Anywhere, Any Time, at Any Cost

Chapter 27: My happy ending

I need to see him to tell him that. I hear my heart telling me that I love him and I need him to know. I run to his house, but his mum says he's gone to a party. 

I never go to parties, and I'm scared to go there just to talk to him. I could just wait for him and tell him later or tomorrow, but it can't wait. I can't wait, because I've got a speech in my mind and I can't forget it. Plus, he's worth it. Elliot's worth everything. He's worth me and I think I'm worth him.

I go to the party and I don't like him. Loud music, alcohol, lots of drunk (and sober) people. But I don't see Elliott anywhere. 

A band is playing in the corner, so I step on the stage and take the microphone away from the lead singer. When I start screaming Elliott into the microphone, the band stops playing and the whole room looks at me. I know I'm embarrassing myself and I'm making myself look like a total weirdo, but I have to do it. Elliott's worth it.

I scream:''Elliott Young where are you? I need to talk to you. Has anyone seen him? Elliott Young!''

Then I notice him come to the door on the other side of the room and my eyes meet his for a second. It's the best moment in my life and I say:''There you are.''

He gives me a questionable look, but then he smiles and I smile back. My moment of happiness is ruined, my life is over when I see Ashley come up to him from behind and grab a hold of his hand. I drop the microphone, so it makes a terrible sound and everyone covers their ears. I don't even hear the sound, because there's only one thing I can think of. He's back with Ashley.

I make my way through the crowd, determined to go home and feel sorry for the rest of my life, but he catches me on the street and grabs my arm.

''Let go of me. Don't you dare touch me.'' I yell.

''What? Why?'' He asks like he doesn't understand.

''You know why. You forgot about me in one day and you're already back together with Ashley. Smooth, Elliott, real nice. You definitely know how to hurt a girl.''

''Hurt a girl? You mean you? I thought you didn't love me that way. Besides, it wasn't like that. She came up to me and did that on purpose cause she probably saw you. I mean you did make quite the show. And for the record, I'm not with her, because I still love you...''

''Yeah, right. Don't lie to me.'' I yell back at him.

''I'm not lying. You of all people should know that. But I don't get it. I thought you didn't love me. But it doesn't mean I'm gonna be with her now. When she grabbed my hand, I yelled at her to let go, just so you know.'' He says, but I'm still mad.

''Why are you so mad?'' He asks.

I start yelling:''You wanna know why? Because I came here to tell you that I love you and then I see you holding her hand. Of course I thought you two were back together. I thought you forgot about me and that hurt...''

''What did you say?'' He asks and I say a little quieter:''Which part? There was a lot.''

I'm out of breath because I yelled so loud and I'm confused which part he means. I forgot the whole thing that I said, I can't repeat it. 

But then he says:''You said you love me. Is that...''

I cut him and say, still a little but angry:''Yeah, I love you. I came to tell you that I can't live without you. Because you're worth it. You're worth everything. You and Jessica were both right. I was hiding from my feelings or running away from them, or not listening to my heart, or whatever. The point is... I lied to myself, I couldn't admit it, because... because I was scared, I was afraid, and to be honest I don't know of what. Maybe of getting hurt or maybe of losing you as a best friend, or maybe of getting bullied at school even more, or maybe of not being gay anymore. Of not being special. But I do love you. Jessica said that our love is a deeper bond that I hide from myself. She was right. I didn't wanna see it, I didn't want to admit, although I felt it at times. I felt safe and loved with you. I felt whole and complete. And you have to know I would sacrifice myself for you. I would choose you over myself. Anywhere, any time, at any cost. Because I love you and you're worth it. I know now. I know what my heart tells me. And I understand now. I finally let myself feel it. I love you.''

I sob a little and I remember my mum's words:''My mum said that I could be whoever I wanted to be and that I should allow myself to feel whatever I feel. I realised now, I didn't let myself feel the love for you and I was afraid of being that person. But I'm not scared anymore and I want it. I want you. Because I love you.''

I see the smirk Elliott has on his face, but I don't know what it means.

So I say:''I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to...''

But he cuts me off, by saying:''Will you shut up?''

I don't get it, so I ask:''What?''

He, with that smirk still on his face, says:''Just shut up.''

I'm offended, so I want to start arguing. I almost start yelling, when he say:''So I can kiss you.'' 

He pulls me closer to him and kisses me passionately. I return the kiss, which is the best kiss in my entire life. Words can't describe it, but if they tried to it would be like this: Every good thing in the universe in one kiss.

When we break apart we both smile and he says:''What took you so long?''

I laugh and say:''You.''

''I?'' He asks and laughs.

''Yeah with all your weird signs and mixed messages.''

''Oh, I think my messages were pretty clear, weren't they?'' He laughs.

I nod and say:''Uh, well some of them.''

''Some of them?'' He laughs again.

He hugs me around the shoulders and says:''So does this mean we're ... together now?''

I laugh and say:''You bet it does.''

The feeling that I embrace and let myself feel is the most amazing feeling ever. I feel safe, happy, complete and I finally don't have to fight the feeling that I love Elliott. Because I do. And I always did. I just didn't know it. I didn't want to know it. But now I do. 

He kisses me again and then says:''I'm never gonna get enough of this am I?''

I shake my head and say:''Probably not. Which is why we have to do it really often.''

He laughs. ''You're OK. We're gonna be OK.'' He suddenly says and in a way I know what it means, so I reply:''Yeah, we're OK.'' 

We smile because we have our whole lives ahead of us, and we know we're gonna spend them together. 

I look up to the sky and see a shooting star. I know it's mum and I wish me and Elliott would always be together. I hear a voice in my head saying:''You will be. Anywhere, any time, at any cost. Forever.'' 

I smile and say:''Mum, thank you.''