with me being gay?''

His eyes express love, care and understanding, the best things a good father can give to his child. He says: ''Sweetheart, I'm more than OK. Like I said, I'll always love you, no matter what.''